“Ordinary people” everywhere are faced day after day with the ever so common tragedy of losing a loved one. As we all know death is inevitable. We live with this harsh reality in the back of our mind’s eye. Only when we are shoved in the depths of despair can we truly understand the multitude of emotions brought forth. Although people may try to be empathetic, no one can truly grasp the rawness felt inside of a shattered heart until death has knocked at their door. We live in an environment where death is invisible and denied, yet we have become desensitized to it.
These inconsistencies appear in the extent to which families are personally affected by death—whether they define loss as happening to “one of us” or to “one of them. ” Death is a crisis that all families encounter, and it is recognized as the most stressful life event families face, although most do not need counseling to cope. The movie “Ordinary People” shows the turmoil of the Jarrett family caused by the loss of their beloved son and big brother, Buck. This movie depicts what might happen to an upper class family when tragedy strikes unexpectedly, and order is turned into chaos.
Everyone must, however, continue to upkeep a mask of normalcy for society and for each other. The film sheds light into a family, due to a tragedy, that have turned into separate individuals inhabiting the same house, unable to communicate their grief effectively. It realistically looks into misplaced guilt at every level. The family’s inability to work together through these tragedies leads them down a path where they are each consumed by inner guilt, and ultimately the breakdown of the Jarrett family ensues.
The family survivors include the cold-hearted socialite mother Beth, the passive father Calvin, and the guilt-ridden teenaged son Conrad who returns home after a four-month stay in a mental hospital where he was sent after slitting his wrists. As the film progresses, it becomes clear that this is a family with emotional problems. As we are introduced to the Jarretts in the film, it becomes quite obvious that Conrad is exhibiting signs of survivor guilt and Post dramatic Stress Disorder. He appears lost in his own thoughts in school, has trouble sleeping, and is withdrawn from people.
A return to normalcy, school and home-life, appear to be more than Conrad can handle. Beth and Calvin’s relationship has survived one son’s death and the other’s attempted suicide. At least on the surface, the couple appear to have a strong, loving relationship. They are affectionate with one another and have a large circle of friends. Their home and their friends are beautiful. Their life seems perfect. Our first look at the family’s dynamics is at breakfast when Conrad says he wasn’t hungry and Beth immediately takes the food and shoves it down the garbage disposal while making up an excuse to leave the table.
Beth exhibits’ what one must wish is a facade; her cold and brash nature is nearly oblivious to her son’s issues, resulting in a near one-sided self-interest. While her shameless nerve can be interpreted as strong will, one must ask if this is a noble trait, and in the end it is quite the contrary. Beth is guided by self-determination and the fulfillment of her own ego and persona, both in a community viewpoint and self. Persistent flashbacks of the boating accident that lead to Buck drowning and images of his grave, have finally convinced Conrad to take his father’s advice and go see the psychiatrist, Dr.
Berger. Conrad’s main concern is “to be in control so everyone will stop worrying about him. ” He believes that his father is watching his every move, checking for signals. Conrad’s father worries about him more than his mother does. Calvin believes that communication will help heal the wounds, while Beth wants to leave the past behind. In a conversation with psychiatrist Dr. Berger, Conrad is asked who does most of the worrying and he answers “My father, mostly. This is his idea. ” When asked about his mother he says “She’s-I don’t know, she’s not a worrier. Clearly Conrad thinks that his mother doesn’t care about him. Chalk-faced, hair-hacked Conrad seems hell bent on continuing the family myth that all is well in the world. Their initial sessions together frustrate Dr. Berger because of Conrad’s inability to express his feelings. Conrad’s father does most of the worrying because he blames himself for Conrad’s suicide attempt. Though the logical part of Calvin’s brain tells him it wasn’t his fault, he still believes that he should have paid more attention to Conrad.
This is usually the role a mother plays with her son. Calvin is not an ordinary parent. He shows genuine concern and is trying to make things right before his world falls apart. Beth, on the other hand, thinks that Calvin worries too much about Conrad. She is so caught up in trying to maintain her perfect life that she becomes a cold-hearted, superficial shell of a woman. At an opportune time, Conrad tells his parents that he is seeing Dr Berger. Calvin is pleased to hear the news but Beth feels threatened. What if her friends find out?
What an embarrassment! What would her friends think? Beth is so used to covering up and controlling her own feelings that the idea of someone prying into her family life is unbearable to her. We could speculate that perhaps her mother’s mannerisms and personality traits have rubbed off on Beth. Beth’s mother, Ellen, fakes a warm personality, which masks true critical tendencies similar to her daughter. Ellen’s portrays just how vindictive and superficial by nature she really is. Beth’s’ demanding attitude is also a response to Ellen’s personality.
