CH, 908951191 HED320, spring 2012 Premarital Sex in My Christian Views Growing up in a devoted Christian family was not a bad idea after all. I learned lots of positive and negative insights that are applicable to my life. There are pros and cons that I can learn and opens my perspective of how sexuality is different in two different environments. Meanwhile, there was such a thing that bothered me when I moved to America couple of years ago. I found it was very different than what they taught me back then about Premarital Sex.
It recalls my memory that I had a class at my church about sexuality that the Pastor told us to stay pure until marriage. Years after years that doctrine kept ringing in my head. That was the contradicting issue between America and Indonesia. Premarital Sex was a restricted thing back in my old days in Indonesia. The culture has shaped this kind of belief. I can say that Indonesia was very traditional during the nineties. They have conservative ways of thinking. One of those is about sex before marriage. People believed that sex before marriage was taboo and people who were having sex before marriage would be excluded from the society.
Even, they filtered the content of the theatres that includes kissing. Because they think that kissing is another form of sexuality. We were planted by the doctrine from school, family and church to keep our purity. In the beginning, I was fine with the doctrine because I was naive and I didn’t know any other culture beside Indonesian. This combined Indonesian and Christian point of views has shaped me enough to think that sex before marriage was restricted. In terms of the Christian point of view, there are several verses from the bible to prove that sex before marriage is wrong.
“…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6:13). Verse 18 of this chapter goes on to say, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. ” Ephesians 5:3 says it most plainly, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. ” These verses mean that we should give our body to the Lord by keeping it pure. It means that by executing sex, our body is not pure anymore in front of God’s eyes.
Christian sees marriage is the holy ceremony and every element included in the ceremony should be holy including our body. So that by having premarital marriage, we are sinned and lost our holiness. Furthermore, God’s designed sex for reproduction only. It’s not for “recreation” but for “re-creation”. That means, sex is allowed for couple who are married and purposely to have children. This kind of Traditional Christian teachings is on the flipside from what we used to believe in real world especially in America where people are more educated and have more liberal thinking toward sex.
In the beginning, I used to learn that this kind of teaching was true because I was surrounded with Conservative Christian people who are really strict with the bible. My parents are very biblical Christian. So does my sister and all my cousins whom I always hung out with. I didn’t see any other insights from my friends and families because they are all devoted Christian. I believe that our way of thinking is built by the society and the result was the avoidance of premarital sex caused by the teachings and society. Judgments will be thrown upon us if our families and neighborhood know that we conducted in premarital sex.
Couple of years later, I moved to USA to pursue my degree. I attended a high school in Palo Alto and I was surrounded by Americans who are known by their liberal thinking. This premarital sex issues arises during the rest of my high school times. I found it surprising that my beliefs didn’t work so well. I was surprised to see people started having sex with their partners during their teenagers’ era. One embarrassing story occurred during my high school when one of my American friends asked me about this issue. It is common for people in US to talk about sex freely.
Unlike in Indonesia, people think sex is sacred and must be highly regarded. I was embarrassed in the middle of my friends because I never had sex with 4 of my ex-girlfriends when I was in Indonesia. And they thought I was weird and stupid. They mocked at me everything being a virgin. So my friends kept hooking me up with a girl so that I can get laid. At that time I learned the truth that the society differences were really obvious and I was shocked that my Christian doctrine couldn’t be applied here. Everything was so different culturally.
Since that time, I always believed that premarital marriage doctrines from my Christian and cultural point of views are false. Furthermore, everything I have learned since my childhood was also false. There are couples of reason to support my statement such as; I live in America now in which most people do premarital sex. Even according to the statistics of Christian studies, one in three Christians engaged in premarital sex. And I also believed that people in America are more responsible with their life so that they can engage safe sex during their relationship.
It can be shown from the numerous counseling, seminars, and classes that provide the procedures and support for safe sex education. On the other hand, while I was in Indonesia, regarding the lack of education, support and seminars people are afraid to engage in sex because the fear of unwanted pregnancies and some society issues that can harm people who want to do sex before marriage. During my stay in America these past 6 years, I don’t feel anything wrong with premarital marriage. It is only the matter about how to be responsible to proceed.
My only reaction facing this difference is satisfaction because I can see how religion and society can obstruct people’s mind to do things like sex. As a Christian, I understand that we need to keep the purity until marriage because we want to please God too. Not just ourselves. But society is changing that we need to open new perspective to see things that we don’t see before. I also believe that nothing is wrong to keep the purity until the marriage and nothing wrong to do sex before married. It also goes back to their judgments’. One thing that I believe is wrong if we precede sex with another people after we got married.
The false teaching that I received back in my country harmed me in minor ways. I can realize after I moved to America that I realized that people mocked me for being a virgin and weird. But after I realized everything and adapted myself to the society by preceding safe sex, I believe everything is fine. I believe it is fun for the relationship because sex is like spices to sweeten up the taste. Furthermore, I think that more educated people believe that sex is nothing but something casual to start the relationship or to prepare the relationship into the marriage stage.
This will replace the old-conservative-style of thinking. It is hard to argue the truth about premarital sex because every person has different point of views. For me personally, I experienced in both conservative and liberal worlds which consist of totally different people. Some people think it’s false and some people think it’s true. It’s about the matter of our judgments and beliefs. Some Christian believers are really strict with their beliefs and teachings that they have to follow every word that appear on the bible. For me, it is hard because we are human beings that are also filled with passion and desire.
A lot of times we cannot limit our desire. The similar thing, masturbation considered wrong according to the bible. But, on the other side, it’s almost impossible to find people who never masturbate. It is the same thing happened with premarital sex. It goes back to the person how he/she percept the issue. At last, I believe what I learned from my society, families, friends, and a church in Indonesia is false by relating the current American society. It is such a contradicting issue between the society in Indonesia and America.