My name is Melinda Nampiima Kiwanuka. I am 16 years old and was born on 04/07/87. I am a born again Christian and a dedicated member of Liberty Christian Fellowship, which is a Pentecostal church.
Within my close circle of friends, there is a range of ages. I am the youngest member, while Sharpe holds the title of oldest at 30 years old. Peter and I share the same age of 18, but he follows Sharpe in terms of seniority. The remaining individuals in our cherished friend group include Arnold (19), Edgar (20), Julie (23), Paidah (25), Brenda (27), and Nicholas/Nicky (29). Although we are not all blood relatives, our bond is incredibly strong due to my upbringing in a large family with eight siblings. Expressing our profound affection for one another can sometimes be challenging. As a young black African woman, my cultural heritage holds great significance to me.
Despite the challenges it presents, I am grateful for my extensive understanding of life, which exceeds what is considered necessary. This knowledge brings me closer to achieving wisdom, my ultimate goal. Instead of complaining about the many hardships I have faced, I embrace them as opportunities to strengthen my character. Rejecting societal expectations, I believe in God’s superior wisdom.
In my earlier years, my mother, sister, and I functioned as a united front. Sadly, when I was five years old, my father passed away and my memories of him are limited. It is often said that girls who grow up without their fathers are haunted by an everlasting internal void.
Throughout my childhood, I grew up in the presence of a large family. Although not all of them are blood relatives, the connection between two strangers can sometimes be even stronger than that between individuals who share genetic ties. Interestingly, my maternal grandfather had 28 siblings, my biological father’s father had 20 siblings, and my stepfather’s father surpasses them all with an astonishing 40 siblings. As a result, I have countless cousins whom I haven’t yet met or even heard about. It is frequently emphasized by my mother that anyone can fulfill the role of a father but it takes a truly exceptional man to be considered as a daddy. Personally, I’ve never viewed my biological father as anything more than someone who played his part in contributing his sperm.
I want to emphasize that I never harbored anger or bitterness towards him regarding his death. It is unjust to hold someone responsible for their own demise. Despite our lack of wealth, my childhood was gratifying. My mother exerted considerable effort and still found a way to support us. I perceive myself as a resilient African woman because I strive to imitate her admirable traits.
In all our various pursuits, we received abundant support and motivation. Like most children, our desires and aspirations frequently shifted. However, my mother as well as my brother’s mother, who played the role of our second parent, always maintained their dedication to propel and inspire us. Caren, who is my father’s partner, has another child besides my brother, and my mother also gave birth to my sister and me. Altogether, the five of us were quite a handful, each with our own significant demands.
Despite living in different cities, my brother, his siblings, my sister, and I managed to maintain a strong bond and spend weekends together. Despite having many disagreements during our childhood, we eventually learned to accept each other’s uniqueness while still preserving a close family connection. Although our parents may not have always met our immediate needs and desires, they made sure that we never lacked anything. In the end, despite any imperfections in our family dynamics, everything worked out well for all of us.
..right? Incorrect. There were occasional difficulties when our mothers had disagreements, when money was completely lacking, when traumatic events took place, when the choices made by one person affected everyone’s life.
I cannot fully describe all the experiences we endured, but I can affirm that happiness truly arrives in the morning and the journey involves entering, traveling, and exiting. The initial stages of this process are challenging, but the reward of acquiring new knowledge, gaining greater wisdom, and experiencing incredible enlightenment upon exiting is undeniably valuable. This is perhaps why people say that surviving difficult situations only makes a person stronger. Allow me to discuss a particular family member’s decision, the resulting consequences, the trials faced, and the enlightenment gained from it.
During my dad’s lifetime, he was not considered part of the family. Despite our deep love for him, my sister, brother, and I were the only ones who acknowledged our strong bond. Our mom and Caren argue that he was merely physically there without any mental or emotional connection. I agree with this because my memories of when my dad was with us are unclear, and he does not play a significant role in those blurry recollections. According to official records, his death certificate states March 1993, but my mom insists it should be 1991 as it marks the beginning of his spiritual hibernation.
Even though my father was not present, I still felt safe and cared for within my family. Additionally, I had a close relationship with my father’s extended family who accepted all seven of us as a unit. Participating in church events has consistently brought me joy, and I have actively participated in them. Since I was a baby, I went to Hounslow Evangelical church; however, my mother later introduced us to Fountains of Life Pentecostal church where my spiritual journey began.
