Regrettably, I often come across a commonly heard quote: “Any fool can have a child, but it takes a true man to be a father.” Despite the different ways people phrase it, the essence of the message remains unchanged.
Men who are only interested in conceiving a child but reject the obligations of raising that child should not be referred to as fathers. Unfortunately, there is a significant number of men who choose the simpler route without fully accepting their role as fathers, causing many children to lack the necessary support and care they need.
When searching for the term “father” in a dictionary, you will typically find definitions that describe him as “a man who has begotten a child” (Merriam-Webster) or “a male person whose sperm unites with an egg, resulting in the conception of a child” (TheFreeDictionary). These definitions imply that any man who has fathered a child is considered to be a father, regardless of their level of involvement in raising the child. However, a true father is someone who willingly takes on the responsibility of raising and caring for a non-biological child. It is important to recognize these men as fathers.
Despite the existence of different interpretations and perspectives on the definition of a father, I disagree with commonly accepted definitions. Many others also share this viewpoint. In my opinion, these definitions fail to fully capture the essence of what it means to be a father. While they may be suitable for describing someone who merely donates sperm or contributes to impregnation, being a father encompasses much more than that limited role. I believe it is inadequate to rely solely on dictionary definitions when attempting to define a true father. My own definition would provide a more comprehensive understanding of the concept. However, even if I consider my definition flawless, it would inevitably face debate from those with differing viewpoints.
Individuals have diverse emotions, thoughts, and perspectives regarding the definition or expectations of a father. These viewpoints can be influenced by personal experiences with one’s own father, one’s own abilities as a father, or even through media portrayals of fathers. Despite various factors shaping different opinions, there is generally consensus that being a father entails more than biological parenthood.
In his 2008 Father’s Day speech, President Obama stressed that being a father goes beyond just having a child. According to him, genuine fatherhood is characterized by the bravery and dedication to raise and care for a child (Dyson).
Without a doubt, I agree completely that parenting demands great courage. It involves taking on significant responsibility and can bring about numerous obstacles. However, once these individuals discover the strength within themselves to confront these challenges, they will realize that it is also the most rewarding undertaking they will ever experience.
Some people miss out on the incredible and long-lasting experience of raising their children because they lack courage.
Several research studies have emphasized the significance of a biological father’s actions and choices on their children. For example, the Journal of Research on Adolescence conducted a study examining the impact of an absent father on a child’s likelihood of incarceration. The results revealed that children raised in households without a present father had the highest probability of ending up in prison” (Harper). Despite this concerning finding, there are situations where children may benefit from not having their biological fathers actively involved in their lives.
Being subjected to abuse from a father, whether it is physical, sexual, or emotional, would undeniably have a more harmful effect on a child’s overall well-being. In addition to abuse, fathers can also cause profound harm by being physically present but emotionally distant towards their children. Research in Social Science has discovered that when fathers are not actively engaged in their children’s lives, there is a higher chance of young individuals getting involved in substance use (Bronte-Tinkew et al.).
This refers to a situation where the biological father lives with the child but shows no interest in their life. However, it is more common for a man to occasionally be involved in his child’s life, selectively embracing fatherhood. This can be very difficult and confusing, especially for a young child. Imagine a young child feeling sad and wondering why their father is often not there, feeling happy when they hear that their father will visit soon, but ultimately feeling heartbroken when their father disappointingly doesn’t show up or abandons them again.
Although many men try to convince themselves and others that they are responsible fathers, it is important to understand that fatherhood cannot be done on a part-time basis. If someone can only handle a part-time role, similar to most part-time workers, they will not reap any benefits. To illustrate this point, I know someone who has four children from three different mothers but has shown minimal effort in supporting them throughout their lives. During their crucial developmental years, he was rarely present and failed to provide the valuable lessons that only a father can offer.
During their challenging and bewildering moments, he was not present in his children’s lives as he focused on finding his next fix or getting imprisoned. Sometimes, he attempted to fulfill his paternal responsibilities by spending a few weekends with them. However, after a brief period together, he would suddenly vanish, seemingly thinking that being with his kids meant sacrificing his own pleasure and social interactions. Additionally, even when he had custody of them, he was typically too intoxicated to genuinely interact with them.
Despite his lack of financial support for his children, whether it be due to laziness or incompetence in finding a job, he chooses to spend money on vices such as alcohol and drugs. Despite the fact that his children are now grown-up and occasionally see him in public, he pretends to be proud of them and tries to claim responsibility for their accomplishments and happiness.
Despite the potential impact of his parenting on their achievements and wellbeing, they are motivated to avoid becoming like him because he is unquestionably my father according to traditional dictionary definitions. However, I hold a different viewpoint and do not consider him as my father.
As a father for almost six years, I have gained the necessary understanding and skills to comprehend the responsibilities that come with this role. I see myself as a genuine person who has shown bravery in raising a child. Despite not being flawless, I continuously strive to give my best.
As a parent, my responsibility is to give my utmost effort to my son because I had a part in bringing him into this world. Therefore, it is crucial for me to support him in navigating through life. This is the essence of parenthood. If you are a parent, you have contributed to creating an individual who is essentially an extension of yourself. It is vital that you perceive and treat your child as if they were the most important and valuable entity on earth, while also recognizing their vulnerability and preciousness. The focus now revolves around the child; everything centers around them. As a result, there will be numerous challenges and sacrifices that need to be made.
Fatherhood is a challenging responsibility that requires effort and carries the possibility of mistakes. As your child grows, you face ongoing challenges that continually assess your parenting skills. In essence, being a father entails providing both financial support and emotional nurture to your children. It is vital to be present to teach them and steer their conduct when they err. Moreover, it is essential to consistently be accessible for your children, whether you are physically present or just a phone call away for them to have someone trustworthy to share with.
Being a father involves small acts of care and attention, such as checking in on your children’s day and engaging in activities like playing catch with them. These little actions provide comfort and trust that they can rely on you whenever necessary. Although constantly gaining new insights into fatherhood, I could easily talk endlessly about the requirements of being a good dad. While reading parenting books can be helpful, the true essence lies in having the courage to raise your child and possessing essential qualities that will guide you on the right path.
After becoming a father, I found myself experiencing similar emotions and instincts. It wasn’t just an idea; it became a natural instinct to care for and protect my son, give him love and support, set boundaries, and share knowledge. In the end, I realized how important it is to actively be involved in his life both physically and emotionally, guiding him through life’s challenges and uncertainties. Perhaps my own father (in accordance with the dictionary definition) truly influenced the optimistic person I am today.
When I discovered I was going to become a parent, my main objective was to avoid making the same mistakes as my father did. My aim was to shield my child from the emotional distress and perplexity that I went through during my own early years. This duty wasn’t just an obligation for me; it was a fervent desire to ensure the welfare of my child. The idea of nurturing and guiding a child filled me with excitement. The experience of raising my son has been remarkable, and now, I am delighted to announce that I am a proud father.
