Aristotle was an ancient Greek philosopher with a very intellectual brain and set many ideas in different arts and sciences. He founded formal logic and embedded framework for Western thinking for hundreds of years (Kenny, Amaido). Aristotle had a view that was very unique on friendship, and he believed that there were the different kinds including; friendships of goodness, pleasure, and usefulness. Many occurrences Aristotle explains that living a life without friends no one would choose to live, because nothing can bring the same attributes in life a true friendship of some kind (VIII. 1). According to Aristotle’s view of friendship, I disagree with the common term “friends with benefits” being true friendship or even companionship because they are only using each other for sexual pleasure.
Friendship is a very loose statement that can mean many different things and holds different values to many. With that being said, there are many different signs of pure real and true friendship. Friendships are often established based on something mutual and can grow or be broken if mutuality is deceased, trust is broken and many other examples. “But where there is no contract of service, those who give up something for the sake of another party cannot be complained of, and the return of them must be made on the basis of their purpose (IX. 1).” This is quoted from Aristotle’s book of ‘Nicomachean Ethics’, and I believe it explains the true virtue of a quality friendship with servant’s hearts.
Like stated previously, Aristotle’s view of friendship is extremely unique because no one has ever thought of it the same way as him. The first of his three types of friendship is the friendship of goodness. This is a type of friendship that is very selfless between people and always wishing well for the sake of others and in my opinion the truest and pure (VIII. 2). It also is when people like others simply for the goodness they have, and their good qualities well outweigh the bad qualities (VIII. 3). Aristotle believes that first to show goodness to others you yourself have to maintain good virtue for self. If you are selfless and try to maintain everything well then it will be easier to do the same towards others. “They will throw away wealth too on condition that their friends will gain more; for while a man’s friend gains wealth he himself achieves nobility (IX. 8).” From Aristotle’s text this is an example of a friendship of goodness, and helping others for the sake of goodness can also help oneself. The way friendship of goodness can be broken is if one of the people does something incurably evil (IX.3). Before they can accuse one of this out of their goodness the other should help at their assistance until it is impossible for them to reform to their virtue.
In addition to Aristotle’s friendship of goodness, is his friendship of pleasure. Since this type of friendship is pleasure only, it can stem from good and bad things like finding pleasure in that person’s company because they are entertaining or even robbing banks and doing drugs together. To have a friendship of pleasure the people do not have to have good virtue or character clearly (VIII. 3). This can be considered a very selfish type of friendship where one only receives pleasure for self -benefits. It also does not really have to do with the other person besides the pleasure the other person gets.
This friendship is often decreased when the other person no longer carries the attributes that once gave the other pleasure (IX. 3). This so-called “friendship” often happens during the adolescent years when people are more naive, and only want to please self, or be around people with the same likeness (VIII.6).
The last of the three types of friendship is that of utility. This one is very similar to pleasureful friendship in several ways because only one person usually benefits from it, but both parties generally still respect each other. Also stated previously, like pleasure bad men can also have a friendship of utility (VIII. 4). A useful friendship in the real world is often applied in the business situations in a you do for me, I do for you mindset. In a friendship of use, people do not typically spend time together and have a less constant friendship because when the person gains their advantage then they part for they were never true friends, to begin with (VIII.4).
My issue is that I believe the commonly used term ‘friends with benefits’ is not true friendship. Aristotle claims that the truest mark of friendship is enjoying and desiring spending time in others presence. I would like to argue this because being friends with benefits is only spending time with another for sexual pleasure, not for the goodness of the person. With that, the two truly do not know each others character, and it may not be with just one person but many. Being only friends with benefits there is not a clear path where the relationship is going, and could end at any given time expected or unexpected (Fileta). There are three really negative effects that typically happen with friends with benefits including; someone always leaves hurt, you never know what you will receive in return, and there is no real commitment to each other (Fileta). Another reason I believe it is not true friendship is that having a friendship of goodness and the pleasure you wish well for the sake of the other person, according to Aristotle, and in this case, you do not (VIII. 2).
Like I stated previously, I do not believe that being friends with benefits is a true and meaningful relationship. It is only pleasurable for some during a time, but always ends destructively or with someone getting hurt. “Genuine romantic love involves profound caring and a commitment to at least try seriously to maintain the relationship (Ben-Zeev).” Also, having a relationship mindset such as it just leaves your outlook the same for many other similar relationships for the future. Typically woman creates an emotional connection when sleeping with someone from oxytocin which makes them feel bonded even when they are not (Barker). Guys do not usually feel the same way. My advice would be to learn the goodness in someone’s character first because that is where friendships and relationships begin. Then if you like their character you eventually want to spend more and more time together which creates more of a pure bond, and then good relationships and friendships are stemmed from there. Personally, I feel that you can always tell if a relationship will be true or just a type of ‘friends with benefits’, and I would try to steer away from that to save yourself from a heartache in the end.
First and foremost how we can minimize the idea of friends with benefits is by not normalizing the idea that it is okay, and that it creates no real bond of friendship or relationships. Living in a diverse society almost everyone is bound to have a friend of a different race, gender, and class, but being friends with them helps us realize and be aware of these contemporary issues. As for friends with benefits, this mainly occurs for people in their 20’s, but in the long run, can affect any major relationship and cause commitment issues forever (Ben-Zeev). There are several psychological problems that can occur when people have friends with benefits. For example, people struggle with intimacy, commitment, and setting boundaries in most relationships (Fileta). Sadly, outcomes of friends with benefits leave people empty, lonely, and depressed.