My uncle was the head pastor in a church and Pastor Charles Kayiwa served as the deputy pastor. Pastor Charles Kayiwa lived in Sweden for a significant period before moving to support my uncle’s church. I especially enjoyed FL because I had the opportunity to see my cousins Lillian, Audrey, and Emmanuel every week. Additionally, FL was renowned for its vibrant atmosphere, which is crucial in keeping the congregation engaged during the service. However, what intrigued me most about FL was Pastor Charles Kayiwa, also known as Paddy, who undoubtedly stood out as the most entertaining and captivating person I had ever encountered. It is now evident that family plays an incredibly important role in the lives of those close to me.
Every month on the third Thursday, my mother and uncle meet for a meal and conversation. These gatherings always include a guest, making them possible. Despite their differences – my mother is tall with a light complexion from the Caribbean, while Paddy is short with a dark complexion from Africa – they both continue to uphold this tradition.
Even though they had important similarities, both of them were single and without a partner, and both of them were alone…
At the age of 8, I made a discovery along with Lillian, who was 13. This occurred when my mom informed us that she could not have lunch with us due to her cold. Lillian’s dad happened to overhear our conversation.
It was clear that we were not flawless Disney actors following a meticulously planned script detailing the master plan, the resulting events, and our lines, as everything went awry. Lillian’s father contacted Paddy to inform him that lunch was canceled, leaving my mother stranded at the Chinese restaurant by herself, waiting for them. Paddy called to check on how my mother was doing, and I had a mental breakdown. I began to panic and worry about the consequences I would face.
Feeling regretful, I didn’t join my sister and cousins at the play club on Saturday. I had to admit my absence to Paddy, who found it quite funny since he wasn’t at risk of being grounded indefinitely. Paddy promptly went to explain the situation to our mom. Anxiously waiting for her return, I eventually fell asleep before she came back.
The following day, which happened to be a Sunday, our family attended church. What made this particular weekend significant was the visit of my siblings and their mother from Manchester. The Sunday school had organized a special event that added even more significance to the day. Lillian confided in me that she noticed a strong bond between our mother and Paddy, but Audrey disagreed with us and believed it was all in our imagination. However, as time went on, it became clear that Audrey was mistaken because just half a year later Paddy pleasantly surprised my mother with an engagement party.
It was strange when my mum saw a crowd of people in the church hall. She initially thought it was a fellowship meeting, but it turned out that Paddy had planned a surprise proposal for her. Mum said yes, and the gathering suddenly transformed into an engagement party. She got changed into a black and gold dress, which Paddy took credit for even though it was actually chosen by my aunt. As she proudly wore her engagement ring, the banner was dropped, and my world completely changed.
Initially, I felt joy for them, but my other cousins influenced me with skepticism. As the story unfolds, you will witness how this doubt blossomed into a malevolent tree. Numerous older cousins and friends reassured me about the imminent changes. They warned that when Paddy became my father, he would lose his fun-loving nature. They claimed he would become strict and villainous, ultimately separating my mother from me.
My brother and I received the same information, which made him unhappy and he didn’t hesitate to express his feelings. Despite not being biologically related, my brother considers my mother as his true and significant mother. The wedding occurred on December 21, 1996. Naturally, the preparations for the wedding were chaotic, but the actual ceremony was splendid. My mom often mentions that in life there are both advantages and disadvantages. She believes that by emphasizing the benefits and entrusting any drawbacks to God, life becomes easier.
Throughout the first four years of our marriage, I deeply regret not following that counsel. Our close-knit family encountered challenges while adapting to the presence of a new member. At first, everyone was welcoming and inclusive, except for my brother who insisted on maintaining his position as the dominant male. Over time, we all grew protective of our positions in our mother’s life and our individual duties within the family.
There were disputes and conflicts, resulting in my stepdad facing immense challenges. While my mother deeply cared for him, her devotion to us, her children, led her to instinctively defend us. The situation was particularly difficult for my sister and me, as he resided in our household. However, our other siblings were mostly shielded from the turmoil, living in different cities.
Throughout the week, my mother and I were in charge of taking care of the house. However, when it came to weekends, it was my brother’s duty. One day after school, upon arriving home, I noticed that my dresser had been delivered and was placed in its box near the front door. The anticipation for this moment had been building up for weeks; thus, I eagerly wanted to begin assembling it without delay.