One of the most expressive incidents in the film is when the question of a trip over Christmas to London is brought up. Beth, guided by self-happiness, wants to go on such a trip, while her husband, looking out for Conrad, believes that it would interrupt his progress with Dr. Berger. When Beth’s request was left unfulfilled she coarsely responds,” We already agreed on this,” and “Because I want to go away, it’s important. ” This is a prime example of her strong will; sticking to her beliefs in a trip and not allowing any compromise; exhibiting that her tough nature is not easily shaken.
A great scene that shows Beth crying out inside but still keeping her cool, calm and collected facade is in Buck’s room. Beth is sitting on his bed reminiscing of better days. Through flashbacks we meet Buck – handsome, funny, athletic, and self-confident. Buck’s room is still full of life showing trophies, photographs, various mementos of his success. Beth adored Buck. In a way she lived through Buck, allowing him to be a hellion, even laughing at his bad behavior. The only time we ever saw her truly laughing was during her flashbacks of being with Buck.
In the present, we can imagine and get small glimpses of the enormous pain she is feeling, but not expressing, over the loss of this beloved child. Once again the taboo conversation of Conrad’s mental status arises at a friends’ party. Calvin innocently confides in a friend of the family about how Conrad is coming along in a positive manner. Beth, overhearing the conversation, is mortified by Calvin’s words. Beth’s fantasy world of perfection has just been blown out of the water. Her worst nightmare has come true. She can no longer deny that the pain is still lingering over their heads.
Beth’s reaction is to get angry at Calvin, accusing him of “Drinking too much at parties, “and “Blurting out private family issues. ” After another session with Dr. Berger, Conrad decides to meet up with the one person he can talk to, his friend from the hospital, Karen. Conrad confides in her that he misses the hospital. Karen, who is clearly unstable, shows no interest about the subject. Karen’s denial runs deep. She claims she stopped seeing a psychiatrist because, “She can fix herself. ” She tells Conrad that, “It’s going to be the best year of their lives. Karen wants so desperately to be better that she pretends she is “cured. ” Conrad, who now feels alone in his thoughts about the hospital and his thoughts about his own struggle to get better, is second guessing himself. In one telling scene Beth comes across Conrad alone in the back yard, where she approaches him in an attempt to appeal to him for some sort of normalcy and to express concern and love for her son, whom she doesn’t understand, she is snubbed with a story of how yet again she was an unfair mother not allowing him or his bother a dog.
Conrad, realizing he was overcome by his past resentment toward his mother, goes inside to make it right. Just as he is about to talk the phone rings and the crucial moment they both could have connected is lost. Guilt is once again upon his heart. After Calvin gets some ill advice from his partner on what a waste of time worrying about your children is, Conrad has decided to quit the swim team because he thinks it’s a ” bore”. Conrad’s next session with Dr. Berger leads Conrad to the realization that it takes more energy to hold your anger in than to let it out. Dr. Berger is direct in his therapy.
He confronts, he challenges, and he pushes the limits. Conrad is initially resistant, but eventually begins to appropriately engage in therapy. Berger gets Conrad to openly express the emotions he has been suppressing. Berger tells him, “Little advice about feeling kiddo, don’t expect it to always tickle. ” We see this new expressiveness in Conrad’s daily life now, as well, where anger is no longer so suppressed. For example, the Jarretts go over to Beth’s parent’s house for Christmas and Grandma Ellen is taking pictures while barking orders, like the harsh controlling woman she is.
Calvin asks Beth and Conrad to stand together so he can take a picture of the two of them. As he fumbles with the camera Beth clearly displays no desire to wait for the picture and repeatedly tells Calvin to give her the camera so she can take a picture. Beth wants nothing more than to avoid getting close to Conrad, lacking the ability to show him affection. Conrad sensing the awkwardness too, finally gets fed up with Beth’s attempts to avoid the picture and lets his anger out. He tells his father to “Give her the God damn camera! ” As Conrad works through his minefield of emotions with Dr.
Berger and learns to try to control his emotions less, he starts dating Jeannine, a kindhearted, nonjudgmental girl from his school choir. Jeannine is someone who is there for him to confide in and allows him to feel needed. She is the only person who actually asks Conrad about what he had felt when he tried to commit suicide. Jeannine confides in him that she also has things in her life that she is not proud of. Conrad, for the first time, begins to regain a sense of optimism. In another emotionally charged scene, Conrad argues with his mother while Calvin tries to referee.
Conrad on an emotional high from Jeannine’s date acceptance returns home with his father and their Christmas tree. Beth, who just found out about Conrad quitting the swim team, confronts him. She had appeared angrier at the embarrassment she experienced than worried about Conrad. In perhaps the movie’s most revealing moment, Conrad let’s his anger flow and confronts his mother with the fact she never came to the mental hospital to see him. Conrad says, “You would have come if Buck had been in the hospital. ” Beth replies, “Buck never would have been in the hospital. Conrad runs upstairs, fed up with trying to deal with the madness. Calvin goes to check on Conrad in his room desperately trying to understand what’s going on inside of Conrad’s mind. Conrad tells his father “Can’t you see she hates me! ” These conflicts lead up to the turning point of the story in which Conrad discovers that he must forgive himself and his mother. Conrad begins by telling Berger he doesn’t blame his mom after all the shit that he pulled. Berger inquires asking “What shit have you pulled. ” Conrad says,” Hey, come on. Listen, I’m never going to be forgiven for that.
