Everyone hates liars but little do we realize that lying has become so common that it has become part of our everyday life. Most lie to protect themselves while some do so to “protect” others; where the latter has been known to be called a white lie. Some may argue that a white lie is needed to protect people’s feelings, but, is it really both socially and morally acceptable?
Lying, according to Sissela Bok in her book named “Lying”, is “an intentionally deceptive message in the form of a statement”, which is also supported by the dictionary as it defines a lie as “anything meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.” According to Sissela Bok, a white lie is “a falsehood that is not meant to injure anyone and of a little moral import.”
We, as a society, have become so accustomed to lies that we tend to deceive ourselves into believing that the small white lies that we tell each day is needed to protect someone else’s emotions. However, that is not usually true because, truth is, we as humans often lie because we want another person to love us, protect ourselves from others’ disappointment, anger or even abandonment. A simple example can be seen when an employee blames the traffic when they came in late for work or when a husband who lies to his wife about which buddy he’s going out with. People may consider those as white lies based on the severity of the lies but is it really? Are they really trying to protect the feelings and emotions of the said boss and wife, or, are they just trying to protect themselves from anger, disappointment or even abandonment from the people around them? If you were to dissect those given scenarios, it is pretty clear that it is the latter and that white lies are still lies which is not socially acceptable. When was the last time you told a white lie? Ask yourself honestly, was it to protect you or someone else?
We all know that trust is fragile. If you think about it, human relationships are at their best when people can trust each other but, it really doesn’t take much time nor effort to erode it. Lying, and even white lying, causes doubt, and this uncertainty often leads to suspicion, mistrust, and ultimately, to someone feeling betrayed. At times, lying not only causes distrust but also disappointment and resentment in the deceived. We need to understand that not everyone sees things the way that we do or understand why we do certain things even if we had the best of intentions in doing it. Unfortunately, that’s just the way how both the mind and the world works. What we consider a white lie may not be that light for others and these misunderstandings is what deteriorates trusts in the relationship between them. By lying or white lying to people closest to you, you’re subliminally proving to them that you’re more than willing to lie anytime when it suits your purpose. You may think that it’s the right thing to do at that very moment and may even feel good about doing so but lies, no matter how big or small it is, will only weaken trust and security in the long term. Lying in short and as explained, creates cracks in the foundation of trust and would eventually be the cause of distrust in human relationships. When was the last time someone lied to you? Have you ever asked yourself after , ‘if he/she can lie to me regarding these minor issues, what else could they lie about in the future?’
A study was done by Garrett, N, et al. “The Brain Adapts to Dishonesty.” Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports., U.S. National Library of Medicine, Dec. 2016, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27775721, have proven that a small lie will eventually lead to bigger ones in the future.
“Dishonesty is an integral part of our social world, influencing domains ranging from finance and politics to personal relationships. Anecdotally, digressions from a moral code are often described as a series of small breaches that grow over time. Here we provide empirical evidence for a gradual escalation of self-serving dishonesty and reveal a neural mechanism supporting it.
Behaviorally, we show that the extent to which participants engage in self-serving dishonesty increases with repetition…….Critically, the extent of reduced amygdala sensitivity to dishonesty on a present decision relative to the previous one predicts the magnitude of escalation of self-serving dishonesty on the next decision. The findings uncover a biological mechanism that supports a ‘slippery slope’: what begins as small acts of dishonesty can escalate into larger transgressions.”
Lying creates a slippery slope because as humans, we tend to rate and make decisions based on a sliding scale and thus, we tend to rate lies too, one that slides in our favour. Often, we tell ourselves that these white lies are ‘harmless’ and that we’re just being kind but, have we ever really asked ourselves when does these little ‘harmless’ lies slides into a more serious deception? We don’t realize that while we’re deceiving people with our white lies, we’re actually deceiving ourselves too. Over time, these lies desensitize people. We slowly tend to lose the understanding of the severity and cause-and-effect of lying. We all know that lying is an undesirable behaviour and shouldn’t be condoned but it has become such a norm that the world we live in today actually condones these white lies. If it is acceptable, are we telling ourselves that lying is acceptable and even beneficial to human relationships or even in our marriage? Lying is metaphorically just like digging a grave for ourselves because sometimes, one lie leads to another. We tell the second lie to cover up the first and it’ll never stop till the truth is out.
As hard as it may be to swallow, granted and sometimes in total, the truth may be awkward, tough and not beautiful. That being said, saying everything that pops into your head can just be as harmful as lying itself. But while we shouldn’t be needlessly tyrannical, we should at least strive to be honest, truthful and most importantly authentic. We ought to learn how to go up and fight against the pain and awkwardness of potentially hurting and disappointing the people around us, especially those that we deeply care about. Let your words be your bond for lies, even white lies, may lead to bigger problems.
