To be loyal is to be faithful to one’s friends, principles, country, school, job, etc. Loyalty is a tenet that everybody has, and animals have it too. Gorillas are a clear example of it. In Africa, these great apes live in groups. As many as thirty gorillas may live together, but there are more likely to be from six to seventeen animals in a group.
The group always includes at least one full-grown male that, by this time, has grown a saddle of silver hair on his back. Within the group, there are often one or more younger black-back males, a few females, and a number of youngsters and infants. A mature silverback, at least twelve years old, is their leader. This enormous gorilla decides when and where the group travels, feeds, rests, and sleeps.
The leader is the chief protector of the group. When danger threatens, the others usually slip off, leaving the silverback behind to warn and repel the invader. They rarely fight. Female gorillas may scream at each other – and perhaps even scratch and bite lightly. At such times, a glare from the silverback is enough to restore the peace.
A stare or nudge from the leader also keeps the males behaving. With infants, even the firmest leader is often easygoing. He allows them to pull his hair, punch him, and crawl all over him. Once, when a little gorilla leaned against a huge silverback, the male grabbed a long-stemmed flower and tickled the infant with it. Babies are, in fact, popular with the entire group. Male and female gorillas hug and play with them much the way we do with human babies.
Females move up in rank when they become mothers. If one wants a better place to sit, a childless female will move over for her. Or a female without little ones will play babysitter while a mother eats or naps. The jungle exposes all animals to dangers, even the mighty gorilla. These great apes climb trees carefully, but now and then, they misjudge the strength of the branches and fall. They also get injured by running into sharp, pointed branches. When they can, they treat their wounds themselves. They lick the broken skin and pull the hair from the injured area. If they can’t reach it, another animal in the group will care for the wound.
In this group of gorillas, we can appreciate family loyalty. We see how loyal the leader is to his family, and the family to their leader. Inside a family, it is the same – the loyalty from the children to their parents and vice versa. We care about our family members, and we always try to take care of them. The same thing happens in our dojo; we are like a family that takes care of each other. We are loyal to our teachers, we trust them, and they trust us. We are loyal to our classmates; we care about them, which is why we try to help them learn, improve, and practice good habits.
“No man is an island, entire of itself…” (John Donne). I particularly find friendship as a good example of loyalty. The contemporary saying “people need people” is a way of expressing our need for association with friendly others. From birth to death, we need the nurture of other humans, and nearly everything we do is affected by what responses we anticipate and receive.
As we move from place to place, from relationship to relationship, from job to job (from school to school), often far away from home, we desperately need some trusted friends. Our survival depends on finding ways to treat strangers and be treated by them with kindness, compassion, and benevolence – in short, as friends. What, then, are the qualities of a friend? I know the feeling I have when I am with one. It is “I belong here”. Seeing a good friend is like going home, or like tasting Mother’s cooking. I feel secure and need not protect myself. “Here,” I say, “it is safe, for I am loved,” that’s how I feel each time I cross my dojo’s door.
However, it is not only the survival of our species that depends on our capacity for making friends, but our individual survival as well. Our cities are becoming unlivable because of what individuals do to each other, resident and other forms of individual violence. People who are in the way are treated as objects to be destroyed, no more than inanimate interferences. And even when there is no threat of violence, we all still must be nurtured by caring others to maintain continuity in our urban landscapes; without them, we would starve. Yet, there is an important element of selfishness in all friendships, even if that does not appear to be so. We like our friends because of how they make us feel and because there is some mutual advantage to having them.
Even in the apparent altruism of helping a friend, there is an element of selfishness, for in doing so, I feel good. I asked one friend for his definition of a friend. “Someone you can count on in a pinch,” he quickly said. I asked another friend. “Loyalty,” she said, with just as much certainty. Others mentioned consistency, sharing confidences, and thoughtfulness. “People you can do things you like with,” another said. “Those who would never cause you harm no matter what,” “unconditional love.”
Trustworthiness is another quality that is prized. And honesty – “Be honest and do no harm.” Yet that is precisely what occurs with friends, and if you know they sincerely care for you, you can accept the brutal truth. You know that what they say and do are with goodwill in mind. An important thing about a friend is that he or she wants to be and share with you, without considering what material gain may accrue from the relationship. A confusing factor is that some people today are taught to act like friends when manipulation is their only purpose. Salesmen of every kind are sometimes trained that way.
The statue that stands in front of Father Flanagan’s Boys Town depicts one boy carrying another. The caption beneath it reads, “He ain’t heavy, Father, he’s my brother.” That is the way it is with true friends. They are no burden when you carry them – no more so than carrying yourself would be. The burden carried by a friend is yours to share, and your burden is also his, for you know your fates are linked.
Friends can accept and appreciate us for who and what we are, and for what we share – values, work, location, school, some experience (Taekwon-Do), even other friends. We don’t have to explain ourselves to them, nor they to us. Friends know that in some basic way, they are just like we are, and that is what allows us to become so close. What, then, is the magical process by which a stranger becomes a friend? We need to look beyond the superficialities of manners, culture, and immediate design, for the ways in which we are all alike reside in a deeper layer. Beneath the surface, there is a potential friend in nearly every stranger.
I consider loyalty an important element to learn Taekwon-Do. We should be loyal to our Dojan as we are to our family and friends. Another important element necessary to learn Taekwon-Do is “Perseverance”. Perseverance is the continuous steady effort made to fulfill some aim. We must persevere in our training to become proficient at Taekwon-Do. We must not become discouraged because we are having some difficulty perfecting a technique or learning a pattern. Without consistent and dedicated training, the necessary skills will never be learned.
I find this tenet of Taekwon-Do very important to achieve. If we don’t persevere, we will never reach our goals. I came here eight months ago with a red belt and the knowledge of just eight Taegeuk. It was embarrassing when teachers and other colored belts asked me if I knew some other pattern or step sparring, and I said “NO.” Or when we had to do some partner work and I couldn’t help my partner practice because I didn’t know what or how to do it, or when an adult red belt refused to work with me because I didn’t know my 20-step movements.
At that moment, I felt horrible. I wanted to give up, but instead, I decided to try again and learn what I didn’t know. Getting a black belt seemed unreachable to me, but I was ready to learn and persevere as much as I can and do my best (at least to try). Finally, I made it through. Now I know what I didn’t know, and I can help my partner practice and perfect themselves. I can also help my partner when they don’t remember something. I still have a lot to learn, but I don’t feel embarrassed anymore, and I am ready for it.
