In my freshman year, with the admiration for college and a desire for a happy home, I came to Anhui University of Technology and Science. Everything was so nice and new, even though it was not as perfect as I had imagined. I was able to maintain the discipline habits cultivated in my dependent high school. I still remember the day and time when, with my case, I stood in the doorway and saw a shy and slim boy crowded onto the welcoming bus. I was not like an Irish guy in New York, even though I came from the countryside. At that time, college was a great stage that I paid for performance, and I tried to be the best and smartest version of myself, but I cannot say that I had done a good show. I made a good initial step in my college life; I was seemingly brave and courageous. In fact, the first impression I made on my teachers and classmates was successful.
Then the upcoming days are military training, which is really tough and tiring for me. Maybe it’s because of my rebellious nature as a young person and my belief in Western culture and values. It really conflicted with my mind and challenged my personality. Now, when I look back on those times, joining the Lemon Tree English Association and serving as the Minister of the Spoken Department was perhaps the only significant step I took among many trials.
At those times, I was so ordinary that I could be omitted. However, in my heart, there was a burning desire to be noticeable. I was so shy that I blushed when I was in front of girls. I was so unconfident that I could not speak aloud what I really wanted. I was so timid that I forced myself to always stay away from the girl I had a crush on. Well, the romance of college took root in my heart when I met her on the first day of attending college.
However, I thought that I was so inferior that I didn’t match her appearance and character. Ironically, the truth in the coming days proved that I was very wrong! So wrong that I should not have left her alone. I was so stupid that I should have expressed my true feelings to her without any hesitation. Now, it’s the only thing I regret in my campus life. The only thing I get from her now are the diaries I wrote during lonely and sleepless nights and the papers of recitation we practiced together!
Time goes on, but it seems to never end; I have reached the corner of my sophomore year.
Thanks to passing CET4 and 6, my confidence was regained. That could have been the happiest moment of the four years. I became noticed as I had wished and was popular in the English corner that I had been joining. Every day was really shining for me. But, you know, for a guy, achievements are never enough. I tried other certificate exams to fulfill my empty life and emotional heart. I joined activities, broke through and got out. I was hurt and hit, however, I knew it was worth it.
Everything I was happy with, except my lack of affection. When I came across the couples in the colorful and beautiful garden, the anger of jealousy and the depression of heartache shed from my bottom mind. Unfortunately, the girl I referred to suspended her schooling in our sophomore year. Now, I still do not know the reason. Maybe I will never know. Some people say it was because of the troubles she encountered from some disgusting guy. I did not know, and I do not know either. In my mind, she is still my first angel I met on earth. From that affair of unrequited love, I learned a truth: shy guys have no chance in the field of emotional battle. My satisfaction and shyness were gone with the wind from that painfully bitter experience.
Then I stepped onto the road of junior year and realized that no money, no honey,” so I began to find part-time jobs with great enthusiasm. I still remember the first time I stood in the vendor market like a beggar, but I was eventually employed by some parents to be a tutor. Luckily, I succeeded in getting a job after giving up my so-called “face.” During that time, I went to the English corner more often and participated in activities more frequently. One of the most meaningful things I did was winning the first prize in a college debate contest. I learned the joy of teamwork and the basic skills of public speaking. Although I also participated in some speech contests during my sophomore year, I don’t think they were successful.
Every time I went to English corner, I would advocate my ideas and opinions fiercely. Sometimes it would attract the attention of some girls, but I knew it was just admiration and nothing more than that, let alone love. It seemed that the only chance I had of talking to girls was in English corner, which wasn’t ideal. As they say, no money, no honey. This sentence was scribbled in my mind and became my conviction towards mature attitudes in love affairs. It proved that I had also missed some chances of loving some girls I liked. However, it didn’t matter too much because at least I was compensated financially, and my living quality improved somewhat.
Actually, being a college girl isn’t as sophisticated as I imagined. College is really a tough place to enjoy romance. I missed out, but I don’t regret it. However, I tried to go out with some girls that I’m not very into. It didn’t work out for me to really enjoy the affair. During that summer holiday, I got a chance to intern at a local company, from which I gained a lot of social experience.
My campus life is coming to an end. The senior year has arrived, and I have no passion for anything on the yard or interest in any people in the area. I only have one goal in mind: finding a decent job to start anew. For me, the craziness for English still exists. I joined the CCTV English speech contest, representing our department, and won second prize. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Anyway, it’s a goal that I set in my first year of college. Now, I know how to make a girl happy without showing affection, how to move a girl without loving her, but only I know that I know the art of flirting and courtship. I have lost the courage and passion to love seriously. A shy boy with a blushing face disappears forever…
Now, I’m sitting before the screen and writing down the words to recall the days I had. I still remember once upon a time when I was… Now, I work in an American company in the developing zone, but I really want to come back to enjoy the days that I should have.
