Petersen breaks down the communication process in five parts. These areas come are separate and work together in different ways. Petersen breaks down the communication process so it easy to understand. Flat brain theory of emotions tells of how the mind and emotions interact (Petersen, 2007). Pictures are provided to provide visual perspective of where the logic is. The stomach represents feelings. The stomach lets people know when they are excited , uncomfortable, or nervous. Feelings are the responses to the environment (Petersen, 2007). Communication keeps the stomach heart and head working together and separately (Petersen, 2007).
There are two levels of communication. Level one interprets information given and received from others. Level one involves making relationships with others (Petersen, 2007). Flat brain syndrome is when the communication system is not functioning in sync (Petersen, 2007). Feelings are overloaded in flat brain syndrome. The stomach becomes full of feelings, decreasing the emotion container (Petersen, 2007). The heart becomes bricklike due to the growing stomach. This makes it difficult to open up to others and give and receive suggestions (Petersen, 2007). The brain once square and sound is not flat and rounded.
People with flat brain syndrome are often defensive and thoughts irrational. Flat brain syndrome individuals become hard of hearing and have select hearing because it is difficult to give and receive information (Petersen, 2007). The talking and listening process is complicated. Petersen explains each communication process of listening and talking individually to better understand. In this section he introduces the Talker-Listener Card (TLC). The TLC allows the person talking or listening to have their time to so do without interruption in order to facilitate a open dialogue (Petersen, 2007).
The talker is either most bothered or the one that owns the problem. Being bothered does not mean it is something negative they are dealing with. Their feelings are anything ranging from excited to nervous. When the talker owns the problem the listener is aware the conversation will be about the talker (Petersen, 2007). The listener is calm enough to hear and does not own the problem. Petersen says, “When we stay clear that we don’t own the talkers problems, we set aside our point of view, hot buttons, biases and hobby horses.
As we do we become more able to focus on the situation and inside their perspective (Petersen, 2007). ” RESPOND! This reading makes me think of my listening skills versus others. This is one of the smallest section in the book but it stuck out to me due to a friend I have. Some people cannot listen (Petersen, 2007). I have always been there to listen to her when she has things going on in her life but when I need her we always end up talking about her problem. In this case, she owned the problem but I had a problem as well and my sole reason for calling was just to have someone I trusted to talk to.
I do not even remember what we talked about because my emotions were into play and I could not and did not want to listen to her. As she answered I said, “I need to talk, girl. ” She went on to say, “What is it? ” I begin to tell her my issue and she interrupted me with, “I have the same problem! ” Then she told her story. I could not focus on what she had to say I was so upset I did not want to listen. The conversation ended rather quickly because the person I knew would listen called on the other line. Petersen talks about how to apply the TLC while on the phone.
He says that the roles will change rapidly but in her case the listening side will stay on for over 70 percent of the time (Petersen, 2007) She is a talker and I should accept that role of a listener. Petersen says, “Some people don’t have the disposition to be listener. Their own thoughts and feelings make so much internal noise, they can’t hear anyone else (Petersen, 2007). ” This is the case for my friend no matter what she has to talk about herself and what she has on her mind. I have to keep this in mind at all times. REFLECT! This book is a great tool for people working on their communication skills.
It can help with those with listening defects, issues with talking their problems out and for those that may need to understand why they act a certain way when overwhelmed with feelings. It was an easy read, which is always helpful. I enjoyed the additives of the Petersen’s experiences in communication. Due to the nature of Liberty, I would have expected the book to have a reference to the Bible at one point or another. It does not bother me but for those students going in to Christian counseling then it may pose an issue not being able to go directly to this book alone when needing assistance with a client with communication skills.
They will have to do a little more footwork to make sure the book aligns with the Bible. I have not used or heard of the TLC but I want to give it a try to be aware of how I communicate. ACT! I am a great listener but I can work on advising and agreeing. I will be more conscience in when it is appropriate. I did not realize how much I did it until recently. Sometimes I just agree because it seems easier than say nothing at all. I usually suspect when people say, “you know what I mean? They are not looking for an agreement but I know some people that are looking for an answer when they take a long pause. I will be more conscience on what I agree with. Agreeing with them should not matter (Petersen, 2007). I have a habit of providing advice even when people do not ask for it and it has made some friendships dependent on it. Advice became expected all the time when sometimes I only want to have a nice dialogue. One thing I need to keep in mind is “Advising too, is talking, not listening (Petersen, 2007). ” One new listening skill I take away from reading is Ring the pebble.
I often ask questions back to back when someone comes to me with an issue without thinking it through myself. The problem with this is although they felt comfortable enough to share a serious issue with me they may not be up to all the questions and I have not thought about it enough to ask the proper questions. Ringing the pebble give me enough time to make sure I understand the situation and gives them enough time to settle their mind (Petersen, 2007).
Reference
Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why Dont We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications.
