The feeling of belonging is universal; regardless of race, culture, or background. No matter what you want to be a part of, there’s always this desire to belong to something bigger than yourself, This could be anything from wanting to be a part of the “in-crowd” at school to wanting to blend in with the fashion of your city or town. For me, that “something“ was and always will be the male-dominated sport of basketball. As a kid, I always stuck out like a sore thumb While other girls my age were learning how to double~dutch, I was playing two hand touch football with all of the little boys on the block While my friends were trying to look cute to impress the boys, I was making fun of how bad they sucked at basketball. Growing up, there was a collection of basketball courts literally all around me, but my favorite was the one-sided coun that was on the grounds of my gated community, I would wake up every day and go in there. I’d either play by myself or with a group of boys that had already been out there balling.
Being that I was a girl on the court, (and the only girl at that) no one wanted me on their team automatically assuming i couldn’t play, After one side was forced to put me on their team, 1 would usually start off with a slow pace I disregarded any space the defense would give me because I knew it was out of pity and not wanting to embarrass the girl on the court, “Remember, she‘s a girl so take it easy on her.“ I heard one of the boys say before the game started. After a few possessions [would start to turn up the heat; demanding the ball, commanding my team and making shots despite of the sudden rise in defense. My team would usually win shortly thereafter and once the game was finished, all of the boys came up to me saying things like, “good game.”
“Yo you’re nice!” “You got a nice Iiljump shot,” The bad part about all of this was after I proved myself to be just as good as all the boys Ijust played with, the compliments/insults began to roll in, Due to their mixed emotion nature, I nicknamed these comments “complisults.” These statements consisted of the most hated phrase ever known to the female athlete, “for a girl.” This was always a major shot to my pride. I was already preoccupied with the fact that I was the only girl playing even though that was turned into a positive by my in-game performance; all of this was shot down by these “complisults” that took me right out of the feeling that I might finally belongr Later on in life, I began to play basketball for my middle school. I finally felt like I found my place in the world. It was like I found an amazing part of me I never knew could exist. I was surrounded by intelligent, basketball-loving, like-minded females who weren‘tjust my teammates and friends; they were my family away from home.
They became the people that helped form my identity along with one of the best coaches I’ve ever had. His name was Ralph Ammirati. He helped me to develop my love for the game. Subsequently forming love for myself that I never thought I would have Before playing ball in middle school, I was a lot like Amy Tan in “Fish Cheeks.” Except my “slim new American nose” was basketball and my “blond—haired boy [named] Robert” was being comfortable within myself and not being ashamed of who I am as a whole. My life revolved around basketball and the team I was playing with, That was my place and as long as I was there and I belonged, everything in my life would be ok. For the first two years in high school, in terms of basketball, everything was great and I still had my place in the world, My second year on JV I was even made captain because my team looked up to me.
They respected me as a person, as a ball player, and as a leader. Now not only did I feel like I belonged but I felt needed and] felt important. The team to which I belonged now turned to me for guidance and I never wanted to steer them wrong, I was now in a position to help other people gain this sense of belonging and guide them onto a path they felt in their hearts was where they needed to be. This was a major focal point in my life because it opened my eyes to how important being accepted and being a part of something was notjust to me but to everyone in the world. All of this took a turn for the worst when I went into my junior year of high school. It was time for me to move up to varsity and I was honestly excited about the whole endeavor. I could finally show my stuff to the coach who recruited me from middle school and make sure he knew just how happy I was to play for him.
The first week of school I went to speak with him about me moving up and he told me that he wasn’t taking me on the varsity team. And just like that, my world shattered. I finally found my place in the world and there he was standing at 7 feet tall telling me that my place, my safe haven, my world was no longer that so I had to find something else to do, I didn’t take it sitting down of course. I fought for my spot that I well deserved and earned from freshman year up until now. He was forced to put me on the team but after the debacle that had taken place to get there, my safe haven wasn’t safe anymore It was tainted with mistrust among me and my teammates and a sense of non-belief in me from everyone that mattered, including myself After that it was soaked pillows and runny noses until the day I graduated, I sat on the bench all junior year and senior year I decided that I would just play flag football and give up on what I thought was my place of belonging because no matter how hard I tried, it seemed I could never earn the respect and the acceptance 1 proved myself to be worthy of.
“I knew what the women had been through to get their hair ready to be rdone’. . .How that kink could be transformed through grease and fire into that magnificent head of wavy hair was a miracle to me and still is,” This quote from “In the Kitchen” by Henry Louis Gates, Jr, was exactly how I felt every day looking into the mirror at myself. Such a prospect with so much potential waiting to be shaped into the best player I could be after a summer of preparation for my last year playing high school basketball.I was hoping this would be my time to show the coach and the team that I was good enough and that I belonged there; that this wasn’t a mistake or something that needed forcing, it was meant to be] guess expecting such a thing was just me hoping for a miracle. I lost my uniforms and went to tell the coach that I needed a new set. His response was.
“Make sure you and your mom are sure about spending the money to replace the jerseys and everything because if it comes down to it, the girls moving up from JVare going to get put into the game before you” Instantly I was taken back to my childhood days on my gated community court postgame taking wave after wave of these “compliments” that I was never ready fort It was obvious this man didn’t want me on his team and his players followed suit The sense of belonging I once knew was now just a fond memory fading into the deep crevices of my subconscious To fill the void that basketball left, I began to write rapst In hindsight, I’ve done so randomly while sitting in class or just when boredom tries to control my days This time was different though. I was writing from both my heart and mind and rehearsing the words with every part of my soul, Jotting down notes whenever they would arise and however I could because they could be gone before I even realize it.
It was through these soulful lyrics I wrote each day it seemed that I had an epiphany; the only thing that defines you — is you, Yes up until this very day I still have the void that my first passion left and yes I do still feel like a part of me is missing because I‘m not playing for my schools’ team, but] finally understand that it was just one part of me I am many other things besides a basketball player and while I may feel as though that‘s the part of me that holds the most importance, it doesn’t define my future or who I will become as a functional citizen in society. To be ashamed of who you are is the hardest thing to bear in my personal opinion. It’s a constant battle between yourself and the person you think you are and trying to figure out if they’re one in the same. I always try to keep this in mind; find the common ground between them both and run with it.
That way you’re staying true to both of them and yourself as a whole, of course it’s hard but anything worth having will be and nothing is more worth it than you. “Your only shame is to have shame.” 7 Daisy Li, mother of Amy Tan Reflection Page Writing this paper proved to be very difficult due to the fact that I had so many ideas in my head At first, it was going to be about being a girl playing basketball, I was supposed to be focused on gender inequalities within the sport. From there, it turned into a paper about a girl playing basketball because that’s where she felt she belonged, But at its final stage, this paper is about finding out that nothing can define you except you. The sense of wanting to belong will always be a universal truth but that’s not where the story ends.
That desire to belong comes from the lack of definition of self and I learned that through the process of writing this personal narrative, I identify two coaches in this paper, one whose name is Ralph Ammirati and he was my middle school coach. I don’t go into much detail about him because I felt as though it wasn‘t needed What I wanted to get across in bringing him up specifically was the fact that he helped me grow as a person and as a basketball player, I also brought him up for the purpose of compare and contrast for when I brought up my high school coach whose name I did not give. I didn’t give his name because he represents many things such as generic obstacles in life, outside doubt, and feari I didn’t go into much detail about him either but I did emphasize his height, which is completely fact. He is a 7 foot tall Irishman with a booming voice.
What I wanted to get across in bringing him up specifically was the fact that he didn‘t help me grow, he did the exact opposite and wiped out every fiber of confidence I had within myself as a basketball player and even as a person in some aspects. I wrote some of this paper by hand and the rest I typed up until I felt as though I didn’t need to type anymore, I read through it with a fine tooth comb and made sure I included and excluded everything I wanted. At the finish, I felt hypocritical with the way I ended my paper because I painted the picture of at the least some sense of self-awareness which I feel like I don’t have. Despite this, that was the way the paper needed to be ended and even though I don‘t think I‘m fully at that place where I ended this narrative, I do feel like I’m on that path. All’s well that ends well right?
