Emerging Contemporary Trend It is known and well researched that parents are pivotal in the role that they play in their children’s lives where their success is concerned. Books and research on parenting has shown that the love and nurturing that parents provide their children from birth, helps them to grow up confident and as a result they become achievers and are successful in their careers. Dobson (2001) states that the greatest challenge especially for nurturing boys is just keeping them alive through childhood and adolescence.
That is the true goal of good parenting; to nurture children who are able to live on their own and become successful in their chosen careers and in their lives. Mother and son relationships have been considered special throughout history. There is however, a noticeable number of stories in Kenya where sons of successful fathers are unable to follow in their father’s footsteps and in many instances, wind up complete failures, despite the high levels of education and strict but guided upbringing done by their mothers.
This paper seeks to develop a theory that explains this phenomenon. Development of a Communication Theory The development of a communication theory revolves around the communication pattern that is happening between the parents and the son at a crucial time in the young man’s life. The father’s communication, or lack of it, spells out disappointment in the young man, but it is done in the hope that he will understand what is expected of him. Only when he becomes successful does the father begin to engage with his son.
It is at this fulcrum point that the young man emerges and goes on to be successful, or a fails to take off. The mother’s communicative role at this point is also crucial. The ideal situation would be that the mother gives her son the needed space to sort out his issue on his own, and advise the father on how to successfully manage the issue. The young man may rebel as a result, as there is no one on his side. He should come out of this self-destructive path by stumbling upon the realisation that the only way they can make it in the world is if they can do it themselves.
The anger and bitter feelings are now channeled into being successful as he learns to trust himself that he does not need approval. Where failure is the result of the young man following this stage, seems to stem from the mother’s lack of emotional intelligence as her maternal instincts take over. Her intended communication with the young man during this phase can have the wrong intended effect. She communicates protection and encouragement which provides comfort. What he in turn gets out of it is psychological dependence as he finds an ally against his father who may be seen to be overbearing or cruel.
The theory will develop around how the mother reacts at this point in time; it is the deciding factor. The Theory of Emotional Ineptitude The theory relates to the mother’s lack of emotional intelligence, where she lets her emotions get in the way of reasoning and as maternal instinct would have it, interferes in the natural progression of a boy becoming a responsible adult. Instead of a learning curve or phase that the boy must go through, his mother sees that her son is suffering under his father’s cruelty. She takes him in and tries to shield him from what he is going through.
Her maternal instinct is not to guide the boy to listen to his father or to concentrate on correcting his mistakes. She instead misleads him by providing that emotional support for her baby boy. A form of psychological dependence of the boy on her develops, which he finds solace in, but at the same time detest as he feels he is not his own man. The young man reverts back to the Margaret Mahler’s Separation-Individuation phase theory where as an infant, the boy breaks out of his autistic shell. Before this, he and his mother are the same according to his conscience.
The mother becomes the psychological drug that the boy is completely hooked on and cannot move on with his life, he loves her and despises her at the same time. It is Oedipus complex all over again, but this time, in adulthood. This is the Emotional Ineptitude theory, which is the opposite of Emotional Intelligence. Critique The theory of Emotional Ineptitude as a theory has its strengths and weaknesses. For one, there are many areas that can be proved or disproved. For example, the theory may not be able to be carried across all family set-ups and lacks appropriateness.
It however can be seen true to African societies who strongly believe in how a man or a boy should be brought up, where the boy should not be allowed to communicate or show emotion. This Oedipus-like syndrome can be seen clearly in the ongoing problem in the United States where African American boys raised by single mothers find it almost impossible to move out of the “crib” as they have a strong psychological addiction to their mother. The theory can also be applied across different disciplines. The communication theory has a strong tie in with psychological discipline.
One can see how communication can be interpreted psychologically and can deliver certain reactions as a result. The discipline of sociology can also be tied into this theory, where one can measure the strength of the theory by how the family background or social environment may affect or influence. It definitely relates to several other disciplines. It is however not simple to explain. It tries to explain the result of over-loving, over-emotional mothers. It does however contribute to an a-ha moment for many men that I have discussed with several male colleagues.
In as far as how valid the theory may be, we can consider several other strong factors that could also lead to the failure of the young adult man. The theory therefore may not be entirely valid. This however give the theory openness, as it is also not definite and can allow for more in-depth research, as the rise of issues such as sexual confusion may relate to this scenario and the debate is still on whether homosexuality is genetic or learned. The emotional ineptitude theory if applied early on in a boy’s life may lead to homosexuality.
In conclusion, the theory enforces the feminist Naomi Lewinsky who stated that “We shouldn’t need our children. We shouldn’t merge with them except when they are infants. We shouldn’t let our messy feelings leak all over our children’s development. We should raise them to become separate individuals. ”
References
Brodie, R. (n. d. ). Child Development Media, Inc. Retrieved March 31st , 2012, from Margaret Mahler and the separation-individuation theory: www. childdevelopmentmedia. com/margaret-mahler-and-the-separation-individuation-theory. html Dobson, J. C. (2001). Bringing up boys. Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers Inc.
