Pipher recalls her cousin Polly’s childhood as a time filled with vibrant energy. She paints a picture of Polly as an active and adventurous girl who enjoyed dancing, participating in sports with the boys in her neighborhood, and horseback riding. However, as Polly reaches her teenage years, her peers start teasing her for not conforming to traditional feminine stereotypes and pressure her to adopt more feminine behaviors.
The boys ostracize Polly from their activities, while the girls isolate her due to her differences. This causes Polly to feel perplexed and withdrawn. Eventually, Polly starts dressing more stylishly and making more effort to conform. As a result, she once again becomes accepted and popular.
Dr. Pipher expresses her view that she is the sole person who is affected by Polly’s change from a strong and determined individual to a passive and compliant follower. In her discussion, Dr. Pipher delves into Freud’s examination of girls during the period of latency, which spans from around six or seven years old until puberty.
Dr. Pipher highlights the admirable flexibility of individuals during this stage, attributing it to their androgyny, which defies traditional gender roles. By transcending societal expectations, they are empowered to pursue their own desires without limitations. Dr. Pipher elaborates on the representation of this concept in fairy tales.
According to her observations, young women consume poisoned apples or prick their fingers with poisoned needles, leading to a hundred-year slumber. Their survival depends on being saved by a prince; however, this experience shapes their personalities to become passive and docile. Drawing upon Shakespeare’s Hamlet, she ponders the fate of Ophelia. Eventually rejected by Hamlet for her compliance with her father, she descends into madness.
Dr. Pipher suggests that adolescent girls are essentially behaving like female impersonators, motivated by the need to satisfy others. Nevertheless, the expectation to conform and assume a false persona not only causes their frustration but also prompts them to direct their anger towards the adults in their lives. This is primarily due to popular culture’s influence, which compels them to embrace both a genuine and an artificial identity.
Dr. Pipher compares these girls to saplings in a hurricane as they put on a false self for adults but suppress their true selves. She identifies three factors that contribute to their vulnerability in the storm.
The text highlights several ways in which adolescent girls are undergoing transformation, encompassing their physical, mental, and emotional aspects. This transition is accompanied by considerable anxiety as they strive to establish their position in society. Moreover, American culture exposes these young girls to sexism, capitalism, and lookism, which involves judging individuals based solely on their appearance. Additionally, American culture necessitates that teenage girls distance themselves from their parents precisely when they require their support the most.
The bonds between parents and children weaken as girls seek comfort and validation from their peers. Parents also experience distress due to the loss of this significant connection. According to Dr. Pipher, her adolescent female patients exhibit anger and sensitivity towards the adults they interact with.
They experience significant fluctuations in mood and exhibit unpredictable behavior. Dr. Pipher additionally observes that these problems are not limited to the individuals she treats as patients. Numerous young women she encounters at speaking engagements are grappling with similar challenges.
According to Dr. Pipher, psychologists lack conclusive theories for treating girls of this age because they are difficult to study. This is due to their secretive natures and their reluctance to discuss problems with adults.
Despite adolescent girls refusing to discuss their problems with their parents, they still hold their parents responsible for the difficulties they face and expect them to shield them from societal dangers. Consequently, parents may internalize blame for their daughters’ behavior, experiencing a sense of isolation and convinced that they are the sole individuals who share such sentiments.
According to Dr. Pipher, the problems faced by girls can have long-term effects on their adult lives. Although some of these issues may get better in late high school, there are women who continue to suffer from the pain they encountered during adolescence.
Certain women lose total connection with their personal desires, becoming enraged adults who feel deceived. They perceive that despite adhering to all regulations, the ideal life they desire continues to elude them. Parents hold themselves accountable for their daughters’ difficulties; yet, Dr.
According to Pipher, the blame for dysfunctional families lies with American culture. In therapy, she encounters families that may not truly be dysfunctional, but are affected by their dysfunctional cultural environment. While parents try to instill their values and ideals in their daughters, the mainstream media contradicts these messages.
Children may hold their parents responsible for their discontentment in their teenage years while simultaneously relying on them for protection and nurturing, despite distancing themselves. By maturity, they may comprehend that societal influences are at fault. Dr.
