As high school students approach their senior year, it signifies an important moment in their lives as they get ready to venture into a life of independence apart from their parents. Nonetheless, it remains crucial to appreciate and treasure the love, attention, and assistance given by parents during this final stage. Regrettably, not all children have had the privilege of receiving the same degree of care from their parents throughout their upbringing, as depicted through Emily’s story in Tillie Olsen’s “I Stand Here Ironing”.
Olsen effectively portrays the emotional detachment between a mother and her daughter in “I Stand Here Ironing”. The story opens with the unnamed narrator, a mother, ironing and speaking on the phone with an unidentified person, who is likely a social worker, teacher, or counselor. This person has requested the narrator’s help in understanding Emily, the narrator’s daughter, as they believe she requires support.
However, the narrator expressed her thoughts by saying, “you think because I am her mother I have a key … that has happened outside of me, beyond me” (Olsen 62). This statement, while unusual for a mother to make, reveals that Emily’s mother believes she lacks the power to influence Emily. As a result, she delves into her own memories of Emily to justify her perceived inability. In a poignant tone, the narrator proceeds to depict the beauty of Emily during infancy and the intimate bond they shared through breastfeeding.
Initially, the story portrays a loving connection between a mother and her eldest child. However, this bond gradually deteriorates into a distant and frigid relationship. When Emily was only eight months old, her father abruptly left the family due to their financial struggles. Consequently, she was entrusted to the care of a neighbor while her mother worked tirelessly to make ends meet. Despite the mother’s desperate attempts to be present for Emily by rushing home from work, their interactions became strained as Emily would always cry upon seeing her.
Inevitably, circumstances forced the mother to make a difficult decision; she opted to send Emily away to live with her father’s relatives. Nevertheless, at the age of two, Emily returned under her mother’s roof once more. Alas, due to the demanding nature of her job that required long hours of laboring diligently, the mother had no choice but to enroll Emily in day care.
Emily consistently found excuses to stay at home with her mother, although she never directly protested or rebelled against her mother’s decision, as stated in Olsen’s work (63). Regardless of Emily’s obedience, she was sent away to be cared for by someone else a second time. However, upon her return, she had to adjust to a new stepfather. The narrator suggests that it might have been a more favorable time for Emily (64). Nevertheless, the gap between Emily and her mother widens as she and her second husband frequently leave Emily alone for extended periods of time.
Even though she felt very guilty, the unnamed mother in the story kept telling herself that Emily was old enough (Olsen 64). When the narrator went to the hospital to have another daughter named Susan, Emily was sick with measles and refused to eat, becoming extremely thin (Olsen 64). Additionally, she had nightmares during this time. However, the narrator only went to sit with Emily twice when she had to get up for Susan (Olsen 64). It is evident that this mother did not fulfill her responsibility towards Emily as a mother to her daughter.
The narrator fails to give Emily enough attention until it is too late to repair their relationship (Olsen 64). Emily consistently responds with a cold voice, telling her mother, “‘No, I’m all right, go back to sleep, Mother.’” (Olsen 64). This leaves the unnamed mother feeling guilty as she typically comforts her other children but neglects Emily (Olsen 64). The mother’s voice is laden with guilt because she was absent from Emily’s life when the child needed love, care, and support from her own mother. Unfortunately, she feels powerless and lacks other options. Due to suffering from tuberculosis, Emily is once again separated from her mother and sent to a convalescent home where she can receive better care.
While Emily is at the recovery center, she is deprived of nearly all communication, particularly with her mother. Even the letters the narrator writes are only read once and then discarded. Parents are only permitted to visit every other Sunday, during which the children line up on their cottage balconies and engage in shouted conversations with their parents below. Emily’s balcony symbolizes the emotional disconnect between the narrator and her daughter. The narrator seems incapable of establishing a direct connection with Emily, whether it be at the recovery center or in their home life.
The narrator observes that Emily gradually became more detached and emotionally unresponsive. When Emily returned home, she appeared frail, distant, and rigid, with a diminished appetite. With each return, Emily had to readjust to the evolving dynamics of the household. It is evident that Emily and the narrator have been absent from each other’s lives for significant periods of Emily’s growth. With such prolonged absence, the narrator increases her efforts to express love towards Emily; however, these attempts are rejected, occurring too tardily to prevent Emily’s isolation from her family and society.
Even though Emily is currently living with the narrator, the feeling of absence still persists in the story. Emily, the focal point of the narrator’s thoughts, only makes a brief appearance. She only enters the story momentarily to disrupt the narrator’s reflections on the past. Mother and daughter coexist on the outskirts of each other’s lives, with the narrator viewing Emily as an enigma, perhaps even a stranger. Throughout the monologue, despite expressing frustration over having no alternative but to send Emily away, the narrator takes great pride in Emily’s comedic and acting abilities.
Emily, with the narrator’s support, participated and triumphed in a talent show at school, showcasing her proficiency in imitations and comedic acts. This experience propelled her to engage in numerous performances, leading to the cultivation of her inherent talent. However, due to a lack of financial resources and encouragement, Emily’s potential remained untapped. The narrator concedes their inability to improve Emily’s prospects, resulting in a sense of spiritual defeat. Ultimately, the line “I stand here ironing, and what you asked me moved tormented back and forth with the iron” (Olsen 62) conveys the narrator’s reflection on their struggles.
It introduces the oppressive environment of household chores that define the narrator’s existence and provide the foundation for contemplation of deeper matters. The term “tormented” demonstrates how deeply the narrator feels responsible for the neglect and limited opportunities that Emily has endured. Ironing is an unavoidable aspect of life, and despite feeling “tormented,” the narrator is helpless to change it. “I Stand Here Ironing” serves as a reflection on the nature of guilt and remorse in the narrator’s role as a mother.
The narrator acknowledges the significant impact of poverty and oppressive circumstances that women had no choice but to endure during the 1900s to the middle of the century. However, she does admit that she has played a part in shaping Emily into the troubled young woman she has become. In the current moment of the story, Emily comes back home and prepares something to eat for herself. The narrator reassures the person she is speaking to that Emily is a product of her time, affected by the Great Depression, war, and fear. Right before urging the reader to “Let her be,” (Olsen 68) the narrator emphasizes this point.
The text focuses on the narrator’s belief that external forces can derail individual lives. In “I Stand Here Ironing,” a monologue story, a single mother is forced to prioritize work and earning wages during World War II, leaving her with little time to fulfill her responsibilities towards her daughter. Despite feeling guilty, the mother views ironing as an essential duty that cannot be avoided, and her daughter, Emily, must come to terms with being neglected as a product of the time and circumstances.
