In Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s book “We Should All Be Feminists”, she talks about her friend Louis, who she considered to be enlightened about many subjects. One time they were talking and Louis stated “‘I don’t see what you mean by things being different and harder for women. Maybe it was so in the past, but not now. Everything is fine now for women.’” This book was written only a couple of years ago and it is not uncommon for men to think that things are better for women. While that is true more so than in the past, there are still several problems that women and nonbinary people face everyday. Some of the problems deal with sexual orientation, sexual violence, and how race interacts with gender and sexuality. Currently, the state of gender and sexuality in the United States is often chaotic and problematic; however, I think it will gradually improve over the years and people will become more accepting of the way things are.
The history of people’s interaction with one’s sexual orientation is a long and complicated one. In the early 1800s, women were able to be “friends” with one another and people were mostly okay with it. Even if people in society had very traditional mindsets, if the women’s relationship was beneficial to the community and/or they did not bother anyone, then the rest of society was more or less accepting. Additionally, during this same time period, society did not view sexual attraction and feelings of love as equal to each other. People regarded them as two distinctive categories, so people in same-sex relationships were seen as just engaging in lust, but were expected to marry someone of the opposite sex. Many women involved in “romantic friendships” got married to each other because the idea of marriage was simpler during this time.
Pretty much anything was considered a marriage as long as there was consent between same-sex couples. It was not until later in the nineteenth century when society became really bothered with same-sex relationships and potential marriages. Somewhere along the lines, people became very concerned and we have been slowly crawling our way out of prejudice and discrimination. Recently, a kiss was shared between two women on television during the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade and it received a lot of attention. There was definitely a lot of support, unfortunately, there was also many people who claimed that the kiss was ruining children’s innocence. However, the support that followed the kiss is the type of interaction that shows there is hope for the future and is a step in the right direction.
Goth people are often viewed by society as these weird freaks who dress in all black, have tattoos, and are angsty. According to Amy Wilkins, goths are typically people who used to be geeks or people who did not interact with others in social situations. They are able to feel like they are part of a group when they join the goth community and can bond with others about their feelings together. One part of the goth community is that many are in polyamorous relationships, like to engage in BDSM, and/or are bisexual. Goths openly embrace their sexuality and view it as an essential aspect of the group, which is important for our society to acknowledge and understand what they believe in, so we can integrate aspects of it into rest of society in the future.
Along with same-sex relationships and polyamorous relationships, the transgender population is an important one to discuss. Transgender people, who like those of the opposite sex and transition into the opposite gender than what they were born as, are often treated as being homosexual. This is due to others assuming that the gender they were before, and who they like, qualifies them as being a homosexual. This is especially portrayed in “When the Moon Was Ours”, wherein the Bonner sisters find out that Sam is transgender and use that to their advantage when blackmailing Miel into giving them her roses. They ask Miel which one she thinks is worse, if people found out that Sam is a girl or if everyone in the village discovered that Miel liked girls. The Bonner sisters automatically assume that because Sam’s biological sex is female, both Sam and Miel are homosexuals. This type of thinking needs to change because one’s gender identity is who they actually are, rather than one’s biology.
Nowadays, there is still a lot of struggle surrounding the transgender community. Most recently, there was a video surrounding a transgender male to female person using the women’s bathroom in a high school, when several employees of the high school barged in and violated her by opening the bathroom door and telling her to get out, simply because she is transgender. This bathroom debate has been going on for a couple of years now and several states allow transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice. However, as we see in the video, we still have a long way to go as there are still people who can not accept the transgender population.
Though sexual orientation is a very important issue in gender and sexuality in the US, another critical issue to discuss is sexual violence against all people, but especially women and transgender people. Something that plays an essential role in sexual violence done by white men is their feeling of entitlement to have anything or anyone they want. Some white men are very insecure about themselves so they tend to become violent after they feel that their masculinity is threatened and they have to act out in order to make up for that. Often times, they blame women as the supposed cause for this insecurity. Many of these men acknowledge men who commit sexual violence against women because they think that women exist for the sole purpose of pleasing men and when women reject them, angry white men feel the need to force themselves upon them. These men also agree that the women probably regret denying the men and wish that they had had sex with them, instead of being raped and/or murdered. This violence can also be used in other scenarios, such as in school shootings, but within sexual violence, some white men feel that they reserve the right to act however they choose because their life is not going the way they wish.
