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Satirical Essays

Dear Facebook users, well…mostly just great grandma's with consistent comments and likes on everything you post. Also, to the stalker ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who always, and I mean always come up on your top 10 fans. This letter was presented before you today to inform you on the potential switch that you may be making in your future…the switch from Facebook to Twitter! You may have been one of those Facebook users taunting us tweeters for the multiple posts in a row that rivalry social networking sites talk about, but it is acceptable on Twitter.

Once you convert to Twitter, you will understand. Is it not crazy that Facebook now has a "timeline"? Yeah, they stole that from Twitter. You may like your "timeline" on Facebook, but the original one on Twitter is better. Once you make the life-changing decision to switch your social networking sight to Twitter, your day will instantly get better. You will not see those annoying "likes" and "shares" on Twitter, that you see on Facebook about animal cruelty, or the famous "like if you love God, or scroll if you want to go to hell. The amount of guilty posts on Facebook is insane, which is why every other post you see is a guilty post, it is crazy. All they do is clog your Facebook "timeline", they have no significance whatsoever. You also may have seen a user posting Facebook status' 24/7, and following those status, are comments like, "yeah, that is totally fine to clog Facebook with your annoying and constant posts. " If you have experienced this, or you are this person, it is time to make a switch to Twitter…just saving yourself from further embarrassment.

On Twitter, constant tweets about nothing important are allowed. Also, grandparents have not learned how to use it, besides the cool grandparents that you do want retweeting and favoriting your tweets. Also, the guilty posts are nonexistent on Twitter! This letter is my warning, first and last. Make the switch to Twitter today! Say bye to your Great Aunt Sally and Maw Maw, but…I can not promise you that your stalker ex boyfriend or girlfriend will not have one already. Sincerely, Lydia Pemberton.

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