In the article “Crazy Love’’ by Steven Pinker he describes the effects love has on us as human beings, and the way people look for certain spouses. Pinker argues that ever since the beginning of time love as driven humans to make decisions they would not normally make. Love evokes feelings not only of happiness, but sorrow and anger as well. Pinker then begins to explain how humans find a mate, and what they look for in the opposite sex.
He explores two different approaches in find a mate: looking for someone who fits mold and meets the criteria for an ideal spouse, or someone who evokes the countless feelings associated with being in love. Pinker’s conception is something that I personally agree with. As people today so many people think they know love but are actually confused by lust, not personalities, or think they’re in love because obsessions. First, people today think that they know what love is.
Is it really love what people feel on the outcome of their relationship that keeps them going? It’s not love that keeps people going it lust “lust is fueled by testosterone and companionate love by vasopressin and oxytocin’’. Lust is like a drug addiction, once it gets ahold of you tend to crave it whether it’s that man or women that you have your eyes on. Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can’t keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time.
Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love. Second, falling in love you would think it would because of someone’s personality, wrong not in today’s time. Personally I’ve witnessed it first hand for myself and through other people. For example I thought a girl that I use to address liked me but seems she was just with me because of my looks and just wanted sex.
Now day’s people will put on an act to pretend to be with you for your personality. The 10’s will marry 10’s and 9’s will marry 9’s not based off their personality but only off looks and the end of the day that’s why so many relationships today are not stable. Third, Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people apple logic to the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and estructive. While lust is often passing, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around. Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is depleting. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always trying over and over to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.
In conclusion, people should take time to get to knowing their spouse and searching for an ideal spouse. Being inexperienced to love can be easily mistaken that passion of love you have to be lust. Not being with someone because of their personality can make you unhappy and making all your life decisions in your life off your feeling of your spouse could just be obsession.
