It has been centuries since Dante had visited the inferno. The world that he once knew of having a strong Christian point of view has since changed towards a nondiscriminatory Christian point of view. The Roman church was split and had two popes. Cults emerged and stabilized themselves as Calvinist and Puritans. The communities welcomed Christian homosexuality. The morals that priests once held became corrupted by the romantic industrialization. Dante’s hell has since been changed to accommodate the miscreants in the nine levels of hell and put a punishment to right their sin in a Christian manner.
Hell consists of nine levels where the miscreants are categorized by the sin they commit during their life. The first level of hell is Limbo. Limbo was a peaceful level where the ancient heroes, philosophers, non-baptized children, and pagans spent eternity dwelling about within hell’s walls as the light of reason shines down onto them (Pinsky 37). Limbo has since then been overcrowded by the rise of abortions and deaths of the souls of those whom hadn’t followed Christian beliefs. Limbo’s overcrowded land caved into a bottomless pit in hell, sucking in all the souls into an eternity of falling away from the light of reason. Limbo is not a level of torment, but a level of emptiness with the light representing God. God is something these souls never had the pleasure of knowing of.
The lustful are placed in the second level of hell. They were once whirled around by a neverending wind yet the new souls found this torment rather enjoyable than torture, so a new torment was made up for this level (Pinksy 39). The lustful souls from Dante’s time were turned into demons that resemble the other lustful souls true loves then tear them into pieces. The souls will regenerate into demons resembling the other batch of lustful souls and tear them apart. The torment’s reason is the have the lustful souls feel the pain of being betrayed by the one’s truly loved. Bill Clinton, Kobe and Anna Nicole Smith’s late husband are some of the souls that will be placed in this level of hell.
The stinking gluttons are tormented in the third level of hell. Gluttons use to lay amongst themselves in the water and mud as Cerebus would claw and bite them (Pinsky 47). The punishment that the Gluttons had did not accommodate the large percentage of population in the world that committed this sin. The punishment in the third level of hell is that the gluttons shall eat and drink all the human waste produced on earth until they explode. A glutton is the only thing that a glutton can digest. Once they explode all over the human waste to be eaten by the gluttons, they run a risk of being eaten by a glutton if they do not regenerate in time. Once they are eaten and digested by a glutton, they become “shit demons” that sort and pile the human waste for the gluttons, eventually they will be eaten by a glutton and regenerated into a “shit demon” for another glutton. It is a shitty place to be for a glutton. Rosie O’Donald and Roseanne will be sharing a bench at this level of hell.
The souls that committed avarice and prodigality are placed in the fourth level of hell. They use to roll weights back and forth against one another but the punishment was ruled unproductive (Pinsky 53). The souls are made to believe that blood is the only true fortune to them and they go about the cracks on the walls of their level collecting the blood seeping through from the lower levels. The souls can store as much blood as they want in their bodies, only to become fatter and move slower. The avarice souls collect more blood than their body can handle without becoming slower are eaten by Plutus when chased after. The prodigality souls have little care for collecting the blood and end up dieing from exhaustion after being chased by Plutus. Many of the rich and famous will be in this level, such as the Hilton sisters and all of Beverly Hills.
The fifth level of hell stores the wrathful and sullen. The wrathful sinners punishment was to lash out and fight amongst each other while the sullen sinners would gurgle in the mud (Pinsky 53). The new torment puts the wrathful in the river Styx tiring to climb onto the bank while the sullen are forced by demons to dunks the wrathful heads into the river to drown them. Whenever a wrathful manages to escape from the sullen drowning and run for freedom, the sullen always catch up to the wrathful soul and beat and drag it back to the river with wood bats that have 7 inch nails nailed into them. Tom Arnold, Fifty Cent and Richard Simmons will be soaking in this level.
The Heretics reside in the sixth level of hell. They use to be stuffed in burning tombs but the torment wasn’t sufficient enough to put a right to their sin (Pinsky 69). Heretics have reeds nailed into their hands and backs and are forced to climb up a mountain while fireballs rain down on them. Occasionally a heretic will fall down and be trampled to death by the other sinners then regenerate at the bottom of the mountain and start the climb for once again for eternity. All of the divine rulers will be placed in this level.
The seventh level of hell belongs to the people who have committed the sin of violence (Pinsky 99). The first round of the seventh level belongs to the people who committed violence against their neighbors and fellow men. Souls such as Alexander the Great would be boiling in blood while Centaurs would be shooting arrows down into the to river. The twist added to the punishment for these souls is that the centaurs are constantly shooting arrows at them and each time they are struck down by an arrow, they’ll feel all the pain they caused to the murdered and the pain suffered by the victims loved ones. The suicides belong in the second round of the seventh level of hell. These souls are forced to watch their loved ones grow up and die for eternity. Souls whom have committed the sin of violence against God reside in the third round of the seventh level. Souls that are blasphemers are hung off the old suicide trees, always choking yet never dieing for eternity. Souls that are sodomites are those that did not produce any offspring while they were alive on earth, so they are going to produce offspring in hell. Sodomites are the baby demon producers for hell. They will carry one demon in the scrotum for a day until impregnated by a demon. Once impregnated, the sodomite will give birth to the baby demon through the urinal hole of the penis. The souls that are categorized as usurers, are forced to collect the fluids that is released from the sodomite while giving birth to a baby demon and drinks it. Many suppose Elton John, Hitler, Castro, Napoleon and George Bush will be in this level of hell. Violence is a serious sin.
The eighth level of hell is the maleboge, the realm of simple fraud. These souls use to be divided into ten pits with different punishments (Pinsky 135). The ten pits have now been transformed into theaters using the giants as screens. All the souls are piled onto each other, under extreme cold wind to watch the Olympic figure skating for eternity. Many famous celebrities will be in this level, such as Walt Disney, Vin Diesel, Ice T, BackStreet Boys and Nsync.
The ninth level of hell is Cocytus, the realm of the compound fraud (Pinsky 265). The first round of Cocytus is Caina, traders of family. The miscreants are surrounding Lucifer’s body at the base emerged in molten lava. The freezing wind that Lucifer produces hardened the top layer of the lava, entrapping the Caina souls into a freezing and burning torment. The second round in Cocytus is Anetnora, the souls that are traitors to their country. These traitors are flipped upside down, head first into the lava. Their upper body will burn for eternity while their lower body freezes. The third round in Cocytus is Judecca. These are the traitors to their lords. Judas betrayed Christ. Brutus and Cassius betrayed Ceaser. Lucifer betrayed God. Judas, Brutus and Cassius use to be stuffed into Lucifer’s three mouths and chewed for eternity. Lucifer is now head first into the lava with Judas, Brutus and Cassius stuffed into Lucifer’s rectum.
Hell has been renovated to suit the sins committed on earth and in heaven. The punishments suit a radical Christian’s point of view, such as Dante’s. The political and Christian world will be set in place once reminded of Hell’s true torments to those who sin. The crimes have not changed since Dante has last visited Hell, yet the punishments are more severe. Hell is only a gate away.
