Greetings from the future how are things going one in the past? I’m sure you have a lot of things to do since you‘ve just moved to Tucson. It is almost the end of the semester here, and I wanted to improve one of the essays that you will write for the English class The essay I improved is a profile of the wallyball club at the University of Arizona. Well, you’ll do a good job writing the essay, but you‘ll kind of go out of topic talking about the game itself instead of the club or community So, the strategy I followed was to remove unnecessary information about the technical rules of the game to make the essay serves the prompt better For example, I deleted the sentence “to ensure the ball bounces back as fast as expected, there is a range in which the circumference and the weight of the ball should not exceed.” This sentence sounds too technical, and the information.
It is actually implied in the same paragraph. For example, when Murtadha, my interviewee, said “The ball itself is different. The wallyball is light and loud, which makes it easier to follow the ball after it hits the walls,” it makes it obvious that the ball will have to have some unique features in order for it to bounce back after it hits the ball. The part I added to the essay is a small paragraph about the Facebook page that the club created I did asked Murtadha about it during the interview, but for some reason I didn‘t include it in the essay, Considering that the Facebook page is a part of the community, I thought that adding it would balance the technical and untechnical parts of the essay. What demonstrates my point the most is the sentence: “If we have started communicating by email we wouldn’t have built this unformal relationship, which I think is the type of relationship students want to build.”
This is because it shows how the page have had affected the club and the relationship between the members. Moving on, I must tell you that you’ll face a lot of challenges and hard work, so keep that in mind. You’ll write a lot, and you‘ll be required to review your mates writings as well. But don’t worry, this will not be a waste of your time nor a source of distraction, reviewing your class mates’ essays will help you gain a new skill that you‘ll definitely need in the future; which is revising papers on global and local levels, and good news for you, you will gain this skill! Of course, you’ll need to provide a lot of effort at first. But then, you‘ll find yourself able to catch mistakes here and there, whether they are local or global! Way to go! However, you‘ll need more practice in giving feedback and suggestions Even when you become able to recognize things to be edited you‘ll have a hard time editing them, so make sure you work more on that point.
The third point on the third goal states that you should have the ability to suggest revisions by the end of the course, but I’m afraid to tell you that you will not reach that goal! Preventing this from happening is hard. What I would suggest for you to do and what I will do in future classes is to start writing feedback while you’re mate is present, Show them you’re work and ask whether they find it helpful or not. This way you get a clear opinion on how well you’re writing feedback. But things can get trickier than that! Each person might have different perspective on how they would like to receive feedback and suggestions. By keeping on asking people to evaluate you‘re feedback, you’ll eventually experience almost all opinions and you’ll be ready to review any paper with solid comments that satisfy multiple perspectives, Nothing more to say, just keep up the hard work and be ready to fight your way through the semester! Future Rawan is so proud of you!