You know you can’t get it out—all the blood in her towels and rugs. Everything had to be pitched. Even the tile in the bathroom had to be re-grouted. Christ, she fired the goddamned maid because she couldn’t dust the living room right. If you think I’m going to forgive… she’s going to forgive me… ” Conrad states,” I think I just figured something out. ” “What’s that? ” Berger states. ” Who it is who can’t forgive who. ” Conrad replies. Conrad’s spontaneous self-observation of his slip of the tongue about his mother allowed him to uncover conflicts about which he had not been aware.
These conflicts had been fueling his major symptoms of excessive self-blaming. He had learned to explore his deeper conflicts about missing, wanting, and fearing his mother’s love. Conrad also discovers that he not only needs to forgive his mother but also forgive himself for Buck’s accident. Calvin seeks out Dr. Berger to “shed some light on Conrad” but ends up dealing with his own issues. Beth is unwilling to even consider psychotherapy. She views it as a sign of weakness and is embarrassed for others to know of her family’s problems. Beth cannot get past her own walls to talk to her heart-of-hearts in order to fix her family life.
Once again her solution when things get hairy is to escape from the situation. This time she wants to go to Houston alone with Calvin while Conrad stays at home with grandma. This is Beth’s way of trying to distract Calvin’s attention away from the issues at hand, hoping their problems will all be forgotten. In Calvin’s heart he is discovering Beth isn’t budging for anyone. During some free time Conrad goes to his old team’s swim meet and winds up getting into a fight with one of his old team mates who is verbally bashing his brother’s memory.
While sitting in his car, Conrad’s best friend Lazenby comes over and commences to tell Conrad that he misses when Conrad, him and his brother were all best friends. Conrad responds by telling him, “It’s just too hard for him to be your friend. ” Conrad is not yet emotionally strong enough to handle the memories Lazenby’s friendship rekindle. Thoughts of his brother are automatically associated with him. Next, Conrad finds out Karen committed suicide which sends him down an emotional rollercoaster. All the memories come flooding back about the night of the accident and it’s almost more than Conrad can bare.
He rushes out of the house, calls Berger and meets him at the office. Sobbing uncontrollably Conrad lets go. He Cries, “It’s my fault, I let go, the sail jammed. ” And “It isn’t fair, I loved him. ” Dr Berger makes him realize that hanging on to the boat had no guilt at all. While in Houston Calvin tries to intercede between Beth and Conrad, hoping to make Beth understand how much her son needs her. He tells Beth, “He just wants to know that you don’t hate him. ” Beth replies, “Hate him! How could I hate him? Mothers don’t hate their sons! Is that what he told you?
You see how you believe everything he tells you? And you can’t do the same for me, you can’t! God, I don’t know what anyone wants from me anymore! ” This moment is very important for Beth, and shows the conflict within her. Anger at the loss of Buck, anger at the loss of control, and anger and disappointment toward Conrad for abandoning his family when they needed him most and her love for all she has lost including both sons. Beth awoke one night to find Calvin missing from her bed, and when she went downstairs looking for him she found him sitting at the dining table crying.
Calvin was upset at the fact that Beth fails to show affection for her son Conrad after he hugged her and she froze up. In this scene it is obvious that Beth felt ashamed for not hugging Conrad back. In Calvin’s eyes he still sees a cold and bitter mother. Calvin stated “It’s almost like you buried all of your love with Buck”. Calvin continued to explain how he has been thinking and he is not sure if he is in love with Beth anymore due to her actions. At the end of the movie, Beth cannot deal with open emotional confrontation, and her response is to pack her bags, and leave her home, a physical as well as an emotional flight.
On their own, Calvin and Conrad develop an open, honest relationship, one that will make them a functional family of two. As Beth drives away to her brother’s house, Calvin and Conrad are shown in an emotional embrace in front of their home. The climax begins with Calvin telling Conrad, “Well, don’t admire people too much, they disappoint you sometimes. ” “I’m not disappointed,” Conrad says. “I love you. ” Calvin and Conrad for their part, take the first steps in reopening the lines of communication which have been closed for so long.
The film is wonderful in the way it’s told – we’re shown flashbacks through Conrad and Calvin but never through Beth. I find that marvelous storytelling. This story tells us so much about Beth’s character even though she has zero flashbacks. I love the way we’re shown she has complete control without lifting a finger, the way she has dominance over Calvin without him even knowing and with him thinking he has a wonderful life and marriage. This story doesn’t have a happy ending by any definition, but at least one with the beginnings of hope.
