Why do people stay abusive relationships

Table of Content

ke and Tina Turner was a famous couple to compose music in the late 20th century. (Wikane) The media convinced the world that they were a happy and peaceful couple. During their prime, most did not know that Tina was abused on countless occasions by Ike physically and verbally. In some situations, he would order her to have intercourse with him after a vicious beating. In addition, he threatened her life and to end her career if she told anyone or left him. As many would ask, why would she or anybody else stay in this type of relationship? Tina and a vast majority of victims stay in these relationships because they are truly in love with their abusive partner. According to statistics, “75% of battered women try to commit suicide.” (abetterway) In result of years of suffering, Tina nearly committed suicide. After consistent abuse from Ike, Tina left and filed for divorce. In most cases, women are not financially stable or courageous to leave an abusive relationship or marriage. In some cases children are involved which puts a strain on the victim and the children. According to statistics, the reason behind women staying in abusive relationships is cultural; however, victims that stay to continuously suffer abuse usually recognize three components within their relationship.

Love keeps a victim from leaving their abusive partner because love is one of the primary reasons why abuse is easily forgiven. Yet, victims feel the need to help their spouse from abusive actions by considering counseling but it is all within the abusers decision to change. Love is a foundation that helps victims compromise through abuse in relationships and marriages. When women try to cope with the beatings, statistics say, “Everyday in the U.S, more than three women are murdered by their husband or boyfriends.” (domesticviolencestatistics ) Love makes victims willing to stay in hopes that the abuse will end. Victims usually refrain from informing the police because they realize that their partner could be arrested and imprisoned. Though to some victims this is what abusers deserve, some victims would acquire a sense of guilt if their partner were to be arrested and to lose them completely.

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According to a global study, “Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.” (domesticviolencestatistics) Even some victims feel that if they leave their abuser they may end up in another relationship with another abuser, so their mind is set that there is no purpose to leave who they are currently in love with. After most conflicts, abusers want to show that they love them back by expressing sympathy such as, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, and please forgive me.” Abusers use particular things to get forgiveness which can be materialistic, personality traits such as humor or charm, and memories that the two shared or hope to gain. “The abuser will swear, “It will never happen again” and may shower the victim with gifts and demands that the victim forgive him or her.

There may be so called “makeup sex” which can be quite pleasurable and provide the victim with a sense that he or she is valued and really loved.”(Patricelli) Love keeps victims remaining in relationships but having nowhere to go also keeps a victim retained and vulnerable to domestic violence. Dependency is difficult to swallow when a partner is victim to domestic violence. Finance is not controversial when two revenues combine to make one. Say for instance a woman with a low income job is dependent on her partner for at least half of their joint necessities such as bills, rent, and car payments, she knows how important her spouse is when it is comes to finance. These essentials can control her choice because she knows that without her spouse she cannot provide which makes the abuser feel superior.

Though some victims choose not to jeopardize their own lives because of their spouses, some feel that their best alternative is to leave without hesitation of where they may end up. In a survey by the U.S. Conference of Mayors, 56% of cities surveyed cited domestic violence as a primary cause of homelessness. (abetterway) Dependent income in an abusive relationship can ruin a person’s life but it is much more critical when children are a part of the picture. Family is a precious thing that victims do not want to let go of but children undergo so much when they are in an abusive environment. Some victims would prefer the child to grow up with an intact home so they try to, “Tough it out”, however, this puts the child in serious danger as well. A study by Institute for Children and Poverty stated, “A 2003 study found that children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence  gainst a parent-which places a child at great risk for injury or even death.” (safehorizon) At times children are used for threats or a sense of defense. For example, the victim may say, “I will take him/her and never come back if you do not stop.”

On the other hand, abusers may use children to keep control of their victim. For example, “I will kill him/her if you leave.” When children hear this between their parents, children are easily torn from a parent. This puts pressure on the children and makes them feel that they have to pick a side which breaks a relationship with a parent. Children are seriously affected by these traumatizing sightings which can cause them to become scarred. Florida correctional officers were administered online surveys asking a series of questions about beliefs and attitudes about the prevalence of domestic violence. 30% reported that they had directly experienced domestic violence as children. (Colby) Though victims feel it is best for children to be in a well put together home, domestic violence is not an atmosphere for a child to grow up around. It is clear that victims usually focus more of their energy on “if I leave”, not what will happen if I stay.

Though qualities in an abuser stand out over their abuse, it should be known that severity will grow within domestic violence because of the power the abuser has due to essentials. When victims do not leave, it provides the abuser superiority; however, victims that continuously endure domestic violence and stay usually recognize factors in their partner. Domestic violence has reduced because of well spread awareness and empowerment. An emphasis has been put on this crisis for help to be available to victims and to decrease the rates of abuse. With future generations witnessing abuse on a daily basis, it can teach them that this is the way men and women are supposed to treat their spouses in order to express that they are superior. This is an issue that needs to be understood because would you want your child and grandchildren being abused and physically damaged by the person they love without a way out?

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Why do people stay abusive relationships. (2016, Jun 13). Retrieved from


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