I have been studying Comparative Ethnic Studies here at Washington State University going on 3 years, I have been in numerous classes, read chapter after chapter of texts, and have been an active student in those classes from day two. I say day two because I know that I am the type of student who, in a classroom setting, will not speak up unless 1) I am 1000% positive that what I have to say will add and give something to the lecture or 2) I have an idea of the instructors view of me as a student. Yes, I know that shouldn’t matter, but to me it does. I have always been the type of person who needs that positive reinforcement, somewhat of encouragement or a belief in my abilities to feel confident in those abilities. I am a bright person who has a lot to contribute to the class, but this semester, I lacked that confidence. Whenever I would read the assigned readings I would take notes in my books, jot down questions, and make sure that I fully understood the material before going to class. I was always prepared for lectures but I rarely raised my hand. I would just sit back and listen to what everyone was saying. Just because a student is actively participating, I would sit in my seat and actively listen, take notes, and in those 50 minutes I would walk out of class with some of my questions answered, new ideas and lenses to look through the same material with. I have always been a listener, it is one of my strengths as a student, but in a class such as this where participation is vital, I understand where that could be a strength and a weakness. I know my strengths but my weaknesses as a student tend to top that. I cared a lot at the beginning of the year about how the instructor felt about my abilities as a student; I felt that he thought I wasn’t smart and that bothered me. Not that I need people to think that I’m some overt genius, but still…I need that reassurance. I know now after meeting with instructor a few times and addressing this that I shouldn’t have let that get in the way, I should have just been confident in myself. The problem with my logic, how can people to see what I have to offer if I am not participating, if I’m not actively sharing my ideas and my interpretations and expect the instructor and class to know that I know what I’m talking about. That was my flaw, that lack of confidence and my getting into my own head is what did it.
Over the semester I participated more, spoke out, because I knew I had a lot to offer the class. When I did talk, I truly believe that I gave good information that benefited that class, and that the caliber of my contributions were high, just not frequent. My biggest obstacle was myself, and I slowly overcame that obstacle a little too late, the semester is nearly over. When it comes to how many points I think I should have, I genuinely don’t have an answer. According to your participation grading system, I was there, not dead…I was involved and engaged, and I was prepared. I know I lost participation for talking, which I understand.
Although the talking was always about the text and it would be a short blurb to share, I should have shared that with the class instead. I don’t have an exact number but I trust the instructor judgment of my participation because I know I struggled this year with speaking up. What’s important to me now at least, since this is a self-assessment/reflection, I gained that confidence and broke out of that shell! Better late than never I always say, but looking back, I know I have grown as a student and overcame those obstacles that I faced during the course of this semester.
