Women have been getting a good dose of it. Be it on the streets, in malls, colleges and even in offices, eve teasing has been around ever since Adam woke up from his slumber to discover a missing rib! Wolf-whistling, name-calling, sometimes even bottom-pinching, Eves have gone through hell. But have they ever given it back? | ‘Adam teasing’, say city girls, is relatively unknown. They prefer not to be a nuisance! “I’ve not seen much of it,” says VJ Sophiya, who grew up in London.
“Maybe on a girls’ night out, but on the whole, women prefer to get attention rather than give it. Model Mahek Chahal shares the view, just like Yana Gupta, Preeti Jhangiani and Shweta Menon. “When I’ve been with friends, I’ve indulged in Adam teasing,” offers Mahek, who grew up in Norway. “If men are doing it, why shouldn’t women? But it shouldn’t be torturous, the way guys do it. ” Says actress Shweta Menon, “When women get together, they become strong and they sometimes indulge in Adam teasing. But I think eveteasing happens far more. ” Adam Teasing is wen girls tease boys sexaully by attarcting boyz toward themselve,,,,,and by commenting as we guys do for Girls,,,, …
The concept Adam teasing is the counterpart to the concept of Eve teasing. In Adam teasing either an individually or a group of girls/females … “Dad, I will not go to college” Amit said, tears rolling down his pimply cheeks. Shashank knew, there is a problem, and it is bigger then what it appears. Amit, his 18 year old boy, just completed high school from the conservative all boys school renowned for inculcating values and discipline in boys and protecting them from female influence, abuse or interaction of any kind uring the tender formative age.
Unfortunately, Shashank had to join Amit in a co-education college after school because there were no all boys’ colleges in the town. It is Amit’s second week in college and he, amidst sobs, declared that he will not go to college. Amit had a peaceful life in all boys school, totally oblivious of the big bad world outside, where women exploit men, from the day they are born. Situation has worsened so much that some times, women don’t even let the male baby come into the world.
They terminate pregnancy once they know through pre-natal diagnostic tests that it is a male baby. Though many Men’s Organizations and forums protest that sex determination is an extreme form of violence against men, it’s effect has been very little. This agitation is strongly countered by the intellectuals by the argument that they are saving the would-be fathers from social and family disgrace and torture and saving the would-be male child from the atrocities they would face after birth.
This practice of male foeticide is rampant in those parts of the country where parents need to pay hefty dowry to get their boys married and settled in domesticity. To add to the agony, all over the world, harassment of men has become rampant, be it at home or at workplace. Questions are raised about a man’s safety while commuting at night or day, without female company. Men who fear the harassment at workplace and stay back at homes are treated no better. They are the victims of domestic violence in the hands of their in-laws and wife. Most of the victims are harassed or burnt for dowry.
They are made responsible for the misery of procreating male children. Some statisticians project that, every third minute, there occurs a case of abuse of men and every second househusband is a victim of dowry related violence. The miseries faced by men are innumerable. To mention a few, they are physically and mentally abused for being unable to bear a female child, for not able to attend to domestic chores, for dressing provocatively in public, especially, when they wear open buttoned or transparent shirts, sleeveless T-shirts or shorts.
Men who wear anything other than dhoti-kurta, full sleeved shirt and pants are viewed as rebellious or of loose morals. A psychology researcher has recently identified that this violent behavior of women against men stems from the process of evolution and understanding of ‘feminity’ by women. More research is underway to understand the reasons and finding solutions to this problem. Equally disturbing is the finding that men in abusive relationship remain silent about their suffering because of shame and family honor.
The studies have also shown, nearly one-third of the men experiencing abuse had thought about running away from homes, but most said they feared leaving their young male children at the mercy of the females, and had no safe place to go, as there are women everywhere. More so, their fathers felt it is a disgrace to the family if a boy returns to parental home after marriage. This being the larger picture, Shashank is now more worried about his own son. He cannot afford to let him stay home, as it is almost impossible to get an uneducated middle-class boy married into a decent family.
He is struggling hard to save each rupee for his son’s marriage and education, from whatever his abusive and drunkard wife gives him to run the house. If Amit leaves his studies like this, his wife will not spare him. As such, he is facing the disgrace of bearing only one child, and that too a boy. He heard from his grandfather, that many generations ago, women were mostly housewives. They were treated abusively by men and surprisingly, they used to pay dowry to the grooms family to get a girl married off. All this sounds as a myth to Shashank. Can there be a world where these meager mortals called ‘men’ can abuse the mighty ‘women’?
Shashank tried to calm down Amit. Gave Amit a cup of hot milk and sat down with him to discuss the problem. Amit cried to his heart’s content and between sobs, poured down the agony he is facing in college with the girls. They ragged him, misbehaved with him, and some are even trying to physically abuse him when he is alone. Today, a girl winked at him and pinched his thigh when he was alone in the library, studying. The other day, a girl whistled at him and passed a lewd comment. Some girl has deliberately dropped her book and asked Amit to lift it.
He felt too embarrassed to share with his father, the exact comment that girl made about his vital stats, while taking back the book and fondling his hand softly while doing so. He knew, his father would be shocked. At least in his father’s times, adam teasing was restricted to whistling and following boys on their way to colleges and in streets. When Amit shared this with his best friend, he advised Amit to gulp down the insult, ignore it, and carry on with life, rather than making himself an object of ridicule. Because, it is very normal and natural for women to abuse men and he is no exception.
