In “Dealing with Feelings,” an article excerpted from a college textbook “Communicate!,” the author Rudolph F. Verderber indicates the best way to deal with feelings is by describing them rather than withholding or displaying them. The author explains, first, withholding feelings, hiding them inside and not giving any clue to their existence, is an inappropriate way of dealing with feelings.
Psychologists believe that when people withhold feelings, they can cause physical problems as well as psychological problems. However, when facing an inconsequential situation like being bothered by a stranger at a party, withholding feelings can be considered appropriate way. Second, displaying feelings – that is, expressing feelings with physical reaction, considered an appropriate way when the feelings you experience are positive. On the other hand, displays can be disadvantageous to communication when the feelings are negative although it may be good for you physically.
The last one, describing feelings, which is considered the best way to manage the feelings, is putting your feeling into words in a moderate way.Thus, people can be taught to how to treat you in a right way. Besides, it increases positive communications when you interpret the feelings by words. For instance, if you tell Paul that you are flattered by his visiting, you are encouraging Paul to come visit you again; likewise, if you tell Cliff you are angry when he borrows your jacket without permission, Cliff is more likely to ask for the next time.
Even though describing feelings is important, the author mentions that more and more people nowadays don’t describe their feelings and gives several reasons for that. The author also gives the steps to describing feelings; first, interpret your feelings properly and accurately by words, then state what triggered the feelings, and then make sure you indicate that the feelings are yours. It is easier to start by describing positive feelings, then negative feelings attributing to environmental conditions, and finally negative feelings resulting from interpersonal interactions.
