My relationship with my father can not be considered as a typical or normal one. I grew up not really knowing my father. Our father-child relationship had been strained because he was not physically and emotionally present during the development phase of my existence. Basically, he would just come and go at our house and in our lives. He would usually stay for a span of four months and then leave again for Mexico. Until today, I still do not know the reasons behind my father’s abandonment.
However, in the short period that my father had spent with us, he had managed to teach me some things about life but that was not enough for me to have determination and perseverance to go on with my life. During these troubled times, I felt all alone. I could not find anyone to share my problems, even my own mother have ignored me and my feelings. She did not motivate me or push me to overcome my problems.
She did not even bother to talk to me about my feelings towards the status of our family. Also, she did not try to exert any effort to figure out what was going on in my head and listen to my opinions about the situation of our family.
Through these, I have felt that my mother had grudge feelings towards me and my siblings. She would always come up with reasons not to talk to us or make me feel singled out. Maybe, some of the reasons why my mother became so distant were the fact that my dad left her all alone to raise three kids and also my dad used to physically abuse her. This all boils down to how my father valued our family. His minimal interaction with us had created an immense impact in my life. My father did not spend any quality time with me. He did not take me to the park or initiated “man talks” in which could have taught how to be a man.
After a few years, he tried to make up for lost times but it was too late, I already had a negative impression about him embedded in my mind. More so, I could not really relate to my father because I do not know him that well. I do not know his likes or his hobbies and vice versa. As a result, we did not have any fruitful conversations. I find it awkward to spend time with him because I kept thinking that he already has another family that he loves. Because of my father’s absence, I loitered and hanged out on the streets. Most of the time, I would walk home late at night in one of the most dangerous streets in the area.
At that time, I did not care much about my safety because I was disconnected with myself and my family. I have lived this kind of lifestyle because as a kid I never felt loved by my parents, so now I do not really know how to appreciate other people and take care of things. In addition, I have the tendency to hide my emotions when things bother me that have adversely affected my personality. Furthermore, my child hood was not filled with joyful moments. I grew up around a really tough neighborhood wherein my sister was involved with gangs and drugs.
Having been exposed to this kind of environment, it made me realize that joining gangs and using drugs were normal, but I never cave in to these temptations. Instead, I diverted my attention to sports and I worked for my uncle in his independent business to keep my mind off my problems. Moreover, I went to school but I did not take it seriously because at the back of my mind, my family has a history of being school drop outs and that would also be my fate. Then, I thought that staying at home and not attending school was accepted as long as I can bring home some money for my family.
My mother used to tell us that if we do not want to go to school, we should get a job and get our ass working. My uncle was not happy with this kind of set up at our house. He insisted that I got to school to achieve the good things in life and also so that I can be a role model to others. But ever since I dropped out from high school, my uncle and my other relatives have been putting me down and making me feel low. I try not to get affected by the negative comments but it is just hard to maintain a hard front in times like this.
I have endured working for a minimum wage such as washing cars, raking yards, painting and fixing bikes or helping out my uncle in his restoring classical car business to earn money. I worked hard to be able to buy things that I want and get things that my mother can not provide. These events in my life have taught me a lot of things. I have learned that by working hard, you will get the outcome that you deserve. In a way, my father’s absence transpired my somewhat rebellious actions. But during these times, I saw my mother in a different light. I saw my mother as a strong and independent woman.
She had been through a lot in her life. My father abandoned her when she was just eighteen years old. She provided for us by getting a job, cooking for us and giving us a roof over our heads. She spent most of her time at home instead of partying at clubs. My mother had accomplished a lot of things but most importantly she remained strong for us, her family, in order to compensate for the absence of my father. Through these experiences, I have learned new things about myself. I have discovered potentials and capabilities that I did not know before that I possessed.
More so, I have become stronger in mind and spirit but I just needed a little bit of push to finish things that I have started to be able to feel good and competent about myself. Assimilating myself with gang members in my neighborhood made me realized that it was not my destiny and that I have the will to change the course of my life in order to attain my dreams and goals. As a result of my realization, I have set several objectives in order to change my life. My main goal is to finish high school and get my diploma so that I can help my mother financially and achieve fulfillment for my positive actions.
I went back to school to make something out of my life. I want to be a good role model to my god daughter and my little cousins and encourage them to do the right thing. In the future, I want to go to college and major in criminal justice to become a police officer or correctional officer. With my background, I believe I can make a lot of difference in initiating changes in the community. By having a good education, the likelihood of me getting a job is high. If I become a professional, I can pay my mothers mortgage by myself without the help of anybody thus making me feel a sense of accomplishment and independence.
In the end, I just want to repay my mother for everything that she had done for us. Aside from having an education, I also want to indulge myself in boxing as a hobby because this sport can teach me how to have determination by increasing my desire to be a champion and to be a good fighter wherein I could earn the respect of other people. For myself, I have dreamed of having my own brand new car for so long and this will be my first goal when I have acquired an adequate amount of money. In five years time, I believe and I hope to achieve all the goals that I have set out for myself.
I want to secure a high good paying job as a police officer so that I can be financially stable and help out my mother and my older sister. More so, I wan to serve the community that I grew up in to help people who have gone through the same experiences as I have in that kind of neighborhood. Furthermore, I want to pursue my passion and hobby which is boxing. I want to make a mark in this field by being a great boxer and by winning numerous boxing titles. In line with this, apart from being a police officer, I would want to coach younger kids in boxing or just be a role model to these kids to promote good morals and values which are
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