In August of 2018, I was very excited to begin a new job. However, as weeks went by I started having panic attacks before work. The environment at my new job was not how I had envisioned it. It was not welcoming or pleasant and realized it was not the right fit. Everything began to get very overwhelming; my anxiety began to take me hostage. I would cry every day before going to work and I was unable to enjoy even the company of my loved ones. In recommendation of my doctor, I left my job. Now not was I fighting anxiety but I was also jobless.
Losing my job was devastating, I felt like I had lost my purpose and reason for being in this world. As overwhelming as this situation was, I was blessed to have the company of my kittens. They were just over a year old, they were brother and sister. I had raised them since they were a few weeks old. The girl was a mix of white, brown and gray fur. She had the cutest face, she was petite, needy, cuddly, but yet very sassy. I named her Chula which in Spanish means beautiful. Her brother was the opposite, he was bigger, independent, and a very confident orange tabby. I name him Canelo which in Spanish is the masculine word for cinnamon.
Every morning I would get up to feed them, play with them and it helped me focus on something other than my worries. Even on my darkest days they would light up my whole world with their presence. With the comfort my kittens gave me, my anxiety and mental health began to get better.
A month after having lost my job, I started noticing Chula was getting thinner, eating less, and losing interest in her favorite activities. I began to panic; I sensed something was wrong. I took her into the vet and got her labs done. A day later, I nervously sat by the phone until the veterinarian called. She informed me Chula had feline infectious peritonitis. I was very confused, questions and fear started consuming me. I asked is she going to get better? What does she need? Unfortunately, the doctor told me she had a virus that was fatal, and incurable. She would begin to worsen and possibly die in a few weeks.
My heart broke into many pieces, and I burst into tears. My heart was crippled with pain, and I felt like I was dying. I glanced over at Chula’s beautiful face and she looked at me with loving eyes, despite all her pain she put a brave face on. I felt so weak and powerless. I didn’t know where I would get the strength to get through this, but I knew I couldn’t let her suffer. I made the difficult choice of putting her down. Her last breath was in my arms, and that day a piece of me died.
I may not understand yet why she had to go so soon, but this I do believe, everything happens for a reason. If I would not have lost my job, I wouldn’t have been able to spend her last few days by her side. Things will never be the same for her brother and me, but I still think about her every day and miss her with all my heart. It gives me comfort knowing she’s in a better place, free of pain and suffering. I will never forget how she got me through one of the most challenging times in my life and although she is no longer here, her love is always with me in my heart.