The Psychology Behind my Personality During mid/late adolescent years to early adulthood, people are sometimes in search for answers about themselves. In my journey of trying to figure out who I am, why I am the way I am, and what can I change about myself, I’ve found several psychological theories that have helped me in making those distinctions. Some personality theories that I’ve learned have been very empowering and others not so much. However, being aware of my weaknesses are a great starting point to make some conscious changes. The three aspects that best describe my personality are: avoidant attachment (attachment theory), low extroversion (big-five theory), and a high need for achievement (motive theory). Attachment styles According to Bowlby, adult attachment styles are a result of the relationship between a caregiver and the infant. Parent’s responsiveness to their child’s distress and their ability to take their infant out of threatening situations makes the child develop a secure base, and later on in life will be secure in their intimate relationships (Mikulincer & Orbach, 1995). According to this theory, there are three attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, and avoidant. Secure people have a strong secure base and believe their significant other will be there for them in time of need. Anxious-ambivalent attached people perceive their significant others as unavailable and have doubts about the relief that their significant others can provide in a time of distress. This is a result of inconsistent parenting style. Meaning that sometimes when the infant cried, the parent would satisfy their needs immediately, while other times they would leave them crying for a long period of time. Anxious-ambivalent people tend to cling to their significant others.
They seek approval and reassurance from others. People with avoidant attachment styles most likely had parents who did not meet the infant’s needs. The parents or caregivers would disregard or ignore their cries, which led to insecure avoidant styles. As adults, avoidant attached people will be dismissive with their significant others and will withdraw when the relationship seems to be getting too close. My Avoidant attachment I definitely fall in the avoidant attachment style. I remember having a happy childhood; both of my parents spoiled me because I was the baby. That being said, I believe my attachment style is less about the care my parent’s provided and more about witnessing my own parent’s marriage. Although my dad was/is a great father, he was a terrible husband. I’d witness my mom cry, my dad put his hands on her, yelling at her, calling her names in front of people, and simply just undermining her. As a child, I remember telling my mom a few times to leave him. I still loved and appreciated my father, and I still wanted to be in his life, but I just wanted to see my mother happy, she deserved to be with someone who made her happy and respected her. As I grew up, I always told myself I wouldn’t allow a man to treat me the way my father treated my mom. This is why I always build a wall in between myself and anybody who tries to get close to me; I need to be able to walk away the second I feel disrespected/unappreciated. My boyfriend of four years, often tells me I need to open up, I need to get closer to him, I need to be more affectionate etc. Although, I am now aware of my attachment style and where it comes from, I still have a hard time letting my guard down. I see getting too attached to someone as a weakness and believe that I am a stronger force on my own.
Another reason I believe I fall in the avoidant attachment style is my ability to recall events in my past. Whether positive or negative, I find it really hard remembering specific events and providing details about them. Relevant Research In a study conducted by Mario Mikulincer, and Israel Orbach (1995), they hypothesized that avoidant people would tend to rely on repression as a way of coping and therefore would show low access to and poorer processing of negative emotional memories. Also, avoidant people would report low levels of overt anxiety because they are unable to acknowledge distress, but high levels of anxiety would show on more indirect measures because of unresolved inner conflicts and insecurity. In order to examine these hypotheses, they had undergraduate students complete an Attachment Scale as well as the Marlowe-Crowne Scale and Taylor Anxiety Scale in order to assess the construct of repressive defensiveness. They found that avoidant scored the highest on defensiveness followed by secure people and low scores for ambivalent people. Avoidant people reported moderate levels of anxiety compared to secure and ambivalent people, and avoidant people showed the lowest accessibility to sadness and anxiety memories. The results of this study are very consistent with my personality and attachment style. Although I remember having a happy childhood and caring parents, it is possible that I may just be unconsciously repressing negative memories and that is why I grew up with this attachment style. It is also possible that trauma (parent’s marriage) might’ve contributed with it as well. Motive theory The motive theory attempts to explain “what drives people to do the things they do?”. Some people have Need for Achievement.
