Have you ever looked back at old memories and wondered how did you get to where you are now? Some are good and some aren’t very pleasing but a person’s life is a journey filled with bumps, detours and dead-ends while the route is shaped by the people, places and experiences that litter the path. Memories such as my parent’s divorce, the shift between different schools, softball, and NJROTC has shaped who I am now.
8 years old can be a very critical age in a human’s life. It is the year we graduate from first grade to second grade. It also may be the year when you first participate in a sport or activity that will shape your future, but for me it was the age when my parents decided they would lead separate lives.
I grew up trying to be an average student in school, attended preschool, participated in sports and had good friends and a good community surrounding me. My parents, as I recall, were always in a good mood with each other and shared the joy of raising my sister and I together. I have few memories of the bad times my parents had or hearing them argued. The worst memory I recall is lying in my bed one night when I was 8 years old when my parents had called me into the living room and said, ‘Kimberly, your mother and I are getting a divorce.’
My immediate reaction was a natural instinct for a young child, which was to blame myself. Suddenly, I was now the minority at school because the majority of my peers had both parents in a relationship still. I never understood why my parents decided to divorce, and it haunted me for years. Why did I suddenly have a ‘broken’ home? Why couldn’t I have two parents like everyone else? It’s hard as an 8 year old girl to think that it isn’t your fault. You began to think “what could I have possibly done wrong to cause this to happen?”
Growing up I began to feel devastated as time passed on. As each and everyday went by, it gets harder and harder to deal with the burden of divorced parents. I never understood the real reason why my parents divorced, but I felt the need to please everyone. I miss having both of my parents around but I’ve began to get into the habit of being there for others. I was there to provide support and direct my friends and family to the right path. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that luxury without either of my parents getting angered at each other because one is supported the “wrong” decision that I have made.
Eventually, my mom had custody of both me and my little sister and we moved out the house so it was hard adjusting without a father figure. We were supposed to see my dad every other weekend, but with how often my mom had us moving further and further away it made it too hard to see him that often. Of course each move had me change school so I’ve been to about 9 different schools in my life and each change I had to adjust to. All of the changes and adjustments I’ve been through were difficult obstacles that required me to learn something new.
I was little and still confused about my parents’ divorce, but began to see that the brokenness could also make me stronger. It could help me see others’ pain. It could lead me to search for wholeness and truth in a place where others weren’t searching at all. But most importantly, the loss could teach me to be resilient. As I grew up and faced the inevitable obstacles in life, I had a secret. I knew I could survive. I had learned that pain is a powerful teacher, and that I could choose to use it to succeed.
As I grew I began to try to find things outside of my home(s) to help me get through this situation.
