One of the main elements of poetry is theme. It has often been said that the mark of beautiful poetry lies in how the elements all blend together to form a unifying theme that touches the soul of the reader or simply brings across the message. It is the composition of the elements such as language, tense, style, structure and prose that is the essence of any poem. While there are those who find success in altering these styles and even creating an absence, it is a generally accepted theory that poetry employs a deliberate weave of many factors to create a rich tapestry that evokes such emotions from the reader.
The main problem with these verse paragraphs is the most obvious of which is the lack of structure. There is one single identifiable verse in this poem that has several noticeable changes in tense and tempo. There are no segments which make it easier to understand. In an effort to deliver a single theme, the verse paragraphs form a single body which does not suit its purposes and only serves to confuse the reader. It would be more effective if the poem unfolded slowly, much like a lily waking to the morning sun, gradually, petal by petal, instead of its yearning to come to full bloom but only failing expectations.
Another problem with this poem is the lack of central unifying them either in its structure or in its words. It is not clear what exactly the message of the poem is. At the onset, it talks about sadness and frustration but reveals not much more. It can be surmised that this is a tale of suicide but there is only regret and not much more. There is no gradual build up just rejection. While this may be considered the theme, the poor construction does not create that impression.
Finally, the lack of rhyme or reason makes it difficult to convey the theme. The repetitious nature of several verses would be effective much like the poems of Robert Frost or Dylan Thomas but it fails since it does not have any relevance to the poem. The rhyme blue and blue in the first two verses is a poor combination of words. There are only two identifiable rhymes which are blue and low. A better combination of words would create a better effect.
As a whole, the decipherable idea behind the verse paragraphs is probably something that can be presented in a different manner. The rhyme in the introduction can be improved on and instead of blue rhyming with blue another word can be selected. The breakdown of the sentences in an attempt to maintain the syllable count per line removes all flow from the poem. Though it is about hopelessness in life, it seems to suggest hopelessness in writing verse paragraphs.
In sum, instead of just trying to make the poem convey the sense of sadness and despair, the thought that is conveyed is confusion and regret. The effectiveness of using the correct tone and correct words comes into play. Sometimes, just maintaining the basic mechanics such as rhyme and syllable count render the poem impotent. It is just as important to keep the essence as it is the other basic elements. As such, this poem could have been crafted more artfully, paying close attention to the effect that wording has as well as the breakdown of the ideas that lead up to its culmination which in this case is the contemplation of one’s demise.