Karin Bouzaher, my mother, was born on October 12, 1958 in a suburb of Indiana. Not long after, her family consisting of her father Myron, her mother Ernestina, and her brother Fred, moved to Norwood, Massachusetts. In her early twenties she met my father Brahim in Boston, where they were both studying dentistry; she was at Northeastern University, and he was at Harvard. They got married right out of college, and had many diverse experiences before deciding to setting down in Sandusky, Ohio. In 1987, their first child Alisha was born; then came Eli in 1994, Julia in 1998, and me, Isabel in 2000. They set up their own practice in town, treating the people of Sandusky until my father’s passing on May 11, 2002.
The interview which anchors this analysis, differs greatly from formal social science interviews. A number of things are usually taken into consideration with formal sociological studies. For example, the sociologist must show an effort to build rapport and “get in” with those they are studying, in order to breed trust and a more successful study (Duneier, 1999:336). Additionally, if the study is cross-racial, there is a possibility for participants to feel like they have to wear a “mask”, and conceal their genuine honesty around another race (Duneier, 1999:338). However, because this interviewee is my mother, most of these things are not necessary; we are able to have an honest and genuine conversation, mostly due to our familiar background. Unlike more official research methods, I was able to sit down with my mother over tea, something which we partake in regularly, and have a truly comfortable conversation. I saw my mother as an excellent candidate for this analysis because of her openness and her ability to recount not only her diverse experiences, but also how they were affected by her life with my father, who is not able to speak on his own behalf. Similarly, I knew my mother contains a certain level of sociological competence; she has used her intelligence to understand and navigate her interactions with other members of our society (Lemert, 2012:5). Not only this, but she also possess a sociological imagination, understanding that the personal issues she may have faced throughout life can often be connected to larger historical powers and public issues (Mills, 2000: 5). My mother grew up in the sixties and seventies, a time period very different from my own; however, everything I have learned has been from her. Therefore, an analysis of her story specifically not only provides a better insight into her life, and the sociological concepts which shaped it, but mine as well. Although we have led two distinct lives, my interview with my mother, Karin Bouzaher revealed that our lives have been shaped by the social world in which we live, and therefore I argue that the presence of change across generations, the attainment of habitus, and relationship between agency and structure of our family, stem from the presence of various sociological concepts.
Being from different generations, my mother and I face distinct expectations for how we choose to live our lives, and what is deemed acceptable by family and society, specifically in relation to the transition towards marriage and starting our own independent lives. There was a certain level of socialization that was expected to occur; my mother was to embody and abide by the values and norms of her society in order to be accepted as a part of it (Lemert, 2012:40). When my mother met my father, she had no doubt that she had met the man of her dreams. She told me, “Your father was so handsome and that french accent made me weak,” everything about him let her know she could not let him go. My father was born in Algeria, and came to America on a visa to continue his education. When that visa ran out, and he was forced to return overseas, my mother was terrified she would never see him again. So, they eloped and she followed him back to his country to live together until they could move back to America permanently. This absolutely terrified her mother. The attitude towards ethnicity and interracial marriage was very different in that time. My mother describes the norm of the era, one which her own other had followed and expected the same of her daughter, was to meet a nice American man, get married, settle down in a conventional suburban house, and start making babies. These are examples of some of the social things of the time, the practices and habits created and also expected within a culture (Lemert, 2012:11). What my mother did was not standard by any means, and it left her mother horrified and nervous. While other women were having chapel marriage ceremonies and their first child, my mother was working for the US Embassy in a third-world country, and being harassed by Muslim men for walking down the street to the bakery without my father by her side. However, the way my mother has chose to raise me and my sisters, has always been to put our happiness of our lives first, and ignore what other people think. Although there are still ignorant people in our society, I know this generation of our family is extremely progressive and open minded, with very different views from those my mother was raised with.
The habitus that my mother grew up in differs from that which I was raised; however, there are elements which have been passed on to my generation, and my siblings and I will make an effort pass on to our next. Habitus can be described as the practices and habits which we face in our lives, particularly in relation to influences from our upbringings (Lemert, 2011:37,42-43). For example, some of our best memories as a family have been made in the kitchen. My mother received countless recipes from her mother and grandmother including traditional European dinners, desserts, and Christmas cookies. Food was a large part of what shaped my mother’s cultural background and kept her grounded to her heritage. My mother recalls, “When I had children, I knew I would want to do the same, to directly get them connected to where we come from.” My mother not only raised us on the European food of her childhood, but also the traditional North African food of my father’s culture. All of my siblings and I have expressed our desire to do the same with our children, even joking about creating a mass cookbook off all of the recipes of our family, and attempting to master them all like our mother has.
Undoubtedly, the opportunities which I am provided with in my life, are determined by previous generations of my family, specifically my parents. The two concepts which back this claim are those of agency and structure, and their relationship to one another. In sociology, agency may be considered free will, or the ability for an individual to make their own choices. Whereas, structures are social forces which may determine an individual’s choices and opportunities (Lemert, 2012:88-89). An individual experiences certain circumstances based on their surrounding society and social structures; however, an individual’s reaction to these structures can also determine their life outcomes. For example, in 2008 America was hit by the Recession; many economic and social structures were affected in its wake: the job market, the housing market, and overall incomes. It had been six years since my father had lost his battle with lung cancer, and my mother was struggling not only with her own mental state, but with the responsibility of raising four children by herself. On top of all of this, the recession was catastrophic, and it affected our family for years to come. My mother described it as “being caught underneath a giant wave, as soon as [she] was finally able to come up for air, [she] got hit again.” At the time, finding a steady, well-paying job was seemingly impossible, and she spent years unemployed, living month to month off social security checks in order to support the family. She began to experience a sense of aimlessness, that is normal to arise when the predictability of life is taken away; this is a term coined “anomie” by Emile Durkheim in his work “Suicide” (Durkheim 1897). Although she never amounted to an extreme level of depression, her despair was undeniable. This is the story for many families, whose lives and chances are determined by the structures which run our society. “I don’t think they expected me to fight back as hard as I did,” as she describes her battle with the bank to save our house from foreclosure. An unemployed, widowed, single mother of four may be expected by most to just toss in the towel; however, my mother lives to defy odds. The economy had tanked and social structures were dictating the lives of thousands of Americans. However, my mother’s use of agency – her determination and free will to fight against these structures – is the reason our family was able to survive the Recession and still be given favorable life chances. Because of my mother’s struggles, me and my siblings were able to stay in our childhood home, have food to eat and clothes to wear, as well as a high school education, and the access to a college education that will provide us with our own opportunities. My agency has most certainly been shaped by the history of my family, and the experiences and agency of my mother.
By interviewing my mother, I was already aware of her key life success and failures, her values, and other aspects of her life. However, it was not this interview and analysis process that I was able to dive deeper into these happenings, and possibly find connections and reasonings within them. Not only did I get to understand her life more fully, but I was also able to gain perspective into my own life. There was no false consciousness in our situation; my mother and I are both able to understand that there are underlying social reasons behind her struggles, and therefore the struggles of our family (Lemert 2012:20). Additionally, through this analysis I was able to further understand the reasoning behind my mother’s “Presentation of Self” (Goffman 1959). This is the idea that individuals act in certain ways depending on the assumptions made about those they are surrounded by (Goffman 1959). For example, by analyzing my mother’s story, I am able understand further the way she carries herself around my grandmother, or around important bank workers, that I couldn’t comprehend when I was a young child. Through this sociological analysis, I was able to dive deep into my family’s generational differences, the habitus which shaped my mother and myself, and how my mother’s agency led to opportunities in my life. Being able to find the relation of my mother’s experiences to larger societal conflicts and sociological concepts has provided my with clarity into not only her life, but mine as well.
