For decades, a lot emphasis has been put on certain aspect of intelligence. This intelligence is called IQ ( Intelligence Quotient ). IQ includes aspects of Mathematics, spatial learning, Verbal, logical reasoning, and memory. This intelligence could predict to a significant degree of performances and some degree of personal and professional success. However, some people with fabulous IQ scores are doing poorly in their life. They somehow are wasting their potential by thinking, behaving and communication in a way that hinders their chances to succeed. There is something missing in the success equation. The missing part in the success equation is EQ or EIQ ( Emotional Intelligence Quotient ).
Aristotle, a Greek philosopher, had a recipe for handling relationship smoothly. He said,
” You must be able to angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way ” – Aristotle, Greek philosopher –
While psychologist, Daniel Goleman, called such self-control as “ Emotional Intelligence ”. This concept was made popular by his groundbreaking book “ Emotional Intelligence ” in 199 .
EQ refers to a combination of skills such as empathy, self-control, self-awareness, sensitivity to feelings of others, persistence and self-motivation. People who excel in their life tend to be emotionally intelligent.
IQ ( Intelligence Quotient )EQ ( Emotional Intelligence )
·Mathematics·Spatial Learning·Verbal·Logical Reasoning·Memory·Empathy·Self-control·Self-awareness·Sensitivity to feelings of others·Persistence·Self-Motivation
Aspects of IQ & EQ and Their Differences
As all of us know, EQ is more important than IQ nowadays. A person with high EQ shows signs of not afraid to express his feeling and express them with reason, logic and reality, and not the slave to negative emotion such as fear, worry, guilt. We should be brave and do things that we want to do. Besides, we should act out or do something to desire and not of force or duty. We should always express our feelings clearly and directly with three word sentence, so that we can let feelings guide us through life. Independent, self-reliant and morally autonomous also shows one with high EQ. High EQ is definitely not motivated by power, wealth, status, fame or approval but feelings, comfortable talking about feelings, immobilized by fear or worry, and able to identify multiple concurrent feelings.
There are many evidences that show EQ is more important than IQ :
EQ proves that emotion influences a person’s behavior though he is brilliant and high IQ.
Two students show different feelings towards their results. Both the students get B- grade in their exam. The optimistic students ( high EQ ) shows the satisfying feeling to the result and accepts it with reasons while the other acts aggressively and is unsatisfied with the result although he is brilliant and with high IQ. Undesirable action may appear if the latter cannot control his emotion.
Another evidence that can been seen in our social life is optimistic person is always welcomed by others and it shows that EQ helps us in our social life when we can understand others feelings and act friendly and be more optimistic.
In addition, EQ also fulfills our own feelings needs if we know how to release negative emotion that has tolerated for a long time. This will reduce our stress in life.
If we have high EQ, we know how to protect ourselves biologically. We will feel afraid when a snake attacks us. Emotion will make us feel fear and react to the situation. We will run away and will be more careful when we see a snake next time.
Besides, EQ also helps us to protect ourselves from dangerous. For example, anxiety prevents us from repeating the same mistake, while angry defends ourselves from repeatedly disturbance or being attacked by others.
On the whole, we know that EQ is important for us rather than having only IQ. So, we should know how to apply EQ into our daily life.
·EQ influences a person’s behavior though he is brilliant and high IQ.·EQ helps us in our social life when we can understand others feelings and act friendly and be more optimistic.·EQ fulfills our own feelings needs.·EQ protects us biologically.·EQ helps us to protect ourselves from dangerous.
“Intelligence” is really a mixture of different kinds of cognition, “Emotional Intelligence” is really a combination of patterns, behaviors and kinds of thoughts.
There is a model of how to learn EQ. It is made up of stages such as ‘Know yourself’, ‘Choose yourself’ and ‘Give yourself’. This model is taken from Six Seconds’ Web ( www.6seconds.org , 1998 ).
Stage 1Know YourselfØWhat makes you think , act and feel the way you do?ØWhat parts of your reaction are habitual (done without conscious thought and which parts are intentional?ØWhat are you afraid of?üSelf-awareness : the recognition of the causes and effects of your own feelings and reaction.üSelf-honesty : the acceptance of your own qualities and faults, your own experiences and emotions and your own power.üIndependence : the recognition of your own rights and responsibilities as a free person.
Stage 2Choose YourselfØHow do you know what is right for you?ØCan you increase your awareness of your actions so that you see their effects?ØIf you were not afraid, what would you do?ØCan you live with doing less that what is right?üDelay gratification : take “right” action even though there may not be immediate reward.üPrioritize : bring to the forefront of your mind a “checklist” of what is most important so you can weigh decisions and actions.üManage feelings : use simple techniques, like a pause for reflection, to act – not react.üOptimism : recognize that you have choice, that you can make a difference, that you are an important part of a living whole.üAccountability : hold yourself to high standards and do what is right … even when it seems hopeless
Stage 3 Give YourselfØAm I leaving a legacy of good?ØAm I healing or hurting?ØDo I live the golden rule?ØWill I die knowing I lived well?üInterdependence : the recognition of an individual’s place in the larger community; awareness and decision making that takes into account the short & long term consequences of our actions.üEmpathy : use your awareness to guide your choices.üNoble Goals : commit to action that serves ideals & serves others, but does not hurt anyone and does not profit one over another.
( Six Seconds’ Web, www.6seconds.org , 1998 )
There are activities to build EQ and to take charge of how you think, feel and act. These activities begin with knowing yourself. It’s through self-index, reflecting on EQ and naming feelings. The activities are taken out from the Six Seconds’ Web (1998).
Getting To Know Me1. Self Index¨Make a list of your strengths and your vulnerabilities.¨Copy your list and give it to several people who know you well and ask them mark the three strengths and the three vulnerabilities that best describe you. Invite them to add others to the list.¨After one week or two, revisit your list and revise it. Choose one strength you will focus on building. Make a list of ways you prevent yourself from fully utilizing that strength.
2. Reflecting on EQ¨Take the emotional intelligence test from books or from websites.¨Check the answer. Do you agree with your results?
3. Naming Feelings¨Clip out 6 cartoons or comics from a paper or magazine. On a separate sheet label each with an emotional concept or a feeling.¨Examples of Concepts : esteem, integrity, hope, community, values, perseverance, gratitude, grace.¨Examples of Feelings : fear, love, anger, pessimism, adoration, despair, anguish, confusion, frustration, anxiety, disgust, terror, ecstasy.
( Six Seconds’ Web, www.6seconds.org , 1998 )
There are 10 habits of high EQ people. ( EQ Institute, www.eqi.org ,1999 )
1.Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.2.Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.3.Take responsibility for their feelings.4.Use their feelings to help them make decisions.5.Show respect for other people’s feelings.6.Feel energized, not angry.7.Validate other people’s feelings.8.Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions.9.Don’t advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.10.Avoid people who invalidate them, or don’t respect their feelings.
Learning EQ is not a difficult task. So, try to control your emotions and behave properly. With the list of habits of high EQ people above, we can determine ourselves whether we are high EQ person or not.
§Know, Choose, Give : Six Seconds Model of Applied Emotional Intelligence. Six Seconds’ Web [Online]. Available : http://www.6seconds.org/ [1998, December 10]
§Review of the book of Daniel Goleman : Emotional Intelligence. EQ Institute [Online] Available : http://www.eqi.org (1999)