I am sentimental, outgoing, indecisive, understanding, curious, naive, lazy, crazy and young. I want to be…, well a lot of things, and growing is discovering what they are. I feel people cannot see the potential within, although there is no one to blame but myself. I look to others for approval instead of myself, I aim to please; it leads to approval. I don’t like to discuss my faults; I pity myself. I am weak in some respects, but in others I am strong. My life is a balance of ups and downs. With my extremes however, my scale fulfills the word “balance”.
The ups and downs equal the median on which I travel daily. I love those who understand me, who choose to come to the fire, who stay long enough to love its warmth, and who knows how to avoid being burn. I don’t trust people easily. I don’t throw my heart. I have lost my love from the lack of giving… I regret this. I grab a hold of things, always seeking support, and a rock on which to lean on. I have tried god, boyfriends and small triumph in school and sports, feeling the title failure rise upon my forehead.
Afterwards I try even harder to bring myself up, my recovery taken on the quickest, most unstable routes. This explains how I feel so easily. The self¬-esteem I had needed to be constantly replenished and refilled. By source were not myself, but others, whose options mattered more then my own. I am passionate and at the time fearless. I am everything I am nothing. I am ever-changing and unpredictable. I crave security but cry for independence. I am black or white, never gray. My actions may not reflect my feelings and vice-versa.
I play the submissive female one minute and the aggressive female next. Every year I learn more about myself. The person inside no longer takes peeks at the world outside, but screams “look at me, see what I have become, what because I am coming! ” I have been through difficult times, but the odds are staring to lean my way; I feel ready for any challenges that may arise yet scared. The girl in me has begun to realize lives pattern, and as a result is capable of handing it surprise. Everything can’t be a crisis!
The obstacle in my life exercises the well of strength that has been tapped; the more I learn the stronger I become. Failures may arise, but I don’t longer see them as falls, just changes to pick myself up and learned a little more on the way there. My scales don’t always find a harmonious balance, but the tremendous fluctuation has ended. The descriptions of me are painful, yet trying to heal; I am a somewhat happy, satisfied young woman. I cry, laugh, smile and frown. The odds of my lips curving upward and not down are always greater, I rejoice in that. This is me.