The parenting style a parent decides to use to discipline the children can have either a positive or negative effect on the children. In the story The Ditchdigger’s Daughter by Yvonne S. Thornton, Thornton tells the story of how her parents parented her throughout her childhood. Thornton’s parents use a parenting style called authoritative parenting in which parents establish rules and guideline that their children are expected to follow. As authoritative as the Thorntons is, they are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions about why they act the way they do towards their children as their parents.
As parents they want their children to be self-confident as well as socially responsible and cooperative. When it comes to parenting there are many styles that parents use when parenting their children and each style can have an effect on their children as they grow. From my personal observation there are parents who have a way of parenting which they believe is effective for their children, but in reality it may have a negative effect on their children. Also, in the article, “My Parents”, Richard Rodriguez’s parenting style can be classified as permissive due to fewer standards and rules that they input in their household.
Authoritative parents expect the best from the their children, making them self-confident; authoritarian parents can have an existential or mental effect, and permissive parents can turn out children with a lack of self-confidence, which can have a negative or positive effect on their children, as will be shown using examples from The Ditchdigger’s Daughters, “My Parents” and my personal observation. Authoritative parenting is a style that can have a positive effect on children as they grow older. As authoritative parents they establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow at all times.
As parents they are there to encourage their children’s independence and listen to their children’s opinion and be open to discuss their thoughts about their children’s concerns. There are limits to the consequences and expectations when it comes to their children’s behavior. Parents administer consistent and fair discipline. There are positive effects that take place when parents use the authoritative parenting style with their children. It opens their children to have self-confidence as they know that they have the ability to learn new skills such as social skills.
Their children also tend to have a happier disposition and good emotional control. For example, the Thorntons as parents implemented rules and standards that they expected to be followed by their daughters. As for the girl’s education their parents did not accept anything less than an A because as parents they know that their daughters are capable of doing more than what is expected of them. None of the girls are disciplined differently in any way as they have parental conversation with their daughters on what as parents they expect from them when they have done wrong, but as children they do not agree with their parents.
Donald Thornton, the father, and Tass Thornton, mother of Donna, Jeanette, Yvonne, Rita, and Linda, are against their daughter’s opinions, but they always take time to listen to what they think. Mr. and Ms. Thornton knows that the way of discipline they implement on them will pay off as they grow up to be doctors and have a brighter future. Parents like the Thorntons know what is best for their children and what kind of discipline it takes to push them to be better people as they grow older. In, The Ditchdiggers Daughters, Thornton writes, “Practice and study. Study and practice. That’s all we did.
Friends, dates, social life, none of these existed for us”. This shows that their parents wanted them to just focus on studying without distraction as their dad knows they are capable of becoming doctors. The Thornton daughters also have a band which allows them to raise money for college and study in between breaks and it pays off at the end as they become doctors. Authoritarianism a style of parenting that has a very negative effect on their children as they grow into their adolescence. Children are expected to follow strict rules that are established by their parents. Parents are demanding, they do not express warmth to their children.
Punishment is utilized with no explanation and their children’s opinion and choices do not concern their parents because things go the way their parents want things to go. An existential effect takes place as children grow and develop low self esteem because they feel that they are not being heard because they are deemed unworthy of having a say in their life. Children lack trust for other people around them because they become suspicious of the good intention and affection due to them being used to earning their love of living up to the rules that are established upon them.
There are also emotional effects such as learning that showing emotions can be dangerous and can get them into trouble. Also, bad feelings are not acceptable because they have no skills in dealing with difficult emotions and frustrations. For example, from my personal observation , I have seen how my aunt is not nurturing with her child. Her child Hector has a difficult time receiving affection from family members that offer it to him because he is used to earning it by following the standards and rules that my aunt has established in her household.
Every time my cousin wants to tell her something she answers by saying, “I do not want to hear it,” which makes him less expressive with his opinions and thoughts. Hector feels that he does not have the right to an opinion in life. Parents that use this type of parenting need to improve their way of parenting because it’s affecting the way their children are growing up where their opinion counts and affection is not something that is always earned. Permissive parenting is a style that can have a negative effect on the children.
Permissive parents have very few demands to make of their children. The parents have very few rules and standards that their children are expected to follow and if there are rules, they are often very inconsistent because they have low expectations. They are the parents that are nurturing to their children and seem more as a friend than a parent. There are times when permissive parents use bribery such as toys, gifts and food as a means for their children to behave themselves.
Negative effects play a role in the children’s lives as they grow such as lack of self-discipline and social skills. The children become self-involved, demanding, and feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance. For example, in the article, “My Parents”, Rodriquez discusses how his parents have low expectations of him as they did not go to school and pursue an education, but still pay for school for him to get a better education because probably that will encourage him to pursue a career.
As he sees that his parents did not go on to major in a career, he feels insecure due to not having a guidance to rely on and follow their steps in life. Rodriquez seems to be self-involved as he is ashamed of his parents for not having a good occupation in life. As parents, they need to push for their children to be better than them and not just let them be to see if they become someone in life. Parenting styles such as authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive have a positive or negative effect on their children.
The authoritative parenting style has a positive effect on children as they turn out to be self-confident as their parents teach them to be independent and that as they grow they have to support themselves and not rely on others. Authoritarian has a negative effect having both existential and emotional effect. Existential effect is when they have low self-esteem and feel as if they do not have the right to an opinion as they were raised to follow what they are told, but not say anything.
An emotional effect is when an individual is not able to handle dealing with their emotions. Permissive is a style of parenting that has a negative effect on the children as they grow up. A few rules and standards that are established by parents are expected to be followed, but they come with low expectations. Their children turn out to feel insecure as they do not have guidance to which they can relate to an individual succeeding in life in pursuing a career. Parenting styles have their ups and downs as to how the parent’s child is going to turn out to be in life.