It was a Warm Saturday when my mom decided to take me to the beach. My mother had me dressed and ready for the beach within a hour. She dressed me in my favorite flamingo swimming trunks and my favorite Ed Hardy shirt. I went back to my room knowing what soon awaited… sun screen. I hated it, I hated the way she smeared it upon my nose. It made me look so odd as if I didn’t already stick out enough. I threw on a pair of yellow crocks. I asked for a normal color, but my mom thought those would look cute on me. She grabbed some money from her tip jar and packed her rusty Honda up.
The ride to the beach was awkwardly silent. Our trailer was about 20 minutes from the beach. We always took this back road that was full of debris. I guess when people got lazy they just recycled everything out the window, without a care in the world. The car swerved and I gave my mom a look. She turned to look at me and said ‘ The local bums hang out on this road at night. Sometimes they get too drunk and break bottles in the road. I swerved to avoid running into the broken glass. Lord knows I don’t have the money for a new tire’. I was listening but taking the same scenery that I have seen time after time.
Nothing has changed, I was not that excited when I seen the sign. I want to swim and splash with other kids, but I’m too fat to play with little kids. Its been 2 years since she said it but for some reason it is still fresh in my head. We unpacked the car and found a nice cozy spot. I made a comfortable place in the sand and planted myself. Taking the scenery in, I noticed a girl just laying in the sand. I contemplated speaking but she looked like she was sleeping. Her family was nearby playing in the water. 20 minutes go by and she is still laying in the same spot. I thought to myself, who takes naps directly on the sand.
My Mother pulled out her cup of ice tea and sipped while sun bathing. I glance back over at the girl when I heard a little boy scream for help. Her parents came running towards them and screamed her name. No response, a crowd drew around while they called 911 for assistance. Her mother screamed and shook her daughter. A brownie fell out of her hand. ‘Who gave her a fucking brownie?! She is allergic to nuts’, the mother screamed. Nobody said a word and played dumb but I had a feeling it was the couple who had left when her parents came over. ‘People are sick these days, and don’t take responsibility for their actions’, my mom quietly said to herself.
My mother gave me permission to take crocs off, while she took the time to spread out a big quilt for me to lay on. She offered me some food but I wasn’t very hungry. The sun began to beam and I could feel the heat burning my skin. I looked over to my mother, popping chips into her into her mouth. My mom sat up when she heard the sounds of the ambulance in the distance. It took a while for the ambulance to drive to the shore, across the sand. They assessed her and stabbed her with some bulky looking pin. 2 paramedics worked on her by doing CPR, while her family sobbed around them. Apparently they gained a weak pulse and she was ready to go. The mother got into the ambulance with the little girl, while her father grabbed the other kids and rushed to the car. A tall, tanned man came walking toward us.
He had the look of a veteran life guard. “Tragic, just tragic,” he said, and my mother agreed. He sat took a seat beside her, and quickly asked was it okay if her sat there. She told him she didn’t mind if he didn’t. Within 10 minutes they were out of their comfort zones in a full blown conversation. I sat and pretended to ignore them, but it was hard not to hear her talking about my father and how hard it is to take care of me. She could have left some parts out, being i was right there in her presence. The strange man invited her to take a walk along the coast, she accepted. My mother reached into her bag and pulled out a pail and bucket, and pretended like it was something new.
All to impress this strange man, I thanked her and went along with it. She gave me instructions to stay put until they came back.I didn’t feel like playing, so I started digging a hole. I watched them laugh, giggle, and hold hands as he splashed water on her. The clouds came out and it got a little chilly for a moment, it was almost noon. I made myself a sandwich and grabbed some chips. I wasn’t hungry but I ate it anyway, it made me feel a little better. I had been sitting alone for well over an hour but the food was still there with me. Another hour passed by and before I knew it I had eaten the last 6 pieces of bread and the last of the lunch meat.
My mom and her friend came back over to me hand in hand. They sat down and he pulled out 2 cigarettes for them to smoke. My mother turned around and looked at me as if she had forgotten I was there. She smiled at me and turned her attention back to the strange man. The strange man acknowledged me by complimenting the hole I had dug. They seemed so happy together but I didn’t expect him to stick around. My mother said ‘ The sun will make you quite hungry over time’. The strange man agreed while nodding his head. She reached into the beach bag only to find empty ziplock bags. My mother turned red in the face and I wasn’t sure if she was mad or embarrassed. “You ate all the food! That’s why they call you fat ass in school”, my mother shouted at me. She said a mouth full but I could not hear her over the lunch bell, which i was thankful for. The strange man said it was okay and they he would just go the beach store and grab some food from there.
That was not enough for my mom, she went on and on about it. I blocked her out of my mind and continued to dig my hole deeper, while avoiding eye contact with them. The afternoon had come and my mother still had not said anything to me. She was quiet until he invited her for ice cream. I assumed she would invite me but instead she left me behind. The sky had gotten darker and they still “Let’s go for ice cream,” he said. She jumped out with the quickness and took his hand. They were gone for a long time and it seemed like forever. All but one family was left, and they were packing up to leave and I was still here looking stupid.
They returned with no ice cream and we began to collect our things. Me and my mom started walking towards her car but for some reason he was still following us. An eerie feeling came over me, without him knowing, he came off as a creep. My mother asked her new friend where he lived. The weir guy told her that he stays at the local Motel 6 since his brother kicked him out. He said it was only because of his brother’s new fiancé, and they roommates before she came along. He said he left his belongings in a locked locker in the changing rooms. He laid it on real thick by telling her he came to the beach to clear his head then head to the motel. But he didn’t expect to meet such a beautiful woman while he was there.
My mother listened to him full of sympathy, and as soon as he became silent she said, “It would be a waste to check in now being it is already late now”. I glared hard at her because I knew she would end up doing something shady. She returned the look, but the look in her eyes told me she was unsure but was going to go through with whatever she decided. She shot one last look to me that meant don’t say a word, so I stood silently angry. She told the weird guy he could stay the night this one time. The weird guy turned down her offer in a voice full of sarcasm. My mom was being naive but even me at 9 could see he was a snake in the grass.
My mom ignored the obvious and he thanked her for the gesture, he went to get his things. And down the dirt path we went, they continued their conversation. I tried to tune them out, I was so angry I could cry. For once I felt the same resentment my mom had her heart against me, but in this time, it was the other way around. When we arrived, she rushed me to shower and head to bed. She quickly tucked me into bed and closed my door. I know she gets lonely, but this won’t be the only night she sleeps alone. I could hear them in there clinking beer bottles and laughing. I blocked them out and did my best to fall asleep in the darkness that surrounded me.
I woke up around 9 am that morning and walked to the kitchen for breakfast. My mother sat in middle of the living room floor crying, while she smoked a cigarette. I asked he where did he go, as if I could somehow chase him down. She turned to face me and the look on her face told it all. She went into the kitchen and started to cook breakfast. I looked at the table where our stereo once sat.
The cabinets and drawers were wide open, and stuff was everywhere. I instantly looked for the cookie jar that held her tips, but it was broken on the ground. My mom didn’t try to hide what happened, but I knew it would not be a I told you so type of thing. After we ate, my mother tried to cheer me up by asking if I’d like to try another day at the beach today since it was only Sunday. I honestly didn’t want to go anywhere near a beach after yesterday’s events. Anything to cheer her up or at least pretend to like everything was okay. We returned to the beach and sat in the same spot. I went right back to digging my deep hole that I pretended was an escape abyss. I made it so deep and wide that I could fit into with ease. For a moment I felt like I was normal like the other kids.
