The movie Don Jon illustrates how the media influences our expectations of relationships and gender roles.
Jon Martello, known as Don Jon, was raised in suburban America, epitomizing the typical “New Jersey Boy.” As an adult working as a club bartender in his hometown, he earned his nickname due to his prowess in seducing and sleeping with a different woman every weekend. However, even the most beautiful women fail to satisfy him as much as pornography does. Barbara Sugarman, on the other hand, seeks a traditional, ideal man based on her Hollywood-inspired criteria. When the two meet, they enter a highly constrictive relationship. While Barbara dreams of romantic moments like candle-lit dinners and a happy family with white picket fences, Don Jon struggles to understand the true meaning of love and sex. The movie explores the societal expectations imposed on relationships of the twentieth century by portraying the false fantasies perpetuated by media.
In a young, middle-class society, traditional gender expectations are closely followed. Men are portrayed as dominant and powerful within the household, while women are depicted as strong yet submissive individuals who prioritize maintaining the domestic sphere. The film revolves around the male protagonist’s fixation on various aspects of his life such as his body, home, family, church, friendships, romantic relationships, and pornography – indicating that these are the sole things that hold significance for him. Women’s roles also align with societal expectations discussed by Connell Raewyn in lecture. She suggests that many women dedicate their lives to creating and nurturing families throughout their lifetimes and having an attractive or at least presentable appearance is a crucial aspect of our culture’s perception of womanhood.
The main female character exemplified these expectations by openly expressing her desire to emulate the love stories portrayed in Hollywood films. She fully embraced the notion, as described by Connell Raewyn, that mass culture teaches girls to prioritize their desirability, as if their ultimate purpose is to patiently await Prince Charming on luxurious cushions. She longed for a dedicated husband, children, an attractive figure, and was willing to wait for the perfect partner. Although she herself was independent and self-sufficient, she aimed to mold Jon into a man who could meet her needs if she chose not to work. This stereotype of “men bringing home the bacon” often arises from societal norms surrounding gender roles. According to Raewyn’s analysis, gender disparities are typically evident in terms of women having fewer resources compared to men. For instance, statistics reveal that worldwide women’s average incomes amount only to 56 percent of men’s.
Both men and women face challenges in meeting societal expectations of their gender, which raises questions about the definition and aspects of masculinity. Jon had a specific idea of what it meant to be a man and tried to conform to that ideal. According to Raewyn, boys are taught to prioritize toughness and dominance. Jon put a lot of effort into improving his physical appearance, acquiring expensive cars and clothing to impress others, actively participating in religious and family events, as well as engaging in behaviors he believed were typical of men like watching pornography. Pornography seemed to shape his understanding of masculinity and influenced how he saw its characteristics. He claimed that when viewing pornographic material he completely lost himself; however, he struggled to recreate this feeling during real-life intimate encounters with women.
In her analysis, Linda Williams acknowledges the function of fantasy wish-fulfillment in nineteenth-century pornography and its focus on male pleasure. This emphasis on satisfying men is excessively prevalent within the porn industry. This idea serves as a central theme in the film, as Jon comes to realize that sex is about the connection between two individuals, not solely about male gratification. The director deconstructs societal stereotypes and expectations associated with gender roles, including the notion that someone else can fulfill all of one’s needs, the belief that men should dominate and provide most of the income, and the idea that an attractive and strong appearance is a prerequisite for success in society.