As soon as my mum arrived, I eagerly took her to my room with excitement. We wasted no time and opened the box, spending three to four days working together on different D.I.Y projects. Over the weekend, my brothers also joined us in assisting with any challenges we faced while assembling our new furniture.
This time, my mum and I encountered a problem and sought assistance from my step dad. He skillfully resolved the issue, which made me feel inadequate. While he brought joy and pride to my mum, his actions left me feeling repulsed. It violated my rights and deviated from what was expected.
We were supposed to wait anxiously until Carl and Lee arrived to relieve our distress. I angrily rushed to the bathroom and cried. I had a huge tantrum and demanded attention, as expected, receiving it. I caused a spectacle and proclaimed that from now on “he” could take care of all the “fixy stuff” (as I referred to it) since he was so knowledgeable. And as requested, he did so. When I returned home the next day, I discovered my lovely new dresser repaired and filled with my underwear and miscellaneous items.
He was completely unaware of my jealousy and insecurity, mistakenly thinking he had done something good. Looking back, I realize he was naïve to accept all of that from a child. I erupted in anger and demanded that he leave our home.
My mum returned home to discover her husband outside the apartment with fragments of the newly bought dresser. Although my mother has been angry with me many times before, when she switches to her strict mode, I know I’m in serious trouble. As a consequence, I was grounded for three weeks, and only my best friend was permitted to enter the house, besides immediate family members. Initially, I considered this punishment torture, but upon reflection, I realized that my best friend was the only person, aside from my relatives (including cousins), who ever visited my house.
Back in September 1997, my mum surprised us by announcing her pregnancy. We were all taken aback, never having considered that her marriage could mean a new sibling for us. Once the initial shock wore off, everyone went into overdrive. Each day brought something new for the baby, who even received more Christmas presents than us – and it hadn’t even been born yet.
Throughout my mother’s pregnancy, we made a deliberate attempt to prevent any disagreements or tension in order to ensure her comfort. We collaborated as a family towards this objective and, in doing so, forged a closer connection with my stepfather. Despite some initial reservations from my brother Carl, he managed to maintain a respectful demeanor. Both Latisha and Maureen easily developed affection for my stepfather after witnessing the approval of their older siblings. Eventually, we gave Paddy the freedom to express his authentic self, which led to him consistently entertaining us.
By using humor and making us laugh, he won over our love and backing. In addition to providing for our financial necessities when my mother couldn’t work anymore, he also ensured we were safely escorted from school. As time passed, I lost interest in physical tasks like D.I.
I was deeply engrossed in my mother’s pregnancy, eager to experience every moment. Thankfully, Caren took care of most of the household chores, freeing me from any responsibilities. Even my younger sisters were happy to assist. However, when the new closet for the baby arrived, it remained unassembled in boxes for weeks, despite my mother’s pleas for my stepfather and me to put it together.
During my mother’s 6th or 7th month of pregnancy, the strong African woman vibe took hold and we came back from our Saturday outing at the park to discover the fully assembled and positioned closet. On 14 May 1998, our baby sister Meshazabel came into the world. She was incredibly spirited and untamed, leaving us no time to engage in arguments. All of a sudden, we all had something that brought us closer to our step dad.
And everything was fine. We continued to argue like any typical family, although we were anything but typical. The arrival of the baby put an end to our petty conflicts and set us on a path of love, peace, unity, and happiness.
Most importantly, Mesha’s presence provided us with the motivation to handle all negative situations in a constructive manner, aiming to give her a positive start in life.
It is effortless to love those who have always held significance in your life, such as friends and family members. However, it requires a truly loving heart to welcome someone new into that circle and trust them to become one with you. Overcoming doubts and fears is essential for making loved ones’ dreams come true.
We all wanted my mother to be happy and most of us were willing to assist her in fulfilling her needs. However, no one anticipated the extent to which we would have to sacrifice and trust. Nevertheless, despite the difficulty, our love for our mother compelled us to also embrace her husband. Carl remains the head of the household, but now he has a partner by his side.
I am still the D.I.Y director, however he is my assistant. Caren is still my mom’s best friend, but she is now my mom’s husband. We are still a family, and he is now part of our family as well.
