How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, like other movies, relies on non-verbal cues to convey characters’ emotions and thoughts. It’s a reflection of how non-verbal communication is deeply woven into our daily lives, often unnoticed by our conscious awareness.
One instance of non-verbal cues in How to Lose a Guy occurred in the Composure staff meeting at the start of the film. As a coworker, who was quickly identified as a brown-noser, informed her boss about her current projects, India and her friend exchanged facial expressions that clearly conveyed their irritation with the woman. Another example arose during a different meeting, this time involving Ben, “the Judy,” and their superior. One of the Judys placed a finger to her lips in a symbolic gesture instructing the other Judy to stay silent.
One non-verbal cue is noticed during Ben’s poker night. India coughs loudly, waves her arms, and makes faces at Ben. These actions indicate that Ben and his friends should extinguish their cigars. Another example occurs at the party for Delayer diamonds, where India unintentionally conveys her feelings for Ben through her gaze, as observed by his boss.
These are just a couple of the numerous instances of non-verbal communication shown in the film How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Ben and India transition from coming together stages to coming apart and then back again. The initial stage occurs at the bar when India is chosen for the bet by “the Judy” and Ben approaches her. They introduce themselves and agree to grab a bite to eat. Their first dinner signifies the start of the experimenting stage, during which they exchange work-related inquiries and engage in casual conversation.
The intensifying stage of the relationship begins when Ben sends India flowers as a gesture of affection. In this stage, there is an increased communication and exchange of both verbal and non-verbal expressions of love between Ben and India. They also engage in suggestive actions to further strengthen their bond. The integrating stage is characterized by India visiting Ben and placing her stuffed animals around, setting up a picture of herself, and changing the comforter on his bed. These actions can be seen as a way of claiming their shared space and establishing themselves as a committed couple.
In their initial union, Ben and India reach the integration stage, where they both begin to merge their lives. Simultaneously, they encounter the differentiation stage, as Ben starts realizing that India’s intentions for the relationship may differ from his own. While Ben desires a casual connection, India appears to seek a more profound commitment. Notably, there is no evidence of the circumscribing or stagnating stages in their relationship. Instead, they promptly transition to the avoidance stage when Ben declines India’s invitation due to work commitments.
Later on their trip to Staten Island, Ben and India reunite on the boardwalk. This time, their reunion is genuine and based on their true emotions, rather than any manipulative motives. The crucial moment occurs during a shower scene, which serves as a turning point in their relationship. From there, they begin to bond and Ben even invites India to a party as his girlfriend. However, the relationship takes another turn when their true motives are revealed to each other at the Delayer diamond parry, causing a rupture in their relationship.
After Ben pardons India, they experience the integrating stage once more when he pursues her on the bridge as she travels to Washington. Defining these stages in their relationship is challenging since the initial phase is entirely contrived, and the classification of the fake relationship may not align with the actual stage Ben and India would naturally be in without the pretense and manipulation. Recognizing that the stages do not always follow a linear progression and can occur simultaneously can provide a rough understanding of how their relationship evolved, deteriorated, and was subsequently revived.
India and Ben face the challenge of balancing connection and autonomy, just like any other couple. Despite their constant togetherness in an attempt to strengthen or weaken their relationship (connection), Indies’s actions start making Ben uncomfortable with her level of control in his life. She takes over his apartment’s decor, insists on matching outfits with him and their dog, intrudes on his time with friends, and even goes as far as to blow his nose for him, impeding Ben’s freedom (autonomy).
Ben and India face a dialectic of openness-closeness, as they develop feelings for each other but hesitate to reveal their true motives for being in the relationship. Moreover, Ben chooses not to mention to India that he wore diapers until the age of five, and he becomes upset when his mother discloses this information. Such tensions exist in all relationships and cannot be entirely eliminated; they can only be effectively managed. However, Ben and India struggle to effectively manage their conflicts.
India frequently initiates destructive conflicts in which she aims to escalate until she ultimately withdraws. Ben, on the other hand, responds ineffectively by accommodating her conflict management style. This is evident in their fight over his suggestion that she was crazy and killed their “love fern.” India overreacts significantly, and when Ben tries to deescalate the argument by allowing her to the elevator and explaining that he only perceived her as acting crazy, she remains inflexible. She abruptly ends any attempts to resolve the issue by stating, “I don’t think I can be with someone who thinks I’m mentally unstable.”
Despite Ben’s initial resistance, he tries to meet India’s needs by pursuing her downstairs and proposing couple’s therapy. A similar scenario occurs when India creates a family photo album featuring their non-existent children. After India becomes upset and cries, Ben accommodates her by feigning interest and requesting to see the album to prevent any conflict. Ultimately, at the Delayer party, both Ben and India discover each other’s hidden intentions in their relationship, leading them to engage in an onstage competition.
Both India and Ben display sarcasm and engage in mutual ridicule. India teases Ben for his inadequate lovemaking, while Ben blames her for the Princess Sofia incident. Although most of their conflicts were exaggerated due to Indies’s attempts to end the relationship, Ben and India demonstrated ineffectiveness in resolving conflicts. To strengthen their relationship, they employed various strategies, with increased contact being the most notable.
India and Ben start spending a lot of time together, like when India invites Ben to the Nicks game instead of her friend. Ben receives multiple messages from India, totaling 17 on his answering machine. During the basketball game, Ben uses the strategy of acquiring Indie’s soda to gain rewards. Furthermore, Ben makes a direct definitional bid to India, inviting her to the Delayer party as his girlfriend. Both India and Ben express their affection by exchanging tokens of love. For instance, Ben sends flowers while India presents Ben with a “love fern”. They also plan on attending a Nicks game together. Additionally, India frequently expresses her affection through verbal expressions, such as calling each other sweet names.
Ben received messages from India expressing her longing for him, her desire to share special experiences like the Cline Don concert, and her love for everything about his parent’s house. These connections between Ben and India were just a few examples of their efforts to strengthen their relationship. Both India and Ben, the main characters in the movie, wield power. India has power over Ben due to the principle of least interest; she is less invested in maintaining their relationship and, in fact, has an interest in not doing so.
Due to the fact that Ben is reliant on India for winning his bet and the Delayer pitch, he becomes highly invested in pleasing her and ensuring she remains in his life. Moreover, Ben develops feelings for India even before she reciprocates them. India possesses various sources of power, including her personal qualities (which Ben finds amazing) as well as the ability to reward or punish others. Ben can potentially receive indirect and unintended rewards if India falls in love with him, but he could also face punishment if she chooses to leave him. Given his strong interest in maintaining his relationship with India, Ben willingly allows himself to be controlled by her. It’s important to note that Ben wields power over individuals other than India as well.
He possesses strong personal qualities that contribute to his effectiveness in his job and attractiveness to women, and if he is successful in winning the bet, “the Judy” will not acquire the desired Delayer account. In response, “the Judy” implement preventive measures to undermine his influence. Initially, they select India for the bet as they believe Ben lacks the ability to win with her. Subsequently, after he secures victory, they inform Ben’s friends that he cheated and that India was aware of the bet, knowing that this information will reach her. Although neither Ben nor India hold any formal authority, they appear to be the most dominant characters in the film.
