People have important things to communicate. Speaking from your heart allows the emotionally difficult, the ordinary, and the wonderful things in our lives to be communicated and received” (David McArthur and Bruce McArthur).
Communication within my family has not always been easy. In fact, at times it has been non-existent. However, we have been able to overcome roadblocks against successful communication by listening, keeping an open heart, and allowing each other to have their own opinions which essentially means we effectively communicate.
In this paper, I will identify communication patterns/roles in families. I will also explain the influence of family upbringing and provide examples of both successful and unsuccessful family communication. Additionally, I will identify how and why family communication can fail as well as how family communication can be improved leading to restored relationships within broken families.
Communication patterns and roles within families
“Families repeat themselves within and across generations. Members become caught up in predictable, but often unexamined, life patterns, which are created in part through their interactions with others” (Kathleen Gavin).
My family has followed this predictable pattern for many generations. We have remained a traditional Catholic family, just like the generations before us. Being raised in a traditional Catholic environment has guided our life experiences accordingly to that same tradition. Therefore, the lives of the members of our family follow a quite predictable pattern.
For instance, we always expect our father to do much of the work for the family, earning enough wages for us to survive. On the other hand, our mother is presumed to take on the role of rearing us and taking care of household chores with our help as siblings. Additionally, communication within our family is deeply rooted in Catholic tradition; our father, as head or patriarch of the household, leads every conversation. He also instructs us on what topics are off-limits and what information should be kept private.
Being good children of our parents, we always make sure to follow their orders to avoid punishment, even when my brother and I were young. However, we have come to a point where we reexamine ourselves and do not stick to tradition for the sake of preserving it. Our family has learned to modify some traditions that appear obsolete in modern times while still preserving the good aspects, such as respecting our elders in conversations.
The influence of family upbringing
The ways in which family members are raised can have a significant impact on communication within the family. The expectations of each member also play a crucial role in shaping conversations, from casual chit-chat to more serious discussions. For instance, if children grow up feeling intimidated by their parents, they may be less likely to initiate conversations with them (Zabriskie and McCormick, p. 283). In such cases, fear can lead to silence.
On the other hand, if every member of the family expects each one of them to participate in lively conversations, it is likely that they will encourage each other to speak up about their ideas, beliefs or comments on any topic without fear of punishment from parents or elders.
In essence, a family raised in an environment where communication is normal and healthy is more likely to understand one another, regardless of linguistic barriers. For example, even though our parents are Hispanic and German, we can still communicate. This is partly due to the fact that our parents always encourage us to communicate with each other and guide us with proper etiquette when conversing.
Examples of Successful and Unsuccessful Family Communication
One example of successful communication within a family is when children respond to their parents’ questions. Another example is when parents actively listen to what their children have to say, regardless of who initiated the conversation.
On the other hand, an example of unsuccessful communication is when parents try to inhibit their children from talking when they have something to say. This is especially true when parents are either busy or not interested in listening to their kids. Another example is when parents fail to respond to their kids’ questions, intentionally or otherwise. The result is that communication becomes one-way, which essentially isn’t good or effective.
How and why communication can fail.
Communication within a family can break down if each member only wants to talk without listening to others or if they only want to listen without sharing their own stories or experiences. This lack of understanding can hinder the family’s ability to function well and maintain healthy relationships.
Communication within the family can be hindered by linguistic barriers. For example, our parents are Hispanic and German, which creates a language barrier between us. Although we try to speak in a common language as often as possible, it still limits our communication.
On the other hand, successful communication within a family occurs when each member, regardless of age or position, is able to both speak and listen to one another. The willingness to listen and share ideas are two crucial factors that determine the success and efficiency of communication within a family.
How can family communication be improved and broken families restored?
Family communication can be improved in at least two ways: through tolerance and respect. Tolerance means having the capacity to allow other family members to talk or listen, engaging others in healthy conversations without limiting what they can say as long as proper ethics and conduct are observed. Respect means not interrupting when others are conversing with the family, valuing their statements with sincerity and honesty. When each family member learns to appreciate the purpose and uses of communicating with one another, communication within the family can become better.
With that in mind, broken families can be restored through open communication among its members, especially between the parents. Family problems can be resolved if there is transparent and sincere communication among the members of the family. As Cohan and Kleinbaum (p. 186) state, communication breaks barriers and paves the way for understanding one another and the circumstances of the problem much better.” Poor communication or lack thereof will likely create a gap among family members, making each other’s feelings unmentionable and unknowable. Therefore, to restore broken families, there must first be open communication. Only then can family members freely discuss their problems and seek solutions to their troubles.
Works Cited.
Cohan, Catherine L. and Stacey Kleinbaum conducted a study titled “Toward a Greater Understanding of the Cohabitation Effect: Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Communication.” The study was published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family in 2002, with volume 64 and issue number 1. The article can be found on pages 180-192.
Zabriskie, Ramon B. and Bryan P. McCormick conducted a study titled The Influences of Family Leisure Patterns on Perceptions of Family Functioning” which was published in the journal Family Relations in 2001. The study explored how family leisure activities affect the way families perceive their own functioning.
