In the United States, the rate of divorce cases is rising day by day. Rough estimates show that around 50% of the marriages are ending up in divorce (National center for health statistics, 2006). This only shows that divorce is not something to be neglected and ignored. It is an important issue that should be tackled and addressed properly. Every family should work really hard in order maintain the love, care and concern on every member of the family.
Adults are not the only ones affected by their divorce. Most of the time, the children suffer more than their parents. Divorce is a matter not just between husbands and wives Divorce is surely a difficult and stressful process for everyone that is involved especially the husband, wife and children’s (About divorce.org ). From the Journal of Marriage and the Family, “Results show that divorced single parent families are associated with reduced solidarity between parents and children. Custodial mother’s remarriages are associated with more parent-child solidarity than single mother families, but the remarriages of custodial fathers are associated with lower solidarity. Siblings solidarity is not significantly affected by childhood family structure” ( p. 935). A divorce will mean that you must think how, where and with whom you are going to live. It is not an easy process. It will change your life and turn it up side down. Divorce causes nothing but pain, suffering and grief especially to the children.
A woman becomes a mother when she had given birth to a child, b ut being a mother does not just mean giving birth to a child. Being a mother does not end there, as a matter of fact, it is only the beginning of the long journey of achieving the true meaning an essence of being a mother. It is easier to be a mother than to act like and be one. Being a mother is not just a matter of physical aspects but most importantly the emotional one. A mother’s typical role is to raise the child and take care of the family. It is the mother’s duty to provide the child emotional needs. It is her that the child needs most of the time.
A mother is not just any other person for a mother is chosen to deliver her child in spite of the hardship and the pain she has to carry when the time of giving birth came upon her. No one can do the things that our biological mothers had done for us. Before we became human we are first carried by our mother into her own womb. Imagine that nine months of carrying a baby into your womb. The nine months of pain of having weight that she must bring everyday, the nine months that she must be careful in everything that she do even with just the food that she eats, how great is thy mother. But I believe that for them it’s not a burden, it’s a blessing that she must be thankful with. I believe also that there is no joy greater for a woman than the joy of having a baby and to be soon called a mother for you will never be called a mother unless you had given birth to your own child. Being a mother is a gift and a big assignment. And big assignment requires big character and a lot of responsibilities. We will be given a responsibility in proportion to the size of our character and ability. So you must be thankful if a chance of having a baby came upon your way. It only proves that you were given this task because you have the ability to perform it well and you are trusted to perform this duty as well.
Being a good mother is not simple. It is consist of many responsibilities. To be a responsible mother you must carry good characteristic. It requires love, patience, gentleness, and flexibility. Being flexible is very important because you are supposed to carry a big responsibility. You must let your child feel your love and comfort, and you must show your baby that you are happy in doing this delightful duty. Maybe your baby will not appreciate it that time but surely he can feel and understand. “Big assignments require big character. If you can’t perform your responsibility to your child then you don’t have the right to be called a real mother”. Good mothers wanted to and raise her child the way she feels right. She will take whatever time is necessary to teach them, to develop their character and as a positive well being.
There is nothing that can be compared to the sacrifices, time, strength they offered. They deserve our full respect. Because they are our mother and this is the right way to treat them. Because of them we are here in this world and experiencing the fullness of life. Most of the children developed much stronger relationship with their mother. It is because we are developed, formed and came from their own womb. We had been carried for a long time. We had grown and matured with the care of our mother. The teachings we have learned, the advices we have carried, the stories we have heard, love we believe and the good future we are hoping and reaching for we all came from her influence and from her love. Everyday of our growing days and years she was there that’s why we developed strong relationship with our mother, for there is no one that can take the place of our dear mother. How great is thy felling of having a mother, a shoulder to cry on, and the one you can lean on. But there is no greater joy than the joy of a mother who had given birth to the flesh of her flesh and to the blood of her blood. And when she hears his first word “mom”, surely it is great joy that fills her heart. I believe that being a mother is so meaningful. But can a female be a mother to a child if she is not the one that gives birth to the child? Can a stepmother be a mother to a child? A stepmother is the second wife of a father. She is the one that takes the responsibility of being a mother to a child in the absence of his/her biological mother. In the case of having a stepmother, who should be considered the mother of the child, the one who gives birth or the one who raise the child? Can a stepmother replace a child’s real mother? In this case who should decide on whom to be considered as the real mother? Should we let the society or the child to decide on whom to be considered as his/her mother, the biological mother or the stepmother?
Stepmom, a movie directed by Chris Columbus is about family and divorce. It is about a mother that is being replaced as a mother to her own two children by her former husband’s new woman. Starring a beautiful fashion photographer, Isabel, played by Julia Roberts who lives with Luke, played by Ed Harris, a divorced man with two children from her former wife; Anna, by Jena Malone and Ben played by Liam Aiken. Susan Sarandon plays the role of Jackie, Luke’s ex-wife and the mother of Anna and Ben. Although Jackie gained the custody of the kids, Luke gets weekend custody. The task of getting the kids ready for school when it is time for them to be with father falls on Isabel’s shoulder since Luke is always away at work. Isabel is not the nurturing type and is hate by Jackie whom thought her kids to do the same as well. Now the kids are faced with two different parenting attitudes. Jackie being the over protective type because her world revolves around her children while Isabel’s has revolved around her career and not wanting children.