Pleasure in overcoming obstacles and doing tasks well. Need for Power feeling strong and having an impact on people. Need for Affiliation, the desire to be around people and feeling like they belong. Need for Intimacy feeling a closeness with another person or Need for Exhibition showing off to others and entertain. Each of these needs explains what motives people may have. High Need for Achievement As I am sure many of fellow students possess, I have a High Need for Achievement . I am the type of person that when I start doing things, I like to do them right, and possibly leave an impression on people. For example, when I first got hired at my previous job, my coworkers almost immediately upon getting hired told me that management had been very impressed by my work. Within a few months, I had been promoted to shift-leader (which was the fastest anyone had ever gotten promoted there). Another example is my current internship. Upon completing my mid-term evaluation, my supervisor told me that I had been doing a great job, she had no complaints about me, and that she had made the right decision choosing me as her intern. An investigator who I work with at my internship also told me that he had a long discussion with my supervisor about me and that they were discussing how great I was, and how eager I was to learn. When I work on a project with/for them I always ask questions, clarifications and their opinions, we often engage in long conversations about the topic. Being clear in what they are looking for, and knowing their opinions often helps me perform better at my tasks.
After completing my assignments, I always give them some time to review it and then I ask for their thoughts whether positive or negative. Constructive criticism helps me improve my work. My grades are also a good indicator of my high need for achievement. Although at the beginning of the semester I struggled a little bit in my classes, I have made every modification I thought was necessary to be able to get back on track and focus on my classes. I believe that with high need of achievement comes a strong work ethic. I am a strong believer that if I work hard for something I can achieve anything. I am fully aware that opportunities rarely come to you, you have to seek those opportunities yourself. The rewards of accomplishment and positive feedback from those I work with further increases my need for achievement. Relevant Research A study by Yehuda Baruch, Mark Fenton O’Creevy, Patricia Hind, and Eran Vigoda-Gadot, examined the relationship between job performance and prosocial behavior at work, which focused on variables such as high need for control, and high need of achievement. They found that high need for individual achievement is associated with increased commitment, prosocial behavior, and performance. They also found that people with high need for achievement are willing to help others as long as it doesn’t get in the way of their own success. These findings are very accurate with my personality because I am always so happy to hear that people are doing good whether in school, at work or just in life. I am always willing to help others such as helping with homework, help them apply for jobs etc. But I am also somewhat selfish; If me helping someone else compromises my own success, I am less likely to help. For example, if a friend needs a ride to a job interview, I would gladly give them a ride, however, if I have homework I need to complete I’ll prioritize my tasks before theirs.
Big Five Factors There are five factors that are repeatedly found in studies that possess reliability and validity. They are Openness to experiences, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism. Openness to experience is self-explanatory, people who possess this factor are more open to experiences. Conscientiousness is a person’s ability to be self-controlled and disciplined; in other words, very responsible. Extraversion is a person’s social tendency, someone with high extraversion is more social, assertive etc. Agreeableness is someone’s ability to maintain good relationships with people, and usually very likable. And finally, Neuroticism is being emotionally stable. Mostly everyone possesses some/all of these characteristics just some more than others. Openness to Experience The factor I highly possess is Openness to experience. I am the type of person who craves change, and new experiences. An example of this would be work. When I first start a job, I am normally very motivated and very excited. However, after a few months, once I become adjusted and fall into a routine, I get very bored. On my daily commute to school, work, internship etc. I always try to take different roads, because I become very frustrated with taking the same streets every single day. Also, for the career that I am trying to pursue, it’s very likely that I’ll be traveling a lot, and might even have to relocate to another state. Knowing this excites me, the thought of traveling to different countries and experiencing their culture and their people’s way of living is very fascinating to me. Another aspect of my future career that excites me is the fact that every day at the job is different as I’ve been told by people who are already in that field. I also have a seemingly endless bucket list of experiences I wish to have before I die such as learning to ride a motorcycle, shark diving, visiting the pearl harbor memorial just to name a few.
Relevant Research A study by Yannick Stephan (2009), was designed to gain insights about determinants of life satisfaction among older adults. It is predicted that openness to experience could be a crucial resource for older adults’ life satisfaction because it can help them with the transitions to a satisfactory post-retirement lifestyle. Additionally, people open to experiences adapt quicker and more effectively to changes. The results support the hypothesis “with openness to experience explaining a small but incremental portion of the variance in the prediction of life satisfaction” . The findings of this study seem very promising for my future. If my openness to experiences remains constant throughout my life, I should expect to be fairly satisfied in later in my adulthood. Conclusion The aspects of my personality that have best described me are avoidant attached, high need for achievement and openness to experiences. While I have mostly positive traits, some do have negative aspects to them. Now that I am aware of myself and my personality, I can start embracing these aspects about myself and working to change the negative ones. Although some people may disagree with the theories and explanations of personality, there is no denying that these personality theories and assessments can make someone reevaluate themselves and result in self-growth and in self-actualization.
