Pre-Marital and Martial Counseling
Entering the second session of the counseling session will be a summarization of the previous session as well as, the results of the PAIR 2 test - Pre-Marital and Martial Counseling introduction. Included will be a discussion explaining to the couple their results. Also allowing time for the couple to ask any questions they may have as well as answering any unresolved issues they may have. The results of the test provide a general guideline of the compatibility between the couple. Session II The second session was held Friday, April 20, 2012 between the hours of 12 noon to 1:00 p. m. in a private office. The session began with a summary of the first week’s counseling session.
The couple stated that they had a good previous week. Bonnie went on to say that the first counseling session brought up some feelings about things she thought were long gone. I asked her what she meant. She stated about Leroy’s drug addiction. Leroy stated he got a lot of positive feedback and information out of the first session. He went on to say he was happy that he participated in the counseling sessions. I thanked them both for their participation in the marriage counseling sessions with me. I then reiterated the confidentiality statement that we had gone over in the first session to ensure they knew what we discussed was confidential.
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They both stated that they understood. I then asked if there were any new developments from last week. They stated yes. Leroy began to say after the session from last week they discussed at home some activities they could participate in that will not cause him a lot of pain. One of the suggestions they came up with was possibly going to a baseball game. I said that was a great idea. Bonnie stated that Leroy could take his special seating pillow that would help support his back. I said wonderful! I was happy to hear that they had made progress on one of the issues they were having.
Then I asked them about the miracle question a homework assignment that was giving to them last week. Bonnie answered first, stating she would want the miracle to be that her husband was not in any more pain. She went on to say that eight years ago when her husband was diagnosed with the illnesses that he has now, she wished it would have never happened. She began to tear up. I then handed her a napkin. Her husband rubbed her back gently to comfort her. There was a second or two of silence then I imposed the same question to her husband. Leroy stated he would want to change his pain as well.
He knew his illness not only hurt him physically and mentally but it hurt his wife as well. “The illness not only stopped our physical activities but our recreational activities as well”, he stated. So he said the miracle question would be that none of his illnesses would have happened. I told them that I understand and thank them for answering the question for me. The second homework assignment I gave the couple was a marriage assessment test. The test indicates how strong is your marriage? The couple was asked to complete this assignment along with the Pair2 Test which they did complete as well.
I asked them if they had brought in the results of the test and they both answered yes. There were a total of 20 questions on the assignment. The quiz was developed by Dr. John Gottman who is a renowned professor at the University of Washington who has done extensive studies on marital issues. The test was an on-line test. I printed out the test and had the couple complete it at home and then bring the results back to me. I then checked the results on-line at an earlier time so that I could give them the final results today. The test indicated that they had strength and staying power in their marriage.
The results weren’t very surprising because they have been married for 32 years. That alone indicates staying power in a relationship. After the results of the second assignment we went right into the final assignment the Pair 2 Test. PAIR 2 Test Results The Dominant Leadership-Dependent Suggestibility (DL/DS) reveals that they both are strong in leadership. However, Leroy’s score was a 10 which makes him significantly (high) in this area, higher than average. Bennie’s score was a 6 which is between (high average and average) this suggest she is strong in her opinions as indicated with her opinion about her husband.
Leroy’s leadership abilities are evident from his tour in the Army, which means in many cases that he is a born leader. Within the (DS) section of the scale Leroy’s score was a 1 which indicates in this area he enjoys his independence. This could be a problem in the relationship with his wife because he may not allow her to participate in certain issues due to his strong independence. On the other hand Bonnie score was a 4 which is in the average range. Her score indicates that she enjoys her independence as well but not as well as her husband.
Also the crossed X in this area indicates that they are compatible within these two scales. Aggressive Hostility-Submissive Passivity (AH/SP) both Bonnie and Leroy scored a 4 on (AH) which indicates they are both non-confrontational. Leroy indicated neither he nor Bonnie tends to get mad or upset with each other, both are mild mannered people. On the other hand in the area of (SP) Bonnie score was an 8 which is in the (high range) she is a bit shy and reserved. Leroy’s score was a 4 (average) which makes him more outgoing which balances out their relationship.
His score also indicates that he is a direct person that does not beat around the bush with his statements. This at times could cause a problem when he communicates with Bonnie because of her mild manneredness he could appear to be a bit harsh with her. Nurturant Helpfulness- Psychological Support (NH/PS) both Bonnie and Leroy’s score indicates that they both are very kind hearted people who sometimes get taken advantage of by their friends and family. Although Bennie’s score was a 10 (extremely high) and her husband’s was a 9 (high) they are very alike in this area which makes them compatible.