Life gets tougher for Jackie when she finds out that she has cancer. Now she is faced with several medical test and chemotherapy. Because of her condition, she thinks of what would happen to her kids being left with Isabel especially that Luke had proposed marriage to her. As time passes, Isabel gained the confidence of Anna. Now Jackie sees the result of her actions toward Isabel. The kids are being confused and are filled with heartfelt questions about dying and the meaning of love in which Luke and Jackie gives answers without any religious basis. Both Anna and Ben express their anger and frustration over the family break up with insults and lost of temper. Because of the effects of their situation to the kids, Jackie must learn to accept Isabel as a part of her and her family’s world. This movie ensures part parenting and part competitive parenting lessons and is surely for family bonding. Stepmom is funny but is also dramatic so you’d better be prepared to shed some tears. Though the topic is for adults, it is certainly for the family.
Various persons and relationships within and outside the immediate family will surely be affected by divorce. The stepparent’s role is an important role that affects the adjustments and relationships of the members of the newly formed family. But it would not be easy for a step mother to gain the respect of the children and to act like their real mother. It would be even harder for her to get closer to the kids especially when their real mother does not like her. It would seem like there is nothing to believe in her and that the children should not listen to anything that she might say. It will be too hard for her to catch the sympathy and trust of the kids. On the other hand, the father is also in a difficult position because he cannot force his children to accept their new mother and he can’t just leave his new wife. He is in a dilemma. He cannot please both his children and his new wife at the same time. Either he pleases one and displeases the other. It would be hard for all the members of the family.
The feeling of being replaced as the parent to your child is like taking a part of yourself. As a mother, your child is a part of your body and taking your parenthood on the child will actually cause grief and pain. It is as if something is loss, a part of your body. Your child is a part of you and your personality. Being a mother is different from being a wife. It is a different level. As a wife, it is your duty and obligation to serve and share your life with your husband. As a mother many things are added. You are to serve also and share you life, time, energy and everything you have to your children. It is something that only a true mother can do and give. Not everyone can take the place of a mother. A mother is someone truly especial and irreplaceable.
In the movie Stepmom, Jackie undermined Isabel because of her notion that she would replace her as the mother to Anna and Ben. She is afraid that if she shows and teach her child to like Isabel, the kids will eventually like Isabel more than her. Being a mother, it is important that you are the first person in the life of your children. Also for a mother, the most important thing is the sake of your children. This is reason why Jackie must accept Isabel as a member of the family knowing that she has cancer, it will be better for the kids to have someone that will take care of them and will love them the way that she does even though it means that she will never be with them. Being a mother takes a lot of responsibilities and a lot sacrifices. These sacrifices started even before you know it, even before you were born.
As a mother, your child is everything to you and taking your parenthood on the child will actually cause tremendous heartache. A mother is not a mother without a child. And all good mothers’ wants to be recognized, both by the family and the society, as the real mother of her own child. For her, there should be no one that can replace her as the mother to her child.
The family is the basic institution that enables a child to grow and create his or her well being. It is the very first institution that teaches a child the things that he or she should know about the world: the things he or she ought to and ought not to do. It is here that he or she develops his or her attitudes and views about life. Because of this great impact of the family to every human being, it is appropriate enough to develop this main institution. We should work hard in order to maintain a good and well bonded family members.
Divorce is something that destroys millions of families worldwide, and is something that every parent should avoid. But what if keeping the relationship will only make things worst for both the husband and the wife, should we not consider divorce? Is there any other way in making the relationship work? When should divorce be the option?
It is said that, “What God binds together, let man not separate”. Because of this reason it is important to be sure of marriage. It is not something that we can quit when we are tired. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and we should not let this commitment fail. Any sacrifice made for the benefit of the family is something really of great value and importance. Divorce should be considered only if you feel no love and concern for your partner and for the whole family. Divorce is also not something that is between the husband and the wife only. It should be decided by all the persons concerned. It is a family matter and therefore it is the family’s duty to decide on whether there is a need for divorce or if there could be another way.
References:
White, W..(1994). Journal of Marriage and the Family. Retrieved August 12,2007 from
http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=00222445%28199411%2956%3A4%3C935%3AGUWSPA%3E2.0.CO%3B2-N&size=LARGE&origin=JSTOR-enlargePag
About divorce.org..(No date).About divorce. Retrieved August 12,2007 from http://www.aboutdivorce.org/index.html
National center for health statistics.(2006). Marriage and divorce. Retrieved August 12,2007
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm
Moviefone.(2007). Stepmom. Retrieved August 12, 2007 from
http://movies.aol.com/movie/stepmom/4952/main
