On November 5, 2012, in a car with my father driving and my mother speaking incessantly, amidst dark skies and rainfall, my brother peacefully napping on my lap, I found myself gazing out the window. My mind drifted to the airport farewell that awaited me – a moment of confronting my dad’s emotions and bidding adieu to my parents. This significant moment marked the final opportunity for reflection before embarking on my journey.
Having often fantasized about the liberation that would come with being without parents and rules, I had envisioned this moment. Yet, to my surprise, my emotions were quite distinct; a sense of void engulfed me. Although my parents put on a facade of normalcy, deep down they were enduring more anguish than I was. Up until then, we had discussed it and attempted to downplay its significance. However, as we neared the airport and the concluding moments loomed closer, no one could conceal the profound drama of this eagerly awaited and unforgettable encounter.
As my father drove, he glanced at me in the rearview mirror, questioning my decision to leave our family and pursue education far away. I felt guilty for wanting to be so distant and regretful of my chosen destination. After discussing our perspectives for over 10 minutes, my father pulled over and took out a pack of cigarettes – something I hadn’t noticed he had started doing again. I blamed myself for his relapse, feeling remorse for my decision. However, it was his final gaze that completely transformed everything. Unlike his previous looks during our journey, this one filled me with strength and brought tears to my eyes. It was then that I turned around and realized we were only 1 mile away from the airport; he had intentionally done it all.
As my father parked the car, my brother held onto my oversized suitcase while my mother and I walked side by side. The airport seemed bigger than usual, and in that vastness, a feeling of emptiness started to creep in. It was at that precise moment when the unforgettable experience began.
As I prepared to leave, I tightly hugged my parents and younger brother, feeling a reluctance to let go as time slipped away. With a sense of detachment, I held onto my father while giving my mother a brief hug. Tears made it impossible for me to speak. My little brother clung to my legs and whispered reassuringly, “I’ll take care of mom and dad, sis! Don’t worry!” As I departed, trying to find my terminal through blurred vision, I turned around a few times. Through their tears, I saw my parents smiling at me while my little brother waved goodbye enthusiastically like a lively monkey.
During the short period of time when I had my final thoughts and faced my dad’s feelings, saying goodbye to my parents, it became the most unforgettable moment of my life. “Sometimes it’s the same moments that take your breath away that breathe purpose and love back into your life“.
