The long twisting roads threw me around in the back seat causing me to bump elbows with my cousin Relate, who unlike me maintained his position in his seat. It did not help that my uncle drove like a MASCARA driver cutting off cars left and right trying to get to his destination on time. Looking out the window, I could see that the car was slowing down as my uncle slammed on the break in attempt to park the car. As I opened the door my nerves froze as I stared with an open mouth at the crowd of churchgoers making their way inside the church.
After making my way through the parking lot I finally approached the wide dark wooden doors. The massive size of the doors was intimidating enough o make me start sweating right on the spot. I didn’t even want to know what out of dimension world was lurking just behind the doors. Everyone has an awkward moment in their lives where they feel out of place and distant from everyone else. The new surrounding was nerve-wracking, as I did not know anyone there, I felt like an outsider. When entered through the giant doors there was an enormous social hall.
There were more than two hundred people; all invested in their conversation as they walked their way into the prayer hall. There were only five minutes left until the prayers were to start. My cousin and I made our way wrought the crowd, and finally entered the prayer hall. The prayer hall was dimly light giving it a peaceful vibe however there was no peaceful nerve present within me. When I sat on the carpet floor next to my cousin there was a feeling of discomposure that came over me.
In my state of mind I was confused and alert at the same time, there were hundreds of thoughts rushing through my head. I was so deep into my own thought process that I did not even realize the prayer already started. I was lost within myself resulting in my inability to keep up with the prayers. I began to feel the eyes of the people next to me; their cold stares Ft me feeling uncomfortable and uneasy. Overwhelmed with the situation, I stood up and left the premises. Leaving the prayer hall, I realized what a big mistake I had made.
I just earned my self the unwanted attention that I was trying to avoid. The feeling could not be any worse; there was a thunderstorm of mix emotions inside me. After I left, the prayers ended shortly. People started coming out, and gathering in the social hall forming small circles of every age group. The noise level slowly increased, it got so loud to where I could hardly hear my own thoughts. It reminded me of the street bazaars in Pakistan. In the middle of all the chaos I completely forgot about my cousin.
As if I was not already panicking I started looking all over the crowd in distress to find my cousin, but he was nowhere to be found. Searching for my cousin was like finding a needle in a haystack. Eventually after endless searching my cousin finally found me. He was standing in a corner with his group of friends. He asked me if I was okay, as he was confused about the whole ordeal back in the prayer hall where abruptly stormed out. He did not ask me many questions after noticing my terrified face as it said it all. In an attempt to switch the focus to something else, my cousin introduced me to all his friends.
We stood there for thirty minutes or so but those thirty minutes did not help me relax at all it actually made me more tensed. His friends asked me all kinds of questions even some personal ones. Felt like I was being interrogated. One of the things I was worried about was making friends, since opening up to people is not something that came quick to me. After exchanging some stories with my cousin’s friends they started to open up to me. We all started laughing and joked around and amongst all the laughter, Egan to open up.
At that moment something came over me and made me feel like I was at home. That night before going to bed I thought about the whole day and how I over thought everything. I learned that in certain situations, especially in environments where I was new to, I should be calmer and worry less about what people think about me. Conversing with new people, and not shut them out actually helps relieve the tension that exists in awkward situations. I realized that meeting new people and making new friends helps boost my self-confidence and makes me a better person overall.
