My aunt Megan has always been one of my best friends. Being only twelve when I was born, we’ve had a really close relationship my entire life. To me, she doesn’t seem like she’s my aunt; she’s more of a sister figure. Every twist and turn in each other’s lives, we have always been there for one another, no matter what. We have grown especially close since I’ve gotten older and become a teenager. I’ve been there for her through her divorce, break-ups, family issues, and even when she had an eating disorder, although I do not remember it for myself.
I was only four years old when Megan developed her anorexia, but she tells me I was a major part in her want to get better and become healthy. It’s a miracle that she has got through this disorder, considering some people fall victim to the extreme effects of the disorder for the rest of their lives. Even though Megan’s eating disorder ended over ten years ago, she still faces physical challenges today from the intense conditions she had put her body through. Megan had initially started to lose weight because she didn’t like being overweight.
She knew she was chubby, and she didn’t want to be. She weighed 190 pounds as a sophomore in high school. Especially being a teenage girl, there were many factors that pressured her to lose weight, like experiencing a lot of ridicule from other people. She was known as ‘the fat girl’. She felt out of place around her friends when they got attention from guys and she didn’t. Megan wanted that same attention. When her friends went swimming, she would always sit out because she didn’t want anyone to see her in a swim suit. She was very insecure about her body image.
Megan’s overall reason that she lost weight all began with other people. Another reason a lot of girls and women fall into this disorder is from stress and other challenges at home. At fifteen, Megan is slowly coming out of her childhood innocence and realizing the bigger, scarier picture of life. She sees that life isn’t all pretty like she may have originally thought. This plus being overweight can send someone into depression, which people deal with very differently. She wanted to control something in her life. That’s when she decided to start losing weight.
Initially, she took diet pills and watched what she ate, along with intense exercise. Once she started losing the weight, family, classmates, and teachers complimented on how good she looked. They were excited and happy for her, and Megan loved this positive feedback. This only pushed her more; it was like a challenge. “How much weight can I lose? ” Long after she had lost enough weight to be considered healthy, it became an obsession to her and soon got out of control. That’s when the anorexia started. Megan began to drastically restrict her calorie intake to only 750 calories a day.
She watched everything she ate. At meals, she would either not eat at all, saying she wasn’t hungry or just not eat at all. Every time she ate something, she felt an intense urge to exercise immediately. After eating anything, even something as simple as one carrot, Megan would retrieve to the bathroom and do jumping jacks or any form of exercise. On a trip to the Columbus Zoo with her grandparents, Megan took numerous bathroom trips so she could do her exercises, yet they didn’t find it odd that she was using the restroom so many times.
Megan’s peers didn’t start noticing her problem until it was obvious she was getting too thin. Ironically, even though food, in this situation, was her worst enemy, she tells me how it was also her best friend. She was obsessed with food, looking through cook books and at recipes. She would count every calorie. Megan soon became obsessed with the control she had. She was the one that decided what could be in her body and no one else. Perhaps she enjoyed and craved this control so much because she felt she couldn’t control other things in her life. And that’s what it was.
With a dad that was a drug addict, growing up in that kind of environment would be difficult for anyone, and this was how Megan dealt with it. Soon, though, she started to receive different feedback from others once they noticed she was becoming too thin. Instead of being called ‘the fat girl’, Megan was then known as ‘the anorexic girl’. Classmates would talk about it behind her back, but some people even confronted her about it. The weight loss was no longer about getting that attention she wanted from boys; it was for her own satisfaction of control. She started losing friends.
The eating disorder was all she thought about, and it was completely taking her over. When one of her friends asked her to hang out, she didn’t want to go anywhere. She was living as a slave to her own body. She stopped having periods, which caused bone density loss, and her hair started to fall out. Megan became easily irritated and was very moody. She didn’t look herself at all. By the end of her sophomore year, she weighed just 113 pounds, dropping almost 80 pounds from the beginning of the school year. Megan realized she didn’t want to live like this, so she got help.
She knew what she was doing was wrong, and if she let it go too far, it could potentially become fatal. At the family doctor, they did tests to make sure there were no underlying causes to her weight loss, and when they found none, they diagnosed her with anorexia. Two times a week, Megan drove up to Lima Memorial for therapy with a dietitian and a counselor. This lasted for a year, but they soon got her back to a healthy weight. It’s difficult, like any addiction, to just stop, to go from barely eating and watching everything she put in her body, to eating more and not worrying about it.
Part of it will always be with her. When Megan had the disorder, I was only four, so I don’t remember it for myself, but I can still see its affects even today. She still has body image issues and still worries about her weight. I can see it in her that she has a very low self esteem. When we shop for clothes together, she can never be satisfied with how they look on her when we go to try them on. Today, Megan’s at a completely healthy weight, yet still she always pulls up her shirt and makes us look at her stomach, telling us how fat she thinks it is. She feels guilty about eating certain things or if she gains weight.
There are also several health issues that resulted from the conditions that Megan’s body went through. She has arthritis and low bone density. Even during the summer time, Megan finds herself getting cold easily, this resulting from the low bone density. In the winter time, you will always find her with her coat on. Even if we are inside with the heat on, Megan leaves it on. She still faces challenges today, and probably will for the rest of her life. It is one thing to lose weight to be healthy, but it is quite another to have an eating disorder. Anorexia, in simple terms, is just a slow form of suicide.
Megan was slowing starving herself to death. It’s a sad realization when one can see how society makes one look up to other people’s standards, and how far someone can fall to try to reach them. The ridicule of being overweight and the feeling of having no control over her life is really what caused Megan to fall into the disease. Over ten years later, she still faces challenges from the conditions her body went through. Because she has gone through this, now Megan can step up and help others who feel this way. I truly believe Megan is a stronger person today because of it, and it has helped to make her who she is today.
