As human beings we crave comfortability. When something disrupts our comfort, it is in our nature to scramble for a solution, to seek immediate relief from the chaos that has disrupted our lives. Sometimes, we are fortunate enough that the solution is clear, and easy. But, sometimes there is no easy solution. Sometimes, we have to search through thick fog, only to find an answer that is difficult to accept. Unintended pregnancy disrupts the comfort in the lives of women across the globe, and abortion is a solution that many cling to in an attempt of relief.
Abortion. The word by itself is enough to light a fire inside. It’s mere existence is enough to create outrage rooted in hate and disgust. Just hearing it spoken out loud can shatter someone’s heart into more than one thousand tiny pieces. Some feel abortion is ethically and morally wrong. Some believe access to safe and legal abortions is a human right. Everyone seems to have a fervent opinion on the matter. However, very few of us have ever stepped foot inside of an abortion clinic. How is it fair to speak so fiercely to a matter that we truly know nothing about?
Sallie Tisdale aims to give her readers an inside look at abortion through her personal account of working as a nurse in an abortion clinic. In her writing she plays into the paradox that is abortion, intentionally drawing an emotional response from the reader without ever disclosing her own position on the procedure, thus allowing the reader to make a decision for themselves. I believe her writing is incredibly effective for this very reason. No matter which side of the abortion debate you fall on, you could use her piece to support your stance, proving that abortion is both a light and the dark, or as Tisdale puts it, “the narrowest edge between kindness and cruelty”.
Tisdale aims to prove that abortion is not subjected to a small demographic of women but rather various groups that all women can relate to. She states that, “Women have abortions because they are too old, and too young, too poor, and too rich, too stupid, and too smart.” She recounts both a “twenty three year old mother of two having her seventh abortion” as well as a sixteen year old girl who was raped. By telling these stories she plays into both sides of the abortion debate. Reading about the twenty three year old women, having her seventh abortion, made me feel sick to my stomach. This is why people have a pro-life stance. This is why people stand outside of Planned Parenthood clinics across the nation screaming about the murder of innocent babies. But then, just a few sentences later she talks about the sixteen year old victim of rape, who has contracted gonorrhea, and clearly, to me at least, is not mentally stable enough to care for herself let alone another human life. My heart hurt for this young girl, I felt compassion for her and wished her nothing but relief from the horrible circumstance she has found herself in. This is why the federal government made abortion legal in 1973. This is why doctors are trained in the procedure. Telling the stories of her patients, not only allows the reader to understand the sympathy Tisdale herself feels for these women, but also forces the reader, no matter their personal stance, to feel for them as well. In feeling sympathy for these women, it allows for the kindness that is abortion to be understood.
At this point, it may seem as though Tisdale is arguing in favor of a pro-choice standpoint, without explicitly saying so. However, she goes on to describe the actual procedure, which leads readers to think otherwise. She vividly describes the ultrasounds that are performed before termination, the beating heart of the fetus, and how it moves around making it hard to find the leg that is necessary to determine gestation. She states “the creature I watch in secret requires nothing from me but to be left alone, and that is precisely what won’t be done.” That statement alone is enough to wrench the readers heart, and make you feel Tisdale’s guilt for the practice. At this point she has made the fetus more than just “tissue” she has made it something very real, with a beating heart, that could and would come to be a human life if only they allowed it to be. She continues to describe the aftermath of the procedure. She describes the basin full of blood clots, but also the “translucent arm and hand that swim beside.” It is nearly impossible to read this without seeing abortion as a cruel, brutal and unfair act taken out on the fetus.
Although Tisdale admits that the procedure is brutal and takes enough of a toll on her mental and emotional well being to cause her to have nightmares of “trees full of crawling fetuses”, she is also reminded of the image of women laying on kitchen tables performing home abortions with coat hangers, a sad reality for many before abortion was legalized in the US, which leads her to state that abortion is “merciful violence, like putting a suffering animal to death.” The mention of her nightmares is necessary because it humanizes Tisdale. Many may view abortion providers as cold, and emotionless but this personal anecdote forces the reader to see her as a real person who is dealing with very real emotions. Just as disturbing as the imagine of fetuses crawling in trees is the image of women performing unsafe and unsanitary home abortions on themselves. This mention serves as a reminder that even if abortion was not legal, and no doctors would perform the procedure, it would not mean that abortion would simply not exist. Women have always and will always seek out relief from the unintended, unexpected and unwanted chaos that overtakes their live when they see that positive line screaming that they are unwillingly pregnant. Next time the fire lights inside, step back and remember there is no definitive black or white, right or wrong, as we all wish there was.
