In her book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom,” Amy Chua shares stories from her journey as a parent raising two children, focusing on her experiences with daughters Sophia and Luisa (Lulu). She refers to her parenting approach as the “Chinese mother” style but acknowledges that this term does not represent all Chinese mothers, as it encompasses different characteristics.
The label “Western parents” should not be applied to all parents from Western countries. In a study mentioned in this chapter, 50 American mothers from Western countries and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers were surveyed about the role of parents in their children’s academic success. The results showed that 70% of Western mothers believed that stressing academic success is not beneficial for children or that parents should encourage the idea that learning is enjoyable. In contrast, almost none of the Chinese mothers shared these views.
Although there are several studies supporting this theory, I would not place significant trust in this particular study due to its limited sample size and the presence of “Western American mothers” who possess diverse parenting styles. The term “Western American mother” encompasses individuals from Hawaii to Maine and everywhere in between.
The author suggests that a Chinese mother’s belief system encompasses several aspects. These include prioritizing schoolwork, deeming an A-minus as unsatisfactory, anticipating their children to excel in math and surpass their peers by two years, refraining from praising their children publicly, always backing teachers or coaches even if the child disagrees with them, permitting participation in activities only if there is a potential for winning a medal, and expecting that medal to be gold. Although some may find this list extreme, its acceptance relies on individual upbringing and cultural norms.
When one lacks knowledge of anything different, it is considered normal, expected, and accepted. While perusing the book, I swiftly discerned Amy Chua’s fervent advocacy for the “Chinese” parenting style. In chapter four, entitled “The Chuas,” she recounts how she and her siblings were obliged to communicate solely in Chinese at home, engaged in daily drills encompassing math and piano, and were prohibited from participating in sleepovers at friends’ residences. Nevertheless, she also relates an anecdote about deceiving her father by forging his signature to apply to a school on the East Coast despite his prior determination that she would attend the University of California at Berkeley where he held a professorial position.
The author discusses a moment in the book where her daughter Lulu rebels. Throughout the book, there are various examples that compare “Chinese” parenting to “Western” parenting. Chapter 10, titled “Teeth Marks and Bubbles,” particularly focuses on this comparison. In this chapter, the author shares an incident where she refers to her eldest daughter Sophia as “garbage.” This was due to an action that she viewed as extremely disrespectful, although it is not specified what exactly happened. The author mentions how her own father had used the same term when she disrespected her mother, but asserts that it did not affect her self-esteem.
During a dinner party with friends, she shared an anecdote that garnered disapproval and made her feel excluded. She proceeded to enumerate three significant differences in the attitudes of Chinese and Western parents. First, Western parents prioritize their child’s self-esteem and are more focused on their emotional welfare, while Chinese parents do not share this concern. Chinese parents believe in their children’s inner strength rather than fragility, which affects their actions. Second, Chinese parents firmly believe that their children should feel obliged to repay them for the sacrifices they have made.
According to Chua, Chinese parents have a distinct parenting style compared to Western parents. They place great importance on repaying and impressing their parents, which influences their approach to parenting. In contrast, Western parents do not face the same level of pressure. Additionally, Chinese parents feel justified in making decisions on behalf of their children because they believe they know what is best for them. This mindset is not limited to Chinese parents; many other parents also hold the belief that they know what is best for their children. However, Chinese parents take it a step further by restricting choices for their children while Western parents grant them freedom in decision-making.
Chua’s book explores her preference for the Chinese parenting style and highlights its differences from other styles. She shares personal stories of using this approach with her sisters and eldest daughter, Sophia. However, Chua faces challenges when trying to apply this style to her youngest daughter, Lulu. The peak moment occurs in Chapter 31, titled “Red Square,” where Chua has a confrontation with Lulu at the GUM cafe.
Chua escapes to the Red Square after the fight to reflect on the situation. It is there that she realizes Lulu’s rebellion was aimed at her and her “Chinese mother” parenting approach. When Chua returns to the cafe, she tells Lulu that she has won in their conflict and can now make her own decisions, such as quitting the violin. Do I support this style of parenting? The parenting style described by Chua in her memoir is authoritarian parenting, which emphasizes strict standards and controlling children through shame, withholding love, or punishments (http://www).
According to (http://www.parentingscience.com/chinese-parenting.html), my disagreement lies with Chinese parenting. Dr. Gwen Dewar advocates for authoritative parenting as a more effective approach, which involves setting high expectations, providing parental love, and using reasoning when interacting with children. In contrast, authoritarian parenting is linked to reduced self-control, heightened emotional difficulties, and poorer academic achievement.
Although it is not inherently wrong to want the best for your children and teach them the value of hard work while offering guidance, it should not be done at the expense of their mental well-being. While Chua’s daughter, Sophia, may have initially gained from this parenting style, they might eventually realize that similar achievements could have been accomplished without such overwhelming pressure. Only time will tell whether Chua’s daughters will harbor resentment towards her, as her father did when he disagreed with his strict mother and distanced himself from his family.
Lulu, one of the most challenging children mentioned in Amy Chua’s book about the “Chinese mother” parenting style, has both advantages and disadvantages. This approach, although not fully supported by me, can cultivate a drive for excellence in children. However, it also carries the risk of negatively impacting a child through belittlement. In an interview following the publication of her book (http://abcnews.go), Chua stressed that she did not intend to provide a parenting guide.
Amy Chua, also known as the “Tiger Mother,” has received criticism for her parenting methods (source: com/US/tiger-mother-amy-chua-death-threats-parenting-essay/story? id=12628830). However, I share her belief that her approach is not a one-size-fits-all guide to parenting. This is because each child is unique and what may be effective for one child may not work for another. Chua herself acknowledges in her book that Chinese parenting does not always lead to success. Ultimately, individuals should make decisions they feel are suitable for their own family and be open to adapting along the way.