Pipher discusses her own challenges in assisting girls, noting that most psychology professors are male and do not focus on the study of girls. She observes that certain common issues, such as weight obsession, fear of rejection, and the pursuit of perfection, seem to stem from societal norms rather than each girl’s unique personality. Consequently, adolescent girls are confronted with conflicting messages.
They are expected to meet conflicting societal expectations. They are pressured to possess external beauty, yet reminded that true beauty goes beyond the surface. They are encouraged to display sexuality, but cautioned against being perceived as overly sexual. They are advised to be truthful, unless it may offend someone. They are encouraged to be self-sufficient, while also maintaining a pleasant demeanor.
Dr. Pipher concludes her discussion by addressing the experience of teenage girls during adolescence. At this crucial stage, girls go through intense preparations for their future adult roles while striving to maintain a balance between intelligence and assertiveness without overshadowing their male counterparts.
Girls are socialized to relinquish any masculine traits or behaviors deemed undesirable by popular culture. They are required to embody attractiveness, conform to feminine ideals, exhibit selflessness, and readily assist others. Moreover, they must invest energy in nurturing and preserving relationships while simultaneously demonstrating capability and competence without expressing dissatisfaction. Dr.
According to Pipher, adolescent girls face a challenge in trying to balance their femininity and adulthood. She references a study conducted by psychologist I. K. Broverman, in which both male and female participants are asked to select adjectives that define healthy men, healthy women, and healthy adults.
Most people describe healthy men and healthy adults in the same way. However, healthy women are described very differently – as passive, dependent, and illogical, while healthy adults are seen as active, independent, and logical. Today’s adolescent girls face challenges in understanding the societal expectations of transitioning into young womanhood.
The act of speaking up as a girl is met with the derogatory label of being a “bitch”, while girls who are deemed unattractive are treated with disdain. These harmful behaviors are further perpetuated through various mediums such as pornography, song lyrics, criticism, and teasing. Additionally, teen magazines heavily emphasize topics revolving around diet, makeup, and the constant pursuit of boys.
Girls who study history mainly come across narratives that center around men and a Constitution that only grants voting rights to white males. In addition, teenage girls often concentrate heavily on their physical appearance, disregarding activities such as sports, hobbies, or staying informed about current events.
According to Dr. Pipher, the most fortunate girls are those who fall in between average and attractive. These girls possess confidence and self-worth not only based on their looks but also on their sense of humor, intelligence, and personal strength.
According to Dr. Pipher, young girls in America aim to achieve the appearance of media celebrities. This has resulted in American beauty queens becoming taller and thinner.
Pipher explains that both boys and girls experience the imaginary audience syndrome, where they believe that people are constantly observing and judging them. This belief further widens the gap between their actual selves and their desired selves. Additionally, young girls encounter challenges with their emotional development. Their emotions tend to be intense and unpredictable.
Dr. Pipher emphasizes that even the most insignificant remark, particularly about a girl’s physical appearance, can deeply affect her emotions. During this stage of development, girls often lose perspective on what truly matters and mistakenly perceive minor issues as significant matters.
It can be challenging to communicate with young girls in their early adolescence years because they struggle to grasp abstract concepts. Their immaturity often leads to overanalyzing, making communication difficult.
Pipher covers a wide range of relationships in her stories, including strict and absent parents, jealous and gay parents, single and divorced parents, families facing death or illness, foreign families, and various sibling relationships. She discusses the unique challenges and triumphs that each of these family types experience. Pipher delves deeply into topics such as insecurities, lookism, false self versus authentic self, acquaintance rape, bulimia, anorexia, self-mutilation, misogyny, and Feminism.
Dr. Pipher compares adolescent girls to delicate young trees swaying in the face of a threatening storm or hurricane, as well as various types of flowers. Her observations are spot-on, as she encounters and discusses a myriad of teenage girls.
She emphasizes the negative influences that adolescents idolize and is disheartened by the self-deprecating behavior of girls. She believes that all girls are beautiful and exceptional in their own unique ways.