On the (PS) area of the test which indicates that both Bonnie and Leroy are very independent people although her score was a 5 (average) and her husband’s score was a 4 between (average and low average). Self-Acceptance-Self Rejection (SA/SR) is a very good indicator that they both have good self-esteem about themselves. This is a very positive attribute to have in one’s self as well as in a marriage relationship. The scoring of the (SR) was a little different Leroy appears to have more self-acceptance then his wife does. His (SA) score was a 9 (high). He can accept and correct things that are wrong more so than his wife.
This is indicated when he checked himself into rehabilitation. Bennie’s score a 7 (high average) which means she is confident in herself and her abilities and who she is as a person. On the other hand Bennie’s (SR) was a 5 (average) and Leroy scored a 1 in this area which is very (low). Both of them in the self-rejection area of the scale have a very small amount of personal criticism because neither of them scored very high in this area. Bennie’s score more so than her husband’s indicates that she struggles at times with negative self-talk which can be a hindrance if she does not get control of those feelings.
Physical Affection-Emotional Control (PA/EC) in the (PC) area both Bonnie and Leroy scored very similar which indicates they are very affectionate people and not afraid to show it. The (EC) score was a bit different. Bonnie scored a 9 which is significantly higher than her husband in this area. This to me indicates that Bonnie is a calm type of person who is non-confrontational other than when she is confronted by her husband on an issue. Leroy on the other hand is more expressive with his emotions, which could cause conflict. His score was a 5 (EC), which indicates he has emotional control over himself.
Change and Variety-Order – Routine (CV/OR) Bonnie scored a 5 which is between (average and high average) (CV), which means she is not as adventurous as she may have thought. On the other hand Leroy scored an 8 (high), which indicates he is adventurous and very energetic in spite of his illnesses. This area was discussed in the counseling sessions in regards to their activity level. In the area of (OR) both scored pretty high indicating that they like order and structure in their lives. The actual scoring for Bonnie was an 8 which is between (high and high average) and Leroy having scored 9 (high).
This is a very positive attribute to have in a marriage because without structure and order there is chaos. Esthetic Pleasures-Social Extraversion (EP/SE) both scored the same in this area 8 between (high average and high) which means they are compatible in this area. Since this couple is a very active couple this score verifies their active nature. The (SE) score was a bit different; Leroy was a 9 (high) and Bonnies was a 6 between (average and high average) which is significantly lower than his in this area. This indicates that he is a very socialable person where she is not as socialable.
The couple could be around large crowds if they had to but she would prefer to be with a smaller crowd. Their intellectual rigidity (IR) which was a 6 was the same. Between (high average and average) which indicates both of them are flexible to change, which is good. When people are willing to change they are more tolerant. Social Status- Family Cohesiveness (SS/FC) in this area both Leroy and Bonnie have an identical score of 5 (average). They both according to their score are somewhat concerned with social status.
In the area of (FC) the scoring is a bit lower for Leroy a 2 (below low) more so than his wife Bonnie who scored a 5 (average). The low score for Leroy is an indicator that his family life might not have been as well as expected. Some issues might have come about before they were married. On the other hand Monetary Concern – Political Conservatism and Outdoor Interests (MC/PC/OI) reveals this couple is compatible with their financial standings. Since they are in a situation where only one person is working they have to make sure they discuss and budget their finances.
Their political issues were different in that Leroy scored an 8 between (high and high average) and Bonnie a 6 between (average and high average) which indicates he is a little more political than his wife. His wife on the other hand based on her score appears more neutral in the political arena. It is my belief that he is more interested because of his military background. Lastly, the outdoor interests are more of a concern for Leroy then his wife. Based on the scoring scale Bonnie scored a 5 (average) and Leroy’s score was a 10 (extremely high).
As mentioned throughout their counseling session it has been stated that they were a very active couple before Leroy’s illnesses. Counselor’s Thoughts As my report of this couple’s counseling sessions were suggestive that this couple lives lovingly with each other as well as having mutual respect for one another. The couple is pretty similar with each other as far as compatibility goes in most areas. The area that they are not similar in somewhat balance’s each other out. What Leroy lacks Bonnie picks up and what Bonnie lacks Leroy picks up.
Over all the PAIR 2 test relationship profile verifies that Mr. and Mrs. Leroy Johnson are compatible. The couples thoughts and reflection of the PAIR 2 test was that, they felt it was pretty accurate. Leroy agrees that he does have a leadership type of personality who gets along with everyone on the other hand he really doesn’t care what others think of him. Bonnie is a warm considerate go with the flow type of person. She is somewhat shy and reserved and tries to keep the peace with everyone. Their personalities differ enough to make them a compatible match for each other.