Death is never a welcomed guest in any setting because it never brings good tidings to a family. Many people would argue that death alleviates an individual’s suffering because it takes away the pain. Losing a loved one is never easy because of the void it leaves; people remain behind wondering what they could have done better to help the situation. However, one thing is clear; the pain that comes with death is unbearable. It takes strength to deal with it. People always say time heals everything; however, time or reason can never change the way an individual feels over the loss of a loved one (Rostila, Maki, & Martikainen, 2018).
Mythologists and theologists have defined the nature of death. The essential thing to remember is that death is a universal ordeal that affects everyone despite his or her religion, gender, and location. Death, at times, plays a role in ending the misery of some people. These mainly consist of the terminally ill people undergoing unprecedented pain.
However, it would be naïve to lose sight of the fact that it creates a window for more pain for the people left behind when a loved one dies. The survivors will experience some level of trauma regardless of the nature and age of death. The death of children is one of the worst experiences a person can ever go through as a child. Over 57,000 children die in the US under the age of 19 annually (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, & Hong, 2008). This type of death is never kind to a parent, and it leaves an eternal mark on the people left behind. They remain with lasting grief together with the trauma that makes it difficult to cope with life. It may be difficult to comprehend such kind of a loss, but a parent in this situation knows precisely what it feels like. This paper looks at the effects of losing a child on parents and their plight as they try to deal with such losses.
The loss of a friend or family member always raises the issue of fear of death because of the way it takes a loved one away. Many people develop a defensive mechanism against death because of the denial that comes with the loss. Consequently, people fall short of recognizing the implications of death despite its inevitable nature (Rostila, Maki, & Martikainen, 2018). Bereaved parents, for instance, face a range of challenges immediately they lose a child. They have to endure dynamic grief that is intense and overwhelmingly pervasive. Universally, death is a sad occasion for everyone, but the loss of a child is an even worse experience. A study by Ami Moore on bereaved parents revealed that parental bereavement is more stressful than spousal or sibling bereavement. This research shows that people find it easier to lose another family member as long as it is not a child (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, & Hong, 2008).
The grief that comes due to losing a child is a chain of intense reactions that extends beyond the prevailing situation to more significant risks on the health of the individual. For example, depression and elongated grief disorder accompany the loss of a child. Depression is a complicated journey of sadness and sorrow that arises in the wake of the loss of a loved one. It is one of the multiple health risks through which bereaved parents go soon after their loss. They undergo episodes of crying, adjustment difficulties, apathy, loneliness, and hostility in the process of trying to ignore their pain (Zheng, Thomas, & Anderson, 2017). According to a study by a Finnish Department of public health science on the use of anti-depressant medication, 902 out of 205, 456 parents had lost a child between 1996 and 2012 (Rostila, Maki, & Martikainen, 2018). These statistics show the severity of losing a child and its impacts on the bereaved parents as they try to cope.
The researchers studied the bereaved parents for four years and noticed a consistent trend among the population. The rate of their usage of anti-depressant drugs was 20-25% for mothers, while that of fathers was 10-15%. The rate of usage of these medications for non-grieving parents was 5-10% (Rostila, Maki, & Martikainen, 2018). It is essential to note that other preexisting conditions could be a predisposing factor to the use of these drugs, including a history of depression and gender. According to another research, about 83% of bereaved parents with a history of depression had experienced the condition within three years of bereavement (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, & Greenberg, 2008). Coping with the loss of a child is no mean feat, and parents undergo all forms of psychological torture. The mechanisms to deal with the problem could be limited in many cases, and this creates a fertile ground for stress and, eventually, depression.
The loss of a child also leads to a condition known as prolonged grief disorder, which is lengthy dilapidating grief. It prohibits the bereaved parents from going back to the emotional state in which they were before the loss. It elongates the return period to the pre-loss emotional state as well as the acceptance of the reality. The symptoms of this condition include long-term maladaptive behavior, inability to accept the loss easily, emotional paralysis, and reduced self-esteem (Zheng, Thomas, & Anderson, 2017). According to research, a mother is at an elevated risk of falling into prolonged grief following the death of a child (M Hussin & Azman, 2016). According to the same research, parents who have lost children are at a higher rate of prolonged grief than other people diagnosed with different losses (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, & Greenberg, 2008). The DSM does not consider prolonged grief as a mental disorder but as a condition that may warrant clinical attention. However, various research findings argue that it meets the required criteria to fall into that category by the APA’s DSM standards (Rostila, Maki, & Martikainen, 2018).
Researchers in China conducted a non-probabilistic study on 33 older adults consisting of men aged 50-55 and women aged 50-53 years old. According to the findings of the study, the effect of prolonged, intense grief led to an elongated depression among the bereaved. The numbers stood at 53% for the bereaved, also known as shiuders against 18% for the non-bereaved. According to the same findings, the rates of prolonged depression were higher in women than in men. The figures were at 41% for women and 25.3% for men, showing a higher effect on women than on men (Zheng, Thomas, & Anderson, 2017). Similar research showed that the level of grief lasted longer in the bereaved than it did in other losses. The findings revealed a consistent characteristic where bereaved parents showed symptoms of grief over 18 years after their loss (M Hussin & Azman, 2016).
The five-stage grief notion that has become popular over the years does not necessarily apply to every parent. The loss of a child entails up a double loss to some people as it involves losing a legacy together with a future. The death of a child in these cases goes against the natural order of the progression of life. The loss leads to severe grief reactions as every person takes the loss differently from the other. This process leads to changes in the family setup that might lead to long-lasting problems for the bereaved. The effects lead to some consequences that stretch to the life of the family, causing strains on relationships. According to the non-probabilistic study on the 33 parents above, there was a section on divorce questionnaires. The findings revealed that 16% of the bereaved parents were divorced after their losses while the non-bereaved parents recorded 0% cases (Zheng, & Anderson, 2017).
Gender differences and effective communication in the process of coping play a significant role in avoiding strains in relationships. The parents in a given situation find different ways of expressing their grief. The men usually try to alienate the pain and deal with it from inside. Women, on the other hand, deal with the pain of the loss by crying a lot and seek to talk as a way of seeking security and comfort from their partners. They also resort to the use of other social networks as other forms of resources to eliminate their pain. The need to talk by women has a close connection to religion and culture. The essence of communication in the family setup decides the fate of the relationship on many occasions. The level of communication here could either improve the relationship or make it deteriorate, depending on how the bereaved couple handles it.
The spouses are the pillar of comfort and support for each other in times of grief as they help each other recover from their loss (M Hussin & Azman, 2016). The research reported a high divorce rate in cases of the death of a child as compared to the usual conditions; they stand as high as eight times for the bereaved parents do over the norm (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, & Greenberg, 2008). Mental health professionals have provided data to support the claims of higher divorce rates in bereaved families. Moreover, other researchers and a few groups of clinicians supported these claims. They used data to indicate the signs of marital strains and challenges in relationships. These occurrences came following the loss of a child, and this further proves that such losses have a long-lasting effect on the parent.
Life is a pleasant experience, and everyone wants to live. Death, on the other hand, is a painful ordeal whose transition is problematic. Death might mark the beginning of a peaceful journey for some people, devoid of problems. However, it might start the phase of endless pain to other people. The death of a child is more painful and devastating than any other thing because it brings immeasurable suffering. The bereaved parents undergo a challenging phase with an enduring residual grief form elaborating on their lives. They go through emotional pain accompanied by physical reactions that define the way their future turns out. Society, at times, lacks the understanding of grief, and this stops them from providing support to bereaved parents. Some parents drown in a sea of complicated grief that leads to more significant health risks and dysfunctional families that might continue to their death.
