Men, for centuries, have been known to be the protector and supporter of women. Because of this a certain stereotype about men and the way they should behave has formed. Men should not cry, men should not show emotions toward other men. This stereotype can be detrimental for a young man growing up and being told to suppress his genuine emotions. The way men are raised and society can impact the way men are later in life. Men from a young age should be taught how to express and deal with their emotions just like how women are taught. To be emotionally unavailable it means that a person tends to put up emotional barriers between themselves and others.
An emotionally unavailable person is hard to get close to because they use these walls and barriers as a way to avoid close intimate contact with others. Many emotionally unavailable people use this as a coping mechanism so they do not get hurt by others. While it is possible to be with an emotionally unavailable person it doesn’t mean it will be easy, that being said someone who is emotionally unavailable can change their ways. Being emotionally unavailable is not set in stone. There are ways where a person who is emotionally unavailable can change and grow. These ways could take time for them to work but in the end it is better for a person’s state of mind to be able to cope in a healthy manner. Someone who is emotionally available is able to understand the emotions and feelings a person feels and is able to cope with them in a healthy way. They are able to talk about their feelings in a verbal and expressive way.
People who are emotionally available tend to also empathize with others and show support. An emotionally available person tends to have mutual respect for the people around them, they are also the person that people call on in a time of need. Boys from a young age act differently than girls. For the most part that is a simple fact. While girls tend to be more verbal and make more eye contact, young boys typically avoid eye contact and show interest in others with actions, such as being physically playful. Because of this difference in boys and girls parents tend to raise their children differently. Raising boys differently is a way to tend more to the way they think which is more of an action way. For example, the red, yellow and green card method that is used in many elementary school classrooms.
This method shows the action of taking away the cards or earning them, this shows boys the visual consequences. (Ziff) Meanwhile, with girls they do not need this as much because they can process verbal communication better. Raising boys and girls differently can help cater to the needs of each individual and help boys by not forcing them to try to learn in a way they don’t understand. This is a healthy way of teaching them which can help them be more emotionally available later in life. However, others could argue that raising boys and girls differently could impact the verbal communication skills of boys. If you were to simply cater just to the boys way of learning then it could cause them to lack in the ways girls do not. While it could be understood where the opposing side is coming from it does not necessarily mean that boys will lack in places girls excel. Using a universal teaching method for bother boys and girls will not help boys to be more emotionally available it could actually do the opposite.
Starting at a young age boys are told things such as “ be a man” or “stop crying”. When you tell a young child this they could start to more likely stop showing emotions because when they do they are almost immediately told to “to be a man and to stop crying”. This type of language toward a young boy shows that adults and parents do not validate their child’s emotions or feelings. When a young males starts feeling invalidated they will start to become apprehensive when it comes to expressing their emotions. This can lead to males becoming more emotionally unavailable when they become older. On the contrary people can say that it is better to tell a young boy to “man up” or to “stop crying” because it prepares a young child for the future. Males have been seen as the protector and seen as the stronger of the two sexes for centuries.
This does not help men. Men should be able to express emotions in any safe way they see fit. Whether it is crying or talking to someone they love or even going to therapy. Invalidating their emotions and feelings will not help prepare them for life in the future. In fact, this can prohibit future relationships with others because they are worried about expressing their emotions and feeling that invalidation all over again. Crying is natural for many people, it is a sign of emotions whether that emotion is happiness, sadness, anger, or mourning. Crying is typically stereotyped and said to be something that men should not do.
Crying is the expression of emotions and, once again, people are telling males to not express them in a healthy manner. Men should be allowed to cry, they should be allowed to show emotions in a healthy way that promotes mental growth instead of deteriorates it. While men have been stated to cry less, Ghose writes that “ While male tears are less common and less intense, men weep at the same types of emotional triggers as women do.” this solidifies the fact that males do in fact feel the same types of emotions as women except they are shamed for expressing them. Since males are shamed by society for expressing emotions and crying they are less inclined to get help when they are struggling emotionally. This leads to higher males suicides.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has done statistics that claims that “Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women” it is also said that “white males accounted for 7 out of 10 suicides in 2016 and that the rate of suicide is highest in middle age white men in particular.” Males should be allowed to cry, there should be no reason why society keeps saying that crying is “less manly”. As a society it should be encouraged to bring more more awareness to males mental health. If we stopped shaming men for crying and having emotions than male suicides would be expected to decrease. The suppression of male emotions actually started more recently, starting around the time men started working in factories which is explained by the author of the book “Crying; A Natural and Cultural History of Tears”. When men would work in the factories they were told to disassociate with their emotions and to simply focus on and do the factory work.
This caused men to avoid their emotions in addition to avoiding their emotions they started to believe that they just got in the way. It quickly became ingrained in our culture that “real men don’t cry” and that men need to put a women’s needs before their own. This not only invalidates their feelings but it also says that they are less important than a females. Since the start of this oppression of male emotions society has maintained this harmful stereotype. Despite the fact that in recent years it has been stereotyped for men to not show emotions it has not always been like that. In the bible there are several instances of men crying and weeping for various of reasons. In the book of Genesis there is a story about a man named Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers, after years of not seeing them they finally reconnect. When he revealed himself to his brothers “he wept so loudly that the Egyptians and Pharaoh’s household heard him.” (Genesis 45:2)
There are many other stories in the bible where men weep. They are not shamed for their emotions, in fact, when people are in mourning they tend to rip off their clothes and pour dirt on their heads. Showing emotions was not something to be ashamed of, it was important for men to show how they felt. It is a known fact that men and women have different ways of thinking. The brains for males and females are wired differently. The way that the brain works is different from a biological standpoint, from a young age there are a variety of differences between the two sexes. Those differences show that the ways that boy and girls interact with the same sex is varied. Simply put, just because they are incompatible does not mean it is wrong. Studies have shown that “men are aroused internally but “keep in” emotions while women freely express emotions” (Buck) Since there is less of a stigma around women expressing emotions they are able to do so freely but because of the stigma around males expressing emotions men typically “keep in” their emotions and feelings.
This stigma that society has created around male expression can be destructive towards a young males mental health. While on the contrary people can say that this stigma was created for a reason, there is a reason men are less inclined to be emotionally available. This does not only build up the stigma further it pushes males farther away from having better mental health. Males should be allowed to express themselves in a proper and healthy way, while that way can differ from individual to individual it does not mean they should keep it all in. Being a more emotionally available person can be better for a person’s everyday life.
That being said there should be ways we teach our youth to be more emotionally available, especially the males. While there shouldn’t be a universal way of teaching this, there should be ways that caters towards males. There should be more openness when it comes to talking about the mental health of males. There are ways we can show support towards males becoming more emotionally available. In addition to showing support there are ways to educate the older generations about the impact they have on our youth. Teaching men to be more emotionally available is not going to happen over night, there are walls to break down, stereotypes to break. Teaching men to be more emotionally available will not only help with their mental and emotionally help, it can help with society as a whole.