Although angry white men are a large portion of those who commit sexual violence because they have fragile masculinity and feel that they are being threatened, sex workers also face many instances of sexual violence. When people think of sex workers, generally they think of prostitutes or pornographic stars. However, there are so many different types of sex workers, including the workers behind the scenes, such as videographers or security workers. One problem is that some feminists, namely “straight” feminists, can not accept that there are some sex workers who are willing to do their jobs and they may even enjoy their work. They think that sex workers need to acknowledge that they are being exploited and then they will help the feminists take down the patriarchy. This is a problem, especially in the United States, because this is one of the only nations where people treat prostitutes as criminals. When in actuality, they should be focusing on stopping the violence that is committed against them by police and clients, in addition to helping those who are being trafficked.
Additionally, the patriarchy claims that women are not supposed to like sex and if they do, then society views them as sluts. Women are expected by society to get married and not boast about their interest in sex. However, women are often shamed for liking sex and partaking in sex work, but they are not shamed for getting married in order to have sex. This shows just how strong the patriarchy is ingrained in the United States. Not only in sex work, but also involving women in same-sex relationships. Some people believe lesbian relationships are not legitimate because they think that when women engage in sexual intercourse with one another, that it is purely for the benefit of a man’s lust, whether it be directly through or indirectly.
Lastly, the intersectionality between race, gender, and sexuality plays a fundamental role in the troubles that we face today in the United States. People of color face issues concerning relationships, violence, and what it means to be masculine or feminine. For instance, as Asian Americans are the least discussed and least represented minority, they face a lot of problems with the way society perceives them. Asian American women, mostly those who come from East Asia, are hypersexualized and fetishized by white men. White men think of Asian American women as sexually submissive, exotic and the men claim to have “yellow fever”, while Asian American men are emasculated and thought of as the least attractive race. Thus, some Asian American men feel like they have to overcompensate, which can lead to violent actions and/or mental health issues. Furthermore, the stereotypes that Asians and Asian Americans face conflict with each other. They are perceived as both deceitful and dirty, while also being seen as the most intelligent out of all people of color.
Recently, both Asians and Asian Americans have been portrayed positively in the media, most notably in Crazy Rich Asians and To All The Boys I Loved Before. This is a step in the right direction, as many movies in the past with Bruce Lee and other Asian actors were very stereotypical and they were not viewed as a sex symbol, even though other action movies in which white men were the lead were viewed as sexual icons. Asian Americans need to have more representation within the media that does not portray some sort of stereotype whether it be negative or positive, because then the entire race might feel like they are encouraging certain stereotypes for simply living their lives the way they choose.
In the past, there have been countless scenarios in which black men and white women were involved with each other, both romantically and sexually, with usually two very different outcomes. In the early seventeenth century, a marriage was performed between a white woman and a black man, Nell and Charles, respectively, and it was not a huge deal. The main reason that this was not as controversial as it would have been had it occurred after the Civil War is because there was little distinction between slave and servant. Their marriage was more of a controversial subject because people did not know whether Nell became a slave by association after they were married and whether or not her children should be enslaved. Nell and Charles got married in August of 1681; a couple of months later, in September, a law was passed stating that a child’s slave status came from the mother, not the father, so people were confused whether their children should be enslaved. In this situation, people disapproved their marriage, but did not want them to become criminals because of it.
Besides this, another problem is that in the past many white women claimed they were raped after being discovered as having relationships with black men. Because of this, many black men were lynched and tortured by the KKK. The KKK would partake in some horrific practices, stating that black men were raping white women, when often times it was consensual sex between white women and black men. Equally important, following the Civil War, the KKK was involved in sexual violence against black women because they wanted to uphold the racial power structure that existed when slavery was still in action. Racism is still a big struggle that we deal with in United States, with police brutality being a hot topic. However, parts of our society still view people in interracial relationships and marriages as if they are in the wrong. Although, people’s beliefs are definitely better than they were in the early nineteenth century, there is still a lot of room for improvement.
Honestly, the US is in still in shatters, as our society confronts issues of all kinds solely within the bounds of gender and sexuality. The US is confronting concerns like discrimination against transgender people, sexual violence, and issues between race, gender, and sexuality. As time goes on, I believe that the state of gender and sexuality in the US will continue to improve; however, it will still take a long time to get there.
