This is a story of ten patients who came to see the therapist for their respective problem. Each of them have a different problem compared to each other.
Different in the sense of presentation, but they are all expressions of the “givens” of life, the anxieties that affects all humans. We will begin our discussion with the three clients that have been chosen. One of the clients of Yalom was a woman, who longed for her dead daughter, who has been afflicted by leukemia. The story started when a patient named Penny told the therapist that her daughter, Chrissie suffered from leukemia and died four years after.
During those years of sickness, Chrissie attempted to go to school but was already bedridden, thus she was hospitalized. Finally, Chrissie died. The death of her daughter brought to much pain to the client. According to Yalom (1989), “her death, Penny said was awful – I couldn’t imagine how awful” (p.
128). This is the scenario depicting the reason why the client came to see Yalom. The patient is yearning for her dead daughter and visits her daily in the grave. She suffers from an existence anxiety and is affected by what Yalom called as the “givens” of existence.
There is the anxiety of death. Sage 2002) gave an example, “people often fear the finality of death that ultimately awaits a loved one”. The truth about death haunts us, but we avoid discussing the topic.We find devices to deny or escape the very thoughts of death.
Some asked for parental help, while others seek the intervention of religious figures to alleviate the anxiety brought about by the thought that all of us humans will soon die, no matter what, whether we like it or not. There are times that some people resort to changing the concept of death through a monstrous figure like for example, the demon, in order to repress this so called “givens”, which is known to ll of us humans, the anxiety of death. As we grow older, we try to divert our minds on the concept of death. While it is true that we know that it would come to us all, still, we dislike discussing the idea or shun the very thought of it.
It is also obvious that man would end up in one thing, and that is death. However, there are those who rationalize that they should not dwell on it. There are others who put death out of their minds. According to Yalom (1989) “we distract ourselves, we transform it into something positive” (p.
5). They say it is just passing on or a way of meeting the Creator, etc.These are just repression of the anxiety itself. But this is hidden in the unconscious part of our mind that sometimes, it tries to get out of it.
Yalom (1989) said “this dissociative process is unconscious, invisible to us, but we can be convinced of its existence in those rare episodes when the machinery of denial fails and death anxiety breaks through in full force” (p. 6). A good example of this is the nightmare. This is a manifestation of death anxiety which has come into the open, when it becomes apparent in our consciousness.
Since this is a dissociative process, it just remains in the unconscious part of our mind.Based on the study of a psychologist in 1987, Sanchez, Abad and Jao “the principal common aspect of all dissociative reactions is an interruption or breakdown of the conscious contact with reality” (p. 180). When there is a nightmare, there is an anxiety that has not been handled properly, thus, it became evident.
On the other hand, it is also a vital role of the therapist to make the client accept the responsibility for her problem. We are the concerned who are responsible for everything that happens in our life. We do not toss back the responsibility of others because we have a say on hat is supposed to be done in our lives. The more responsible we are in our deeds, the more likely we are in power.
In 2002, Sage said “accepting responsibility for our lives and our ways of relating to others will empower us and put us in control”.Each of us should be responsible for our decisions and its aftermath because we have the freedom to do it so. Another client of Irvin Yalom was Dave, who was trapped with the past, denying his mortality as a man. This man came to see the therapist, asking him to keep hundreds of old letters, as a evidence of his past love, held in secret.
With Soraya, the woman whom de dearly oved. Yalom (1989) mentioned “he had loved Soraya – or at least, she was the only love to whom he has ever said “I love You” (p. 164). Dave and Soraya had an ardent love affair for four years which was held in secret.
Numerous heap of love letters were kept by Dave, reminding him of his past love. He does not let his wife see these letters since it could bring her pain to see those things, memories of the past, which was meant for other woman, a love of the past as could be said. The patient, Dave, wants the therapist to keep these letters which are just reminder of his immortality – his undying love to Soraya.He wanted to keep it that way, nothing else.
The big question is, why does this man do this? Simply for the reason of denied mortality. He knows that he will soon pass away in this world, but his letters would be a proof of his immortality. The therapist analyzed his motive of keeping these hundreds of letters, when in fact, his loved-one, Soraya was also dead. Yalom (1989) said “I wonder whether Dave could step back and become witness to himself, to see how ludicrous, how pathetic, how idolatrous he was – an old man, stumbling towards death, comforted only by a clutch of letters, a marching banner roclaiming that he had loved and been loved once, thirty years before” (p.
165). The inevitability of death is also perceptible in this client, in the sense that hundreds of letters that he kept for himself, showing that he loved somebody and was also loved by somebody else, would still remain though he passed away in the world.That was the evident truth of his being mortal. That, time will come, where he has to say that his life has already come to an end, but his letters will serve as a token of the past.
The third patient was an old woman, who has a fantasy relationship with someone who as so young compared to her age. When she came to see the therapist, she informed the latter that she had a relationship with her former therapist, much to the surprise of the therapist. Yalom (1989) said “he introduced me to the spiritual, religious dimention of life. He taught me to the reason why I was put here on earth” (p.
19). The patient, Thelma, developed the so called “transference” to the therapist, where, there is the presence of fantasized relationship. Moreover, the therapist knew that the problem lies on the anxiety about the reality of aging and death.According to Thelma, she was in-love with the therapist, however, it was an imbalanced relationship, as seen by Yalom.
Thelma, as the patient, knew that she has already grow old and the inevitability of death is apparent, thus, she has just fantasized on a relationship with her therapist. Like every patient of Yalom, she has the responsibility to manage her life, make a decision that would enlighten her life. The therapist did not just insist on the things which has to be done by the patient. Instead, he made his patient realized that we are responsible for all our actuations.
The therapist even employed the definition of Sartre to explain what responsibility is for him. It means “be the author of” each of us being thus the author of his or her own life design” (p. 8). We have the freedom to do whatever we wanted to do in life, but we should be responsible for all our decisions and actions.
Lastly, Yalom revealed his honesty and sense of being a human when he expressed his attitude towards his patients like what he felt when was approached by an old man who wants him to keep his love letters, when he expressed his idea about his dislike towards the “Fat Lady” s well as the woman who has a fantasy relationship with her therapist. These are just mere expressions of ordinary people as wee see other people from their respective physical appearances. Furthermore, Yalom also mentioned about the universal truth among his patient’s stories, that, all are suffering from the everyday problems of life, that each of these clients are afflicted with the different “givens” of life – anxiety towards death, loneliness, meaninglessness, freedom. According to Yalom (1989) “these universal beliefs” which are some level of consciousness, exist in all of us and play a role in several of these tales” (p.
7).
