Family conflict has an impact on everyone in the family, especially children. Each family has its own unique way of addressing conflict. In our class, we have explored Caroline Hwang’s essay, “The Good Daughter,” and Janna Malamud Smith’s essay, “My Son, My Compass.” Both essays offer different perspectives on how individuals choose their own lifestyles and confront their parents’ arrogant behavior. Hwang’s essay delves into the challenges faced by immigrant children as they navigate the complexities of preserving their Korean culture while adapting to American norms. Hwang also highlights how her parents ultimately shape her future lifestyle. For Hwang, conforming to her parents’ expectations becomes a means of maintaining a relationship with them. On the other hand, Smith’s essay discusses a son who successfully influences his parents to adopt healthier eating habits. Smith emphasizes the sacrifices his parents make in order to make him happy. Each essay provides insights into various approaches for handling family conflicts.
Caroline Hwang’s essay discusses the impact of family conflict on parenting effectiveness. The expectations her parents have for her influence her decisions and lifestyle choices. She believes that disappointing or failing reflects negatively on her parents, as she values their image due to being an immigrant. Hwang feels indebted to her parents and aims to make them happy, even if it means compromising her own future. Despite lacking passion for it, she decides to attend law school because it aligns with her parents’ desires. As an immigrant, she expects support from them in making her own decisions after facing double the challenges in life. Hwang places importance on parental opinions out of fear of disappointing them, emphasizing the need for parents to listen, understand, and support their children’s well-intentioned choices in life. In summary, Hwang’s lack of ambition stems from the pressure and expectations imposed by her parents. Denying children the freedom to choose their own path can significantly impact their lives. Ultimately, Hwang’s personal goals and aspirations have been shaped by parental expectations.
The text emphasizes the significant impact parents have on their children, whether it is positive or negative. An example is shared of feeling indebted to one’s parents leading to issues and rebellion. In Hwang’s case, her parents’ expectations of her marrying a Korean and having Korean grandchildren created a barrier in her relationships with non-Korean individuals. She intentionally avoided emotional attachment to anyone who wasn’t Korean. Another example from “My son my Compass” shows how the dynamics within a family changed when the younger family member convinced the parents to stop eating red meat. Initially hesitant, the parents eventually accepted this dietary change, sacrificing their own happiness for their child out of love. However, not all families can handle such situations easily, as demonstrated by Smith’s essay. Each family’s unique circumstances and responses may lead to different outcomes. Personally, I believe that many parents are similar to Hwang’s parents who did not anticipate the hardships their daughter would face due to her struggles with cultural identity.
Understanding a child’s perspective can be difficult for some parents, who struggle to comprehend the challenges of navigating two different lives. Engaging in small conversations or discussions with their children is crucial for effective parenting. However, not all parents make optimal decisions for their children’s well-being, unlike certain assertive family members. In an essay about the Smiths, though, the parents showed a willingness to learn from their son. Despite this, many parents refuse guidance from their children because they desire control. My mother and I would argue because she saw me giving directions as assuming “the head of the house” role.
Finding solutions to conflicts within families is an ongoing challenge. Some families hold family meetings where everyone can express themselves, which I find quite effective in addressing significant conflicts and promoting mutual understanding.
Unfortunately, yelling, screaming, and violence have become commonplace during family disputes in today’s society. As a result, I believe that respectful communication among all families is unattainable.