Shashank thought for a long time. He had many things on his mind. First is, to convince his boy to go back to college and complete his graduation. Secondly, he was worried about the disastrous consequences, if his wife comes to know about this. He looked at Amit dotingly. It is the same Amit whom he had saved in the womb of his wife by speaking against her decision to terminate the baby. He cried, stopped eating food and refused to speak to his wife, till she changed her decision. In a way, Shashank’s wife was also happy with the decision to retain the baby because, after Amit, they could not have any more children.
After initial years of marriage, shashank’s wife drifted to heavy boozing and she mostly returned home late in the night, barely conscious. Rarely, when in good mood, she doted her son. She encouraged him to always wear traditional clothes, maintain modesty while women are around and never make eye contact, study well, and learn household chores from his father. She believed, Amit will complete his graduation with good marks and she will find a good job for him, may be as a teacher in all boys school, then find him a nice bride who will not ask for dowry more than her resources.
It will be disastrous if she comes to know about Amit’s reluctance to go to college. Shashank thought, he has to manage the problem like a good househusband, before the matter comes to notice of his wife. Shashank’s face lit up suddenly. He grabbed the phone and called his best friend Kumar, who stays two streets away, and asked him to come down to his place immediately. Shashank promised Kumar that he will not take long, and he can leave before Kumar’s wife is back from office. It was four in the evening.
Kumar’s wife Nishita generally comes home by six, after which she does not let Kumar go out. She preferred a househusband to a working husband. She wants her husband to be home when she is back, looking fresh and dressed nicely, with a cup of hot tea and snacks in his hand. Any change in this routine would upset her immensely. That is the reason why Kumar is sent to his Father’s place only on rare occasions like marriages or other big family events. Last time he was sent to his parent’s house was for his younger brother’s marriage, about three years ago.
Kumar came in a hurry, but did not forget to get a few samosas he made for his wife for teatime. Shashank kept two samosas away for his wife in faint hope that she might come home straight from office. Over a cup of tea, Kumar and Shashank discussed the problem Amit is facing. While they expressed grief and helplessness over the atrocities against men and the indifferent attitude of Government, they also chalked out a plan to rescue Amit from the situation. Kumar’s elder daughter Devangi is in Amit’s college in her final year. Devangi is the notorious bully in the college.
She is a terror to boys in general and fresher boys would simply hide under the benches to avoid her attention. She maintained a gang of girl rowdies and these side kicks emulated Devangi as a heroine. There were rumors that Devangi molested at least half a dozen boys, and they have either changed their college or simply left their studies. No body dared to file a complaint against her. Off and on, Kumar comes to know about the escapades of his daughter but he feels helpless before his overpowering wife who thinks Devangi is just living life as a woman should do.
The plan chalked out by Kumar and Shashank was simple but risky. It all depended on Devangi. They decided to take Devangi into confidence and explain the problem to her. Then, Shashank will request her to protect Amit from the girls in college. They immediately called Devangi and requested her to come to Shashank’s home. She was surprised to hear her father on phone, as he rarely dares to call her on her mobile. She initially refused to come as she is watching a movie with her friends. But when Kumar mentioned that the matter is about Amit, she softened and came to discuss.
Rather, the reason was that she wanted to see this cutie Amit, whom her friends were going ga ga about. After giving a patient hearing to Shashank and Kumar about Amit’s problem, she agreed to protect Amit, but on the condition that she must be allowed to meet and talk to Amit personally right now. Shashank was at a loss at the mention of personal meeting of Devangi with Amit. But Kumar assured Shashank that it is OK, and moreover, it is necessary for her to know from Amit, who exactly are creating problem for him in college.
Shashank and Kumar sighed in relief that the problem is solved, and again got into discussing Adam teasing and the bad state of affairs for men in this country. While they drifted to discuss whether provocative dressing by men is a cause for sexual harassment of men or is it that excess financial independence to men which is causing all the havoc, Devangi, stood up to meet Amit. Amit was listening to the whole discussion from the adjacent room. His heart almost exploded at the mention of meeting Devangi personally. He heard spine-chilling stories about Devangi from other boys.
He ran to the terrace and tried to control his breath, while Devangi slowly found her way to terrace, to meet Amit. Devangi looked at Amit. Hair neatly combed with a side parting, kurta buttoned till neck, pyjama crisp white and pressed, white vest under white kurta (not those revolting colored baniyans some boys wear below the transparant white shirts, just to gain attention), toe making random circles on floor, hands gripping the railing tightly, head bowed down. She could feel that he is blushing immensely. For a quick moment, Amit lifted his eyes to see Devangi.
That was it! Devangi got bowled over by the pretty and innocent face of Amit. Devangi thought, really, what a gem this boy is. How stupid she is to miss him all these years? She immediately made her mind that she will protect Amit from all other bad girls. Amit will be all hers and only hers from now on……. Poor Amit, it was quite late when he realized that he jumped from the fry pan into the oven. Meanwhile, state of affairs for men remained the same and men’s organizations were trying hard to find reasons and solutions to this problem.
