The short story “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” by Raymond Carver revolves around two married couples discussing the nature of love while consuming gin. The conversation is somewhat scattered, and the characters’ comments could either be dismissed as meaningless due to their intoxicated state or perceived as their genuine emotions amplified by alcohol. Ultimately, the author employs this discussion to illustrate that initial misconceptions about love in a relationship can either fade away or evolve into something more profound. The author sets the stage with the couples gathered around a table, sipping gin and engaging in light conversation. However, the story truly unfolds once the topic of love arises. Terri, Mel’s wife, reveals her past with an abusive partner who used to physically drag her around the living room.
My head kept knocking on things… What do you do with love like that?… People are different, Mel. Sure, at times he may have acted crazy. Okay. But he loved me.
According to the text (pp 110-111), it may be difficult for readers to fathom the existence of love in a relationship tainted by physical abuse. However, Terri and her ex-husband genuinely believed that they were in love. This aligns with the author’s theme that people often hold misconceptions about their love during the early stages of a relationship. Furthermore, Mel reflects on his past relationship and acknowledges that he once believed he loved his first wife more than anything else, but now realizes that their love was lost somewhere along the way.
Although Mel’s former relationship was once filled with love, she now harbors a strong dislike towards her. This shift in feelings suggests that their love dissipated over time. Mel also reflects on the idea that love can still persist even after losing one’s first love. She explains, “And the terrible thing, the terrible thing is, but the good thing too, the saving grace, you might say, is that if something happened to one of us–excuse me for saying this–but if something happened to one of us tomorrow I think the other person would grieve for a while, you know, but then the surviving party would go out and love again, have someone else soon enough.” This statement reveals Mel’s belief that if either one of them were to pass away, their spouse would eventually move on and find love with someone else.
The author has illustrated the possibility of love fading and being substituted by anger, hatred, or love for someone else. Contrarily, the author portrays a scenario where genuine love is discovered. Mel recounts a story of an elderly couple admitted to the emergency room following a severe car crash. Both individuals were enveloped in complete body casts, preventing them from seeing one another. Despite knowing that they would survive, Mel observed the old man experiencing profound sadness and inquired about its cause.
According to Mel, the man’s heartbreak stemmed not from the accident itself, but from his inability to see his wife through his eye holes. This anecdote serves to convey the message that there is hope for a relationship to evolve into a deep and enduring love. The concluding paragraphs of the story initially appear peculiar and unrelated, but upon closer examination, they support the author’s main points. The characters seem to be deliberating whether or not to eat, yet their prolonged indecision indicates that there is something more significant at play. In this context, “eating” symbolizes sustaining their love. Laura and Nick, who are still in the early stages of their relationship and described as infatuated, express a mild indifference towards eating and state that they would like something more to eat. Nick simply states, “Sounds fine to me… Eat or not eat.”
The passage on page 119 showcases the uncertain status of Nick and Laura’s relationship, as they ponder whether it will endure or deepen. Meanwhile, Terri and Mel have moved past their initial stage of love. Terri expresses a desire for more food but doesn’t take action to get it. Additionally, Mel spills his glass of gin and casually states that it’s gone, without making any effort to clean it up. Consequently, Terri and Mel’s love has reached a less favorable phase and is gradually fading away.
Raymond Carver’s main theme in this story is to illustrate the true essence of love. Through a conversation between two couples, the author demonstrates that love often begins with misconceptions and may either fade away as the relationship progresses or evolve into something deeper and more significant. Although some of the remarks made by the characters can be attributed to intoxication and thus perceived as insignificant, it is also plausible that they were expressing their genuine emotions.
