After the Khmer Rouge took control of Phnom Penh in 1975, the Ung family is confronted with obstacles in their efforts to stay together. The challenging journey becomes even more arduous due to hunger and fatigue. Over time, they become fragmented and suffer the heartbreaking loss of several beloved members, causing Loung Ung to reflect on the significance of “family”. In her memoir titled “First They Killed My Father”, Loung underscores the value of her family despite being forcefully separated and their necessity to start anew.
Loung Ung remains devoted to her family and recognizes its significance in her life, despite experiencing losses and separations. She illustrates the impact of deaths and atrocities on her family, but her understanding of the importance of family remains unchanged. At just five years old, Loung Ung lived in Phnom Penh with six siblings as the daughter of a government official. They resided in a decent apartment and were regarded as upper-middle class individuals in Cambodian society.
Ung’s family, residing in Phnom Penh with her mother, father, and six siblings, possesses several advantages that distinguish them from other lower-class Cambodians. In her memoir, Ung makes an effort to depict her family as a typical American middle-class household. She frequently emphasizes their “middle-class” status to persuade others. Nonetheless, upon closer scrutiny of their wealth, it becomes clear that within Cambodian society they are classified as part of the upper class. Ung acknowledges their middle-class standing based on their apartment and possessions (7).
Her goal is to present her family as a typical American family, with possessions like two telephones, a full-time maid, two cars, a truck, and valuable “antique jewelry” owned by her mother (146). In Cambodia during the genocide, these belongings were rare and she didn’t realize that she was portraying her family as wealthier than they truly were. However, she did acknowledge that her family had a higher economic status compared to most of society.
At the age of five, Loung Ung looks up to her older siblings, especially her eldest brother Meng. She has a deep affection for all her siblings, regardless of their age. Their father is employed while their mother takes care of the children and manages the household. They have hired a nanny who visits their home daily to assist with tasks such as laundry, cooking, and cleaning (15). Loung notes that she does not have to do any chores because their maid takes care of them (15). Due to this perspective, she views family dynamics in a way where she idolizes those older than her simply because she remains unaware of anything different.
In her memoir, Loung Ung recounts the daily activities she shares with her family. She treasures the moments spent with her mother, particularly their rides in a cyclo together. These rides bring her immense joy and amusement as they navigate through the busy city streets. Loung sits on her mother’s lap during these rides and feels a deep sense of connection. In addition to this, Loung eagerly anticipates joining her parents and siblings at a noodle shop for breakfast each day.
Although it is usually her mother who reprimands Loung for misbehavior, she holds great respect for her mother’s authority. One instance that showcases this is when her mother scolds Loung to sit still and questions why she is unable to do so.
Initially, Loung depicts her normal life as a five-year-old in Phnom Penh at the beginning of her memoir. Despite being deemed a troublesome child, she obeys her mother’s reprimands and behaves accordingly. Nevertheless, everything alters when Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge army invades Phnom Penh in April 1975. Loung and her family are compelled to abandon their privileged existence and conceal themselves. This abrupt disruption is initially challenging for Loung to grasp.
She inquires about various matters, mainly addressing her father, questioning the reasons behind everything that is happening. One instance of her curiosity is regarding the soldiers stationed at Kom Bol base. Upon asking her father if they will return home soon, he advises her to not dwell on it and keep moving forward. Frustrated, Loung becomes tearful and pleads with her father, “I don’t know why we have to save it… Let’s just go home. I want to go home” (29). Despite tears rolling down her cheeks and anguish in her eyes, her father shows a composed reaction and fetches her a portion of sticky rice to eat. Loung appreciates his calm demeanor, although she feels ashamed for expressing her grievances.
He informs her that the soldiers have deceived her, causing her to trust him unquestioningly. Being a young girl enduring Pol Pot’s regime, she struggles to fully grasp her country’s economic and political state. Nonetheless, she comprehends enough to understand that people are being executed due to the government and that her family must lie in order to stay alive. As they are moved from one camp to another, one base to another, life becomes increasingly difficult, food becomes scarce, and the Pol Pot army intensifies its killings.
Loung’s first traumatic experience, apart from losing her sister, is the death of her father. She expresses her sorrow, stating, “Keav, and now Pa, one by one, the Khmer Rouge is killing my family” (107). Loung develops a deep hatred towards Pol Pot and his army, praying for her father’s return and cursing Pol Pot. Ma’s optimism only strengthens Loung’s anger (108). She conveys, “To have hope is to let parts of myself die. To have hope is to mourn his absence and acknowledge the emptiness in my soul without him” (108). Throughout the memoir, Loung grieves her father’s death and longs for his presence more than anything.
Loung’s immediate concern for her mother, Ma, arises from her profound respect for her parents. Loung acknowledges that her father, Pa, has always been a source of support for Ma. Despite their losses, the family is ultimately compelled to separate. Realizing the impossibility of their survival as a unit, Ma decides to send her children in different directions and chooses to remain with Geak herself. Consequently, Loung undergoes training as a child soldier in an orphan work camp while her siblings are dispatched to labor camps. Although she experiences increasing isolation, Loung never relinquishes hope of being reunited with her family.
After the deaths of her father, mother, and sister, the remaining members of the Ung family are left to fend for themselves. It is only when the Vietnamese overthrow the Khmer Rouge that Loung and her surviving siblings slowly reunite. Despite being forced into a new life on their own, the Ung children manage to find a new family to live with. As she continues her journey each day, Loung holds onto memories of her father, mother, Keav, and Geak in her heart. Her love for them remains steadfast. However, as time passes, her resentment towards her initial foster family intensifies.
This new family will never truly resemble Loung’s original family. Despite her dislike for her new mother, she still obeys her and follows her instructions. Therefore, her understanding of family has changed. It is now about her own family rather than any other. She constantly compares her family dynamics to those of others and is continuously let down. Accepting that her family will never be whole again is a challenge for her. Loung plans to go to America in order to start fresh and eventually bring the rest of her family back with her.
Although Loung loses her home, her sisters, and both of her parents, her concept of family remains consistent. She constantly contrasts the privileged life she had in Phnom Penh with the challenging one she endured under the Khmer Rouge regime. Despite the circumstances, Loung is inspired by her brother’s astonishing bravery and finds solace in her sister’s compassionate demeanor amidst the brutality. She perseveres to establish a fearless new life without abandoning the memories of her past. Throughout her struggle for survival, she remains devoted to herself and her family.
