Helen Keller, an American author, political activist, and lecturer, once said that “walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” This quote became our anthem as my best friend and I confronted countless challenges together throughout the years. We always held onto this quote dearly.
From the beginning of sixth grade, we have been friends. Over the years, I considered her to be my closest friend and never expected her to harm me. Despite others insisting that she mistreated me, I always believed her treatment was normal. She began with subtle odd behaviors such as asking me to run errands or clean up after her, which I thought were acts of kindness. Later on, I learned from others that she enjoyed treating me like a “pet” and took advantage of my kindness by making me her servant.
The beginning of a long, toxic friendship marked the start of subtle behaviors that went unnoticed by others. While asking a friend to put her dishes in the sink may not seem overly controlling, it was just the first step. I eventually stopped being her dishwasher, but she found other ways to exert control over me. Exploiting my kind-hearted, easy-going nature and slight shyness, she deliberately picked fights for no apparent reason. She would ignore me for days on end without explanation, only to manipulate me back into her life. When I attempted to distance myself, she would tug me back in by sharing stories of her alcoholic mother physically abusing her sister. She knew I would feel guilty if I wasn’t there for her.
I allowed her to have power over me for an extended period of time, enduring her constant physical and emotional abuse that left me feeling utterly insignificant. It was challenging to be in a friendship where I was consistently mistreated. Deep down, I recognized that our bond was highly destructive and that I had to sever ties with her, but fear held me back.
Due to her lack of other friends, I believed she depended on me. Whenever her romantic relationship deteriorated or when her mother became intoxicated and began arguing with her, she had no one else to confide in. Cunningly, she persuaded me that I deserved the abuse she subjected me to and that I carried all the blame.
Despite the six-month period where she cut me off, I accomplished more than I ever imagined. In fact, those six months without her brought about more personal growth than the previous six years with her. It became clear that she didn’t truly rely on me since she was able to let me go for such a long time. Nonetheless, I chose to reconnect not because I necessarily missed her but because I missed having a best friend. Though it may have been foolish of me, I genuinely believed that things would get better. Our time apart was supposed to strengthen our friendship and surprisingly, everything was great for a few months. We were able to maintain our friendship without conflicts or being cut off for five months.
It was inevitable that the good times would come to an end. While I understand why our friendship had to be severed, I’m unsure about the exact sequence of events. In a span of two weeks, several incidents occurred leading me to terminate our friendship. To start off, she insulted my boyfriend by labeling him as controlling. Then, on senior prom day, she intentionally caused a delay resulting in our entire group being two hours late for the dance. Lastly, she became angry with me because I didn’t respond to her text for an hour and a half. In retaliation, she took to Facebook and posted malicious comments about me – this was the final straw after enduring mistreatment for six years. It’s clear that maintaining a friendship with someone who lacks basic manners is not something I desire.
Ending a six-year friendship is not easy, but I chose to be direct and honest about it. I explained that our friendship was not moving forward and there was no point in continuing. With other commitments and sources of stress, I could no longer handle the relationship. She expressed her hurt over ending a long-lasting friendship without much trouble, which briefly made me feel remorseful.
Recalling the nights I spent in tears in my bedroom reminded me of those memories, bringing a sense of relief. At last, I had severed all ties with the most poisonous individual I had encountered and it was time to progress.
I used to love my ex-best friend unconditionally, but now I feel indifferent towards them. As I grew stronger and older, my emotions changed, and I decided to replace my previous anthem with a more empowering one.
The quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is now the guiding principle of my life. Alexis taught me the importance of not only deserving respect but also believing that I am worthy of it. Anyone who wants to be part of my life must show me respect.
