Self-control is an important skill for all children to learn. It refers to having power or control over one’s own actions. It also means that an individual knows right from wrong. Children who do not make choices for their own behavior, but instead rely on other children, parents, teachers, or adults to make choices for them, do not learn self-control. These children may follow others’ bad choices and get involved in ridiculing others, taking away others’ things, and not taking responsibility for the consequences of their behavior. They also may listen to others who say negative things about people who may be different due to skin color, race, culture, religion, or disabilities. The skill of self-control will allow children to know that the right thing to do is to be tolerant of others despite differences. If students are taught self-control at an early age, then they will feel better about the choices that they do make.
It is important to select age-appropriate goals for children who are learning self-control. Try simple goals first, where success is expected, one goal at a time. For preschool children, appropriate goals might include not interrupting or not fighting with siblings. For early elementary school children, appropriate goals might include complying with bedtime rules or showing anger appropriately (instead of hitting or screaming). Some general strategies that often help children learn appropriate self-control behaviors include:
• Take a break: Encourage children to “take a break” or a “time out” from a situation where they are feeling angry or upset.
• Teach and provide attention: Children can learn to resist interrupting others by learning how to observe when others are not talking, so that they can join in appropriately. Be sure to provide children with attention at appropriate times so that they are not “starved” for attention and more likely to interrupt inappropriately.
• Use appropriate rewards: Children need consistent, positive feedback to learn appropriate behavior. Praise and attention are highly rewarding for young children, as is special time with a parent. Be sure your child knows what behavior is desired!
• Use specific activities designed to teach self-regulation: Parents can help teach even young children (ages 5–8 years) the skills that foster self-control, using activities such as those that follow. These skills include dealing with “wanting something I can’t have,” understanding feelings, and controlling anger. Below, each skill is described, followed by activities to teach and practice self-control skills. Each activity includes a set of problem solving steps to teach and rehearse with young children, along with suggestions for “role playing” (acting out situations) and discussion
